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Incorrect Lams Quotes 44

idk what to saY so here's a joke-
what do you call a chicken looking at a pile of lettuce
a chicken sees a salad

enjoy jully🥺
LAURENS207

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John: You're so hot!
Alex: Can you please stop talking to your soup like that-

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[when the kids go back to school]

John: I miss them so baD-
John: Last night in the bath I ate a whole box of taco shells-

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John: Why does Philip have a bruise on his forehead-
Alex: We were at the park and I yelled "DUCK" at him so he quacked at me-
Alex: And then he hit his head on the monkey bars-

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[at their wedding]

Priest: Repeat after me-
John: After me after me after me after me after me after me after me after me after me after me after me after me after me after me after me after–
Priest, to Alex: Are you sure this is the one you want-

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John: None of you ever stop to say thank you to the giant woman twerking to make the ocean work and it shows-
Alex: Do- do you mean the moon?

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John: *writing in his diary* Dear Diary, today I cried. But that happens every day. So in conclusion: nothing happened today

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Frances: Bet you can't eat fifteen crayons!
Philip: Bet you I can!
Alex: *sips coffee, checks to make sure 911 is still on speed dial, and goes back to reading the paper*

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John: *dials 911*
John: Hey I hate to be that guy but I glued myself to the ceiling again-

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John: Don't go into the kitchen-
Alex: Why?
John: I saw a spider-
Alex: Well did you kill it?
John: It has 8 arms and I only have 2, it's not fair-

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Alex: I fell-
John: From heaven?
Alex: No I literally fell-
John: In love with me the moment you saw me?
Alex: MY ARM IS BROKEN-
John: Okay, but do you think I'm pretty? Be honest-

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Alex: Are you drinking enough water?
John: Sometimes my tears get in my mouth-

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Frances: I'm so tired of the "not like other girls" mentality or making fun of people for having traits and interests that are generally deemed as "feminine". Screw that! I'm just like other girls.
Frances: I love putting on makeup. I love wearing skirts-
Frances: I love committing arson. I love playing cards with the giant lizard that lives in the sewers. I love visting the witch in the enchanted forest and collecting mushrooms with her-
Frances: And, I love the color pink. Just like other girls-
Alex: O h-

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John: We're out of eggs again!
Alex: It's okay, there's cereal-
[later]
John: *throwing Cheerios at Jimmy's house with Philip* This sucks-

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Alex: I don't know what's more pathetic. The fact that you picked a fight with a bunch of children on a playground, or the fact that you lost-
John: They had superior numbers and no mercy-