On top of the roof the air is so cold and so calm
"Not this again.." I sighed staring at the razor on the cupboard.
As much as I worked hard on getting his mind off of this sort of 'topic', he still does it when he's alone. If only his family hadn't died in that accident he wouldn't be as depressed and I wouldn't be as worried for his life. I would have even make a move on him cause you know, i like him, but seeing how unstable he is right now, he can not have someone to love. Just someone to support.
I can not be selfish with my feelings and push them on him.
"Pewds!" I called stepping out the bathroom. He was palying some video games at the living room, something I left him doing while I came here to pee.
"YeaH? - Shit, I died." He groaned dropping the controller on the floor.
"I'll stay for the weekend and you are not kicking me out this time!" I said looking for my bag where I had a plastic one where I could put this sort of things and throw them away when I left.
"Dude, you've been here for what? Two months?" He complained leaning on his bed. "Just leave already, isn't your family worried?"
I stuffed the blade in my pocket and sat next to him picking up my own controller.
"No, I gave them a call saying I'd stay with you until you stopped."
"Stoppped what?" He asked curiously.
I stared at him and pointed at his forearm. When he caught on it, he looked down scratching the back of his neck.
"So you found 'em."
"And I'm throwing them away."
"I'll just buy more when you're gone." He fought frowning.
People in this state hate it when you take their self-harm weapon from them. They are truly blinded by it and don't want to accept the fact they are hurting. Instead of hurting, they say it's relieving the pain, and trying not to call attention which is completely the opposite. It obviously calls eveyrone's attentionw hen you see it.
Sad enough, I was the only one to notice and as much as I try to take him to a doc to check on him, he shuts himself in his room and makes it a mess in a fit of rage saying things like: "I'm okay!" "Stop worrying about me!" "Leave me alone Cry!" The sort.
"Which is exactly why I'm not leaving for a while." I pointed out.
He sighed frustrated and reached for his controller. I took his wrist and yanked him towards me. He twictehd from the harshness, but I gave no shit about it. If I were gentle, he'd take his arm back and shrug it away. So I'm taking his arm not-that-roughly and I'll pour a whole bottle of desinfectant.
As I was pulling the bottle out my bag, he begun squirming in my grasp. Sad to be him, he's rather weak because he hasn't done any sort of exercise and ahsn't eaten right, and even thoug hI don't excersie, I'm much more stronger just because I do eat.
"What are you gonna do?!" He asked kicking my legs. It hurt, but it hurts more having the one you love cutting.
"Pouring desinfectant on the wounds. I will not let your arm root away along with your feelings. I'll heal your body first and then your feelings." I stated and unscrew the cap with my teeth. Pewds greet his teeth looking away.
"Don't worry, it'll string for a while, then it'll go numb." I reassured.
"Really?" He asked with hopes. I nodded. "Ok, just tell me when so- AHHH!!"
I say your name in silence, you don't wanna hear it right now
"Pewds, what the fuck is this?" I asked annoyed.
My blonde swede friend glanced at me with a weird smile, bottle in hand. I had gone home for a week to stay with my family but as soon as I got back, I find beer cans everywhere. I like booze myself, but this wrecks of alcohol, it makes me crindge.
"Exactly what it looks like!" He sung.
I scoffed and shut the front door close. He begun slurring words in swedish, and from the few words I've leaernt, he's swearing like those trailer drivers. Grabbing a plastic bag, I begin cleaning the place up. He kept saying shit I did not understand but nonetheless, passed out. Taking this opportunity, I took his shirt off and carried him to his room, laying him down on his bed.
Looking for a new shrug for him in his wardrobe I found a letter. It was ripped and picked my curiosity, but I didn't want to read it. I wonder if that one thing was the main cause for him to get drunk. He's never like this, or is it that I do not know my best friend?
"Lämna..." Pewds mumbled.
I turned and found him sitting up hugging his legs. His eyes looked so clouded I thought he was still sleeping. "Stoppa jakt mig.." He sniffed.
"Pewds, you're not making sense."
"Lämna mig ensam Cry. Försvinna."
"English, do you speak it?" I asked sitting down. He looked up at me, but somehow It seemed he was looking at someone else. "Lift your arms." I ordered. He did as told, though his eyes were as empty as the first time he broke down. It scares me. Losing my friend because of this scares me.
"Försvinna..."
I took my phone out and hit the translate app. "Say it again."
"Försvinna."
I waited for it to load then sighed.
"I won't ever leave you behind Pewds. Don't push me away, I'm here for you. And even though I'm for if myself on to you, I expect for you to share your pain with me so that I can take care of you properly. Why are you so blind to my care? I'd do anything for you yet you ignore me... Just what am I to you?"
"Cry?"
"I won't hurt you ever nor do I plan to. So look at me, rely on me.." His hand gripped mine, my tears were sliding down my cheeks. "I don't you to suffer no more, and much as I wanted to, I can not become what you miss and treasure the most, but I'm still here for you.. I can be a substitute! I-I.."
His hand held mine with care. I felt so pathetic - The one I want to comfort is comforting me.
The eyes of the city are counting the tears falling down
"No, I don't want to go there." Pewds said stubbornly.
"If you don't, you won't get better."
"Cry. I don't want to go."
"Fine then.."
I had brought Pewds to the doctor, and I had high hopes he'd accept to talk with someone, but guess not. His cheerfulness had blown away the second we walked into the doc's office.
"I'm not sick, I don't need anyone giving me pills to keep me dazed! I'm completely fine." He seethed storming out the place.
I apologised to the people there and chased after him. He was already waiting in the car, arms crossed and a deep frown roe sent on his face. Unlocking the car, he slipped in and waited for me to get inside as well. I didn't start the engine, he had paced his feet on the hole and didn't want to put it away.
"Why did you bring me?" He barked after minutes of silence.
"I thought it'd help."
"You thought wrong!" He hissed.
