Track Thirty Two

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Almost 11 pm

November 18th

Ice stabs into my lungs and my toes fall off.

I can't see or move or feel.

I don't even register swimming to the shoreline until Brian and I are shakily crawling onto the surface.

"Holy shit" he breaths.

We pant on the wet sand for several seconds- did I really think this was a good idea? I can't believe we actually went through with this!

Good memory.

"Lets go" I say while shaking to my feet and grabbing Brian's not wrapped up hand. We walk oddly fast and our teeth chatter the whole way back to the house.

That might have been the longest journey of my life.

"These are my only clothes" I say once we enter the oddly cold mansion. Is the AC on?

He nods and we walk into his room, our damp clothes dripping slowly onto the floor. He hands me a hoodie and sweats from his scarce closet.

Deja vu.

"I will use the upstairs shower, you can use that one" he says while pointing toward the direction of the bathroom next door. I knew there was more than on bathroom.

I don't argue.

The moment I lock the bathroom door I strip out of my freezing clothes and turn the shower on. It takes an eternity to get hot.

I sigh as the warm water hits my icy body. There are a surprising amount of body care products lining the shelves in here.

I choose the shampoo that I'm pretty sure is Brian's and the conditioner that is also presumably his. Pinewood and cherry.

No wonder his hair always looks so flawless.

For several minutes I bask in the warmth until I decide it's time to be done. I roll up the sweats and shakily put them on and laugh at the design on the hoodie he gave me.

It's a Foo Fighters graphic with mustaches and devil horns drawn on all the members.

I riffle through the drawers of the sink and am not surprised to see that some of Taya's stuff has accumulated here. I put on her face cream before shaking my hair out and exiting the bathroom.

Brian is already in his room wearing a plain black shirt and some grey sweats. A large smile grows on his lips upon seeing me.

"You promised me a secret" he says sweetly.

I sit next to him on the mattress and lean against the wall. I was originally going to tell him that I kicked an umpire in the face once. But seeing as he's leaving for three months- why not make it more interesting?

"I wrote a song about you" It's not the song I have to write if I become a Weezer fan. I wrote part of a song about Brian Bell because that's how I like to express myself.

"No you didn't" He says while facing me.

I nod. "I did Brian Bell. I did."

Do I dare go a step further? I mean he is leaving for three months. I can make myself somewhat vulnerable without any consequences.

Without breaking eye contact I lean off the bed and grab the red guitar from it's stand. I hear him gasp as I put the strap over my shoulder. I can't help but smile.

Last I played for someone- besides Taya- was never.

I didn't even play for Nick when he was alive.

I smile the tiniest bit while fixing the E string back into tune. His expression is the most unreadable I've ever seen it. I sigh and close my eyes and begin the four chord progression.

I decide to only sing the first verse.

You never said my name,

my mind was not the same

ever since that day

you were my saving grace

I played it slower than I normally do and sing quieter than I ever have. My voice isn't excellent but it's passable. I suddenly feel very exposed, especially since Brian hasn't said anything.

I open my eyes reluctantly and find that Brian has the sweetest smile on his face. His teeth aren't showing but it reaches his eyes in a way that I've never seen.

"In the history of my life, no on has ever done something that incredible for me"

Woah. Did not expect a reaction that good. I thought he would clap his hands or kiss me or something. I don't know anything about his past.

"In the history of my life I've never met someone like you" I say softly. I'm not good at real conversations and can feel my seriousness dying.

He carefully lifts the guitar from off me and places it back into its holder. He then wraps his arms around my waist and places his head just below my chin. I shuffle so that my head is on his pillow and reach over to turn off the lamp.

We slowly fall asleep like this, my hands coursing through his hair and him softly humming my tune.

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