Without Jesse

(17) the first session

✨Talia✨

~2 days later~

After I had told Sam the full story I felt as if the many knots inside my stomach had been untied.

~Flashback~

"She killed herself...but died in my arms." 1 knot loosened, "I felt so sad and empty the first 3 months." 1 knot untied,

 "My friends called but they didn't matter. All that mattered was that Jesse wasn't one of them." 2 knots gone, 

"There's a video, websites and even donations for Jesse's family. And the charity that helps people dealing with suicidal attempts or stuff like that." A 3rd knot loosened. "I was so angry at her family for just... letting go so easy. She was gone. And they were getting a daily payday." 3rd knot untied...

Sam listened quietly, and even offered for me to stop when I got all choked up. I felt all the anger I had bottled up and all the wasted hours sitting in my room crying go into my telling him the truth.

After I told him we went back to our classes which were extremely boring. But all the pain I had felt that had been twisted into each lie was gone once I spoke.

Sam was angry when I started off with telling him how I had lied about my parents fighting. But when I explained the real reason why I had been acting up he started to understand why I lied. I told him how I wanted no one to find out about Jesse. 

"I get pity party looks from my whole family, all my old friends and even just people that heard Jesse and my story and feel the need to pity me." I told him quietly, feeling the lump in my throat choke my words. Sam nudged me with his elbow and whispered,

"I will never pity you. Only feel empathy." It helped but the looks I would get were burned into my brain.

My school life had gotten pretty normal. Apart from the occasional call from my mother, which I ignored still. Ms. Tale tells me that I can't ignore her forever. Pfft..Watch me. I shook the memories from my head and thought back to my art project.

So far I had the sketch of 2 of my angels and 3 of my demons. I was sceptical on their looks but when I showed Sam and Sandy they immediately guessed the emotions. I was more open about my art project to only the 2 of them now they know my story.

They didn't even make a big deal about what I told them, they only bring up Jesse when I talk to them about my sessions that I am still annoyed about needing to go to.

And- NO! I scold myself for letting my mind wander away from the task at hand. I needed to sketch a few more angels and demons then I could start to paint them in. I was thinking lighter, warmer, happier colours for the angels and dark, colder, depressed colours for the demons.

Then-

"Hey! Watch it- Oh. Hey Watson." I slammed into a persons chest and felt the floor come into contact with my backside as I fell down. I looked up at Justin's smirking face and glared at him,

"You know, instead of being a jerk you could be a gentleman and help me up." I said while I picked up my sketchbook and stood up myself.

"And I think being a sexy jerk is better." Justin jeered as I faced him.

"I never said sexy- woah." I mumbled as a head rush settled in and blurred my vision. 

"What? My sexiness too blinding for even your eyes?" Justin's words made me slap him over the head lightly. I felt my frown slide into place as my vision came back.

"Urg. Forget it." I groaned I started to walk away, a hand grabbed my upper arm and I turned abruptly and glared at Justin's hand. As if realizing what he did, he whipped his hand away.