This chapter is heavy so please skip now if you need to! (Sorry I'm a whore for sad chapters cause it helps relieve my own sadness)
INSANE TW for this chapter- death, drugs, suicide, blood, mentions of physical and drug abuse
Please let someone know if you are struggling. Someone out there needs you.
^^^This song is very sad to me because it reminds me of someone I lost. I suggest listening to this song or unsteady by X ambassadors for the end part of this chapter. Look out for the *******
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My friend Jackie texts my phone asking to meet up, but it's long past the time I should be leaving the house.
I assume that maybe if my father is drunk enough like usual he'll be passed out on the couch and be that way until I come home, but I'm honestly too terrified to leave my room and find out.
I have a strict schedule for when I get home from school and it mainly includes me closing myself in my room and avoiding the wrath of my father until the next morning, and then it repeats.
Alcohol mixed with heavy drugs isn't good for anyone, more so the people around those who use them.
If me or Vincent happen to do a simple thing incorrectly we get the belt and my behind is already too bruised to sit properly in class. I'm starting to think my teacher has noticed.
Vincent is always trying to live up to his expectations but it's honestly so hard when the expectations keep getting higher every time we reach them. It's like everything we've ever done will never measure up to what he wants from us. It's the worst feeling in the world to think you aren't good enough when that's all you've ever strived to be.
My phone chimes collecting my spaced out attention,
Jackie- C'mon! He won't notice you're gone, you'll be back in half an hour.
I debate heavily on whether or not I should go. If I go I'm leaving my brother unattended with my alcoholic father. My mother works night shifts as a nurse so she's been gone since 5pm.
I text back - You know how he gets...
I hope she chooses to leave it at that, but knowing how stubborn Jackie is, I doubt she'll leave it alone.
Jackie- He seriously won't even know you're gone! I promise.
Slipping silently through my bedroom door, I sneak down the hall to the living room, avoiding the creaky areas in the floor.
My fathers sat in his worn down recliner with a lit cigarette in the ashtray beside him and a beer in his hand. In one quick movement I take the beer from his closed palm and set it down to the side, if I don't he will wake up furious that one of his beers was wasted and he will have no one to blame except Vincent if he wakes up before I'm home.
I protect him at all costs, even if that means giving up my own freedom or taking beatings for him.
My father snores sharply, causing the hairs on my arms to raise higher than ever before. I flinch as an automatic reaction to sudden sounds or movements. I guess I can thank him for my skittish behavior and frightened reactions.
He seems out of it and judging by his cigarette still being lit in the ashtray, I can tell he hasn't been asleep long.
— 30 minutes? You promise?
I text quickly while hiding in the hallway, just incase he happens to wake up.
Jackie- Promise!
— I'll meet you out front.
Jackie- Yay! Okay.
I walk to Vincent's room to inform him that I'll be gone, but he's asleep. I don't blame him, he's had a hard week.
I slip partially into the darkness and enjoy the smile on his face as he sleeps. His right cheek is buried into the pillow so his face is partially squished in an innocent way.
"Sleep well." I whisper, just faintly enough to not be overheard by our father in the living room.
I close the door back to how I found it, wishing deeply that I could lock it to ensure his safety while I'm away, but I know locking his door would only enrage him and make everything worse.
I quickly find myself back in my room, crawling through the small window in my bathroom beside the toilet to get out. It's the only window without a screen, plus I can easily maneuver my body to fit through without making a sound.
Once reaching the outside my feet crunch against the gravel and I take off towards the front of the house, avoiding any windows.
I glance inside once more to find my dad still asleep. It makes the anxiety inside me calm just a tad bit knowing he's not up and trying to beat us again.
The entire time I spend with Jackie and her boyfriend their doing drugs. They know how heavily I am against drugs, given my father and his abusive tendencies, but I told them it was alright for the sake of not being a buzzkill.
They hadn't taken hardcore drugs, only marijuana and shrooms which I guess is fine if you compare them to the hardcore drugs my father takes, but still.
"So, how you been Olivia?" Jackie's boyfriend Paul asks.
I shrug glancing up at the sky as the light gets slowly left behind and replaces itself with an ombre purple. The sky gets dark earlier now since it's the beginning of January.
I want to say it's been good, but how good of a friend would I be if I lied? Especially when all they want to do is help.
"It's been better, but it's my moms last day of work tonight before she gets the week off." I smile.
I'm excited for my mom to be home. Our dad hurts us a little bit less when moms home.
"That's good." Paul says, taking a hit of what's left of the small joint him and Jackie had previously shared.
"Is Vincent still failing his classes?" Jackie asks.
I sigh. "Yeah, but I've been trying to tutor him so hopefully we can get past this bump in the road. He's incredibly smart, just doesn't realize it yet."
A faint bang catches my attention from far away. It almost sounded like someone setting off a firework or slapping a metal stop sign.
