A knot too tight

Part 5-Allie

I was torn between wanting to stay with my parents and brother and also the need to comfort James. But then my worry for James overtook everything and I followed him to the car, deciding to leave with him to his house. I remember the times during funeral how he felt my presence but snapped at me thinking I was someone else. I smiled, if my death wasn't so tragic I would have been ecstatic knowing that James loved me so much.
We reached his house, it was a desolate structure but I knew I would have worked on making it comfy for us.This was meant to be where we built our future, I thought wistfully as I followed James inside. I thought back to the writings over my grave, I was Allie Reed, James's wife to the entire world. I followed him as he made his way inside without switching on any lights.
He made his way to the cabinets, grabbing a bottle containing a brown liquid,I knew it was liquor. He tipped the entire bottle to his lips, what a cliche I thought angrily. Man has been drowning his sorrows in drinks since time immemorial, but did I want that for my James? Absolutely not. I didn't miss how I had started to think of him as mine. Love after death, was there something like that. I don't think so, I sighed.
James was soon passed out on a chair, his neck tilted at an uncomfortable angle. I walked over to him, not gonna happen young man, I told him before lifting him off from the chair. We made our way to one of the bedrooms where I deposited him before taking off his shoes and socks to make him more comfortable. He looked more relaxed now.
I lay beside him, turning on my side to face him. I ran my hands through his wild mane, sweeping it off his face. The small dusting of stubbles on his jaw made him more handsome. I love you, I whispered softly, hoping to give him peace at least in sleep. Can a ghost or a soul sleep I asked myself and I found that I couldn't sleep exactly but I could sort of float in a  meditative coma, nothing as fulfilling as sleep but nonetheless restoring. I was woken up by the feel of strong fingers, running over my face. I opened my eyes to see a very awake James staring right at me. Leaving no doubt as to my visibility regarding him. He can see me, touch me, it is as if I hadn't died for him. May be there's still hope for us, I thought giddily. But wasn't I being selfish, stealing from him a life of happiness, normality filled with children and laughter. No,I wouldn't do that. I will help him move on, I pledged. But now I have to escape, make him believe that he's dreaming.

"I am tired, let's sleep." I said casually snuggling him. He felt warm to my touch does that mean I am cold like a corpse to him, I tried to pull away but his arm tightened around my waist.

"No, you don't Allie....stay with me at least in this dream. I know you wouldn't be there when I wake up. Stay with me at least when I sleep. "

Soon he was lost to this world,asleep.I quickly hid myself not wanting him to see me again.