To Have and To Hold

Chapter 14

How to put a value on moments that in the blink of an eye enter the realm of memories? How to capture that glimmer of light breaking the solid doom with razor-sharp precision? How to appreciate paradise before eternal eviction?

The mind-numbing peace lasted for about as long as successful imprisonment of an invisible butterfly in a gilded cage. Hiding from the truth in his arms, being anesthetized by his presence, lulled into fake security provided the equivalent of floating on warm, fuzzy clouds. Sadly, adaptation to Lisa's drug had already set in, making the highs shorter and shorter before hurling her down the rollercoaster into despair.

Don't do it, Lisa. He will be gone soon enough. Don't start to grieve while you have this moment. Don't give it away so easily.

Why not? Why not be realistic and see this for what it was? Sex. Very good sex. A biological function. There were no fairytales. No happy endings. Not for her. Not this time. Or ever, really. There was no relief. No merciful wake up call. This was not just another nightmare. This was her in the bed of a married man whose wife had just stopped by for lunch. The mother of his child. Granted, all she had was a cheap ass wedding ring, but so what? Who cared if Michael sent his assistant to shop at Walmart if the real treasure, the true bond was contained safe and securely in her belly?

And guess, what, Lise, the person to blame for all this can be found in the nearest mirror.

Yep. No more lies, and no more rationalization. She might have had all the wonderful reasons in the world to hold out on him about another baby. And they might make all the sense to any rational adult. Too bad they had not held water to Michael's sense of entitlement and his logical rules. The Debster had offered before, in the past, and he had held off as he started to see Lisa as a viable option. Procreating with the daughter of the King of Rock n' Roll was after all a much superior idea to being the Daddy to Nursey's baby. She had lied to herself, justified that he wanted a child with the woman he loved: her.

Too funny. Downright hilarious. Well, maybe that was what he had told himself - he liked to have this nice little, squeaky clean image of his motives. Then, at some point it had stopped to matter- he wanted a baby. Any baby. Idiotic regards like love, grief, or a healthy family didn't matter. Not in his world.

He was not interested in working things out, and he was not interested in her emotional turmoil. There was only one thing he was focused on. Hell, she was surprised he didn't simply ask her for her egg and hurry off to the nearest lab.

Things had gotten so horribly bad, even their sex life took a hit. At one point, when he whined again, crying like an injured doe that he needed a baby, she sarcastically had remarked they might need to have sex for that- and he had looked at her as if she had lost her mind. Maybe that was when she had given him the wonderful idea to find himself a willing egg donor, a turkey baster, and a lab. The willing donor, of course, was his very good friend, waiting in the wings, no doubt listening to his pain and fueling his delusion. The only upside to any of these thoughts was imagining how Debbie was ripping her panties off, only to have Michael hand her a syringe with sperm. Her face would have been truly priceless. No wonder she hit back by making some calls to the tabloids. At least he had caught on to that gambit. Not that it changed anything. Debbie had won.

Michael must have felt her stiffen, and he kissed her head one more time, backing off to find her eyes.

"You ok? You're not crying again, are you, girl?"

"Nope." Lisa sniffled and wiped her eyes just in case.

"I might have caught something on the plane. You know how it's really just a breeding ground for germs."