Rip My Heart Out

Chapter Twenty-Five

A/N If you're a female and you have a name then please comment what it is ;)

My hand drops from Luke's hair and I stare at his ceiling.

What did I just do?

"Holy shit." Luke whispers, slowly rising to look at me.

Oh my god, what did I just do?

I quickly stand up, basically pushing Luke off of me. Embarrassed, I pull my jeans up and start looking for my shoes. "I have to go."

"Stay." He says, crawling up his bed and getting under the blankets.

"I need to leave, I can't believe you just did that to me." I put one shoe on.

"You wanted it." Luke's eyes aren't even open. He's pulling the covers up over his shoulders.

"No, I didn't. You made me want it, I didn't want that. That was a sin, that was an awful, awful sin." I search for my other shoe.

He doesn't respond, he's fallen asleep.

I run my fingers through my hair. What did I just do? I need to go home and repent and take a shower to get him off of me and then I need to repent more. My mother's going to find out, the whole church is going to find out, everyone is going to know I let a faggot do this to me. That I liked it.

Once I find my other shoe I rush out of his house, pushing past all the people who are still there.

I walk home praying that God wasn't watching.

•

When the sun comes up the next morning my mother looks into my room as if she's searching for something then let's out a sigh and smiles. "Did you stay at Lucas's all night?"

I nod. Her brows furrow and she frowns, "Have you gone to sleep? You look so tired."

"I can't." stop thinking about Luke.

She looks at me sympathetically and says "Well, I'll tell Harry not to bother you so you can rest."

When my door closes I flinch. I wanted it, he was right. I want it again. I just don't want this feeling of guilt that come afterwards.

Every time I close my eyes all I see is the image of Luke and his lips and his tongue...

I need to talk to Calum, he can fix it.