Lagom (UNEDITED)

O

(tw; grammar...)

To my dear husband.

Bonjour Max, mon seul et dernier amour. Ça fait longtemps que je t'ai vu. Comment vas- tu Max? I now have the pride to say my French has been approved quite adequately. Your teaching has encouraged me, and it was peaceful to learn from you. I told the same line to my French teacher. And she smiled at me, complimented my level of learning. Well, it has been almost a year, one year without you. I wonder what you are achieving at the moment. For the current few days, I have been convening a therapist from La Crau. My sister submitted the request, and I could not be more outraged at her. She didn't have the right to engage with a psychologist and make an arrangement. But I had to accept her hideous plan. I heard, discovered the psychologist was a well-known scientist in the region. And I was the sister of 'the goddess of acting of the century'. One word about me would change her whole career. I was afraid I would offend my father and mother. I am sure my sister would perform an innocent act. And gasp as she 'accidentally' notified how I was about to kill myself by self-harming. For certain, my father would believe her without batting his eyes. Sister was always the preferred one of us. Anyway, that was unnecessary to address, and you do not have to worry about me, chéri. I met Dr. James a week ago, and it makes me ashamed to say I appreciate the sessions with him. It felt like I was talking to nobody. It was just the mysterious voice in the office and me. Interrogating me, pushing me to the edge. Every day, he charged me loads of questions and, without distinguishing, I replied to them sincerely. I told the third day about you, chéri. I told him how we had met, how we've started to pass extravagant letters, how we almost got engaged last year. I narrated to him all concerning us while I stared at the Moon River through the window. From the office of Dr. James, the Moon River looks stunning. I once inquired how he deserved this magnificent view. Maybe he did deserve it, but I doubt he values the luckiness he received. But there was nothing important about the river. It's just an enormous lake with a large green park circled. The name fitting with the image itself. The night Moon embracing the river, shining till the pit end. I imagine I was just captivated by the fresh and neat environment. Or the Moon light that shone on the river. Dr. James asked me on the fourth day why I needed help from him. And I couldn't answer him. I wanted to ask him and my sister who thought I necessitated this. I wanted to ask why she suddenly decided to help me. Did I look so miserable? Was I that abnormal after you left me? Maybe I was. I did feel vulnerable after you had left me wailing in the thunderstorm. I did feel miserable when you vanished out of my eyes. I suppose I lacked help. And this situation doesn't seem to make me more lovable or cheerful. On the fifth day, Dr. James informed how a human heart feels after a heartbreak. Apparently, a human's heart becomes cold, almost frosted. They shatter from its sides, like overcooked eggs. I had a hard time believing his words. How can a heart become frosted when it's a muscular organ that keeps us alive. If a heart could shatter, then my sisters' would have shattered a thousand times from the false acting. But I did not correct him, chéri. You demonstrated to me how a figure of speech works, something that I still find tongue-tied. I wonder when I will understand the meaning of those phrases. Maybe one day, one day on the sweet balcony with French tea in my left hand, reading this letter. Dr. James also told me how to fix a broken heart, a one like mine. He stated it needed time, long sufficient to receive a smile from father. He told me it would gradually develop and enrich a much stronger heart when the sunrise hits the white pillow. But it occurred to me that I do not own white pillows. Dr. James said the heart was delicate, like a glass. Thus, we need to be cautious with our hearts from the origin. Broken hearts need consultations, affection, love, hope to turn back to 'hearts'. After all the sessions, our broken hearts will be back to their warm and fragile ones'. I believe I wrote Dr. James's accounts in only one paragraph. But it took him 4 hours to finish the topic of a heart that was not in the English dictionary. But I was thankful for how he expressed to me and described to me his definition. He is indeed a kind person. Today is our last session, the day I must become a new person. I am writing this because I wanted to read this after the appointment and compare my new self to this person. And I wanted to give you my farewell from the person you grew up with. I don't want you to see me as another woman from the town. I want to be your only Violet till the end. I want to be the special Violet in your heart, eternally. Max, it's hard to end this letter. I have never been so nervous. And it's remarkably hard to leave our memories behind. But I guess I need to end these twisted thoughts in this paper. I should leave this body and turn into the new Violet, to my former fragile heart. Max, I will never forget you. See you again in another life, chéri.

Your Violet.

-Who were you

before they broke your heart?

TRANSLATIONS

mon seul et dernier amour

-my one and last love.

Ça fait longtemps que je t'ai vu

-It's been a long time since I saw you.

Comment vas- tu?

-How are you doing?

Chéri(e)

-Dear

A/N

Hello! I have to admit that this chapter is short. But I couldn't find a topic to continue Violet's letter. I had a hard time ending it. So if u see any mistakes please ignore or correct me. The last part doesn't even make sense but who cares. Honestly the whole chapter doesn't make sense. And I'm so sorry for the grammar. But thank you so much for reading this chapter with love. Hope the best for you!