'You always have a choice' - Dean Winchester
(Tony's POV)
We sat there in silence, enjoying each other's presence, touch, aura - whatever you want to call it. An excuse to do something we both feared would be used against us, for so long, without proper reasoning.
The TV was off but we stared at it all the same, drinking in the image of our slightly entwined figures. It made me feel satisfied - satiated and complete. Seeing her like this, feeling her, breathing synchronised breaths - I was at peace like this, but knowing what is to come means I can't enjoy it as much as I would like. But still... I would take what I could get.
Then, just like most of the things in my life, it all went downhill in a rush of words, "the Rogues are joining Miss Potts, Colonel Rhodes and Happy in the elevator Boss, I tried to stop them but I could not disobey Miss Pott's orders." FRIDAY sounded apologetic, but it didn't remove the overwhelming sea of dread that was beginning to drag me in and threatening to drown me. They were coming. But it wasn't supposed to go down like this. It wasn't supposed to happen like this. No. No, this is not fair. I'm not ready...
Sensing my inner turmoil, Ophelia - Lola, shifts her hand to grasp mine more firmly - cooling ripples of blue and green wash over me, calming the thudding of my heart, and steadying my trembling limbs. But her touch did nothing to silence my laboured breaths - I could feel her sorrow for me as she shuffled closer; both of us preparing for the impending chaos; and leaned her head lightly against my shoulder, and maybe it didn't stop the dread completely, but it was enough and I think, sometimes, that's all a person can ask for. And so we waited.
One breath. Two. Three. Ding.
Oh.
I could feel Lola's body stiffen in sync with my own, my breaths now shuttered and her's hitched. Only a day in and everything was already straying from our plan, but there was nothing we could do but face it together. So as the shuffling of footsteps came to an abrupt stop behind us, as an eloquent voice exclaimed out of hope and a roughened voice groaned in confusion and despair, I brought forth the mask of Tony stark - billionaire, playboy, philanthropist - hiding Anthony somewhere deep and dark, so no one would know of the damage they had caused to him, and who he held closest to his heart. A smirk painted across my face, false confidence exuding off my shoulders, encircling Lola's from and informing her of my plan - she sat up straight, her shoulders high and poised, eyes narrow and face neutral, I couldn't help but to think of Pepper for a slight moment. A glimpse into a past life, a life that could've been forever - then it passed and all I could see was Lola. My Lola. And I knew I needed nothing more if she was safe and here. With me.
Releasing her hand from my own, I leapt up - stance wide and broad, FRIDAY at ready to deploy my suits. I see Lola from the corner of my eyes, her own twinkling with venomous mischief as she gazed up at me, excitement colouring her cheeks a radiant shade of jasper, mirroring my smirk now, only her's was genuine, a reflection of her desire to finally be able to put Rogers in his place. Maybe this wasn't how we wanted it to happen, but we'd make the best of the situation. With that in mind, I turned to deal with the cards that fate had dealt me.
I took in the sight before me, I bathed in the amusement that bubbled deep within my heart and tumbled out my throat, a laugh that sung in sadness then tore into a resounding sound of harsh, bitter betrayal. My gaze trailed over the four that led a group of down-trodden heroes out of the elevator. A fiery-haired, fierce Pepper, a stone-faced, protective Happy, a proud and jovial Rhodey... and Rogers. Miserable, traitorous Rogers. 'Pathetic.' Nothing else came to mind as my gaze trailed over the gawking Rogues, all dressed in the same tacky rags they had worn when they left me, because it seemed no matter how much they wanted to move on, fate wouldn't let them. I wouldn't let them, let him. Let Rogers.
"So... I'm not dead." My hands sprung of at each side, shaking in a sardonic manner, 'surprised?' I thought bitterly, watching as Wanda's face had fallen in disappointment, Nat and Clint too disgusted to face me, Sam and Scott looking shocked and relieved, Barnes - a man burdened by the sins of his past, a man I've come to forgive and understand - recoiled in broken grief and guilt and then Rogers, disappointed and patronising... nothing seemed to change then. But before another word was spoken, before I could glimpse at those I yearned for the most on my journey back, I felt someone embrace me, and as if on instinct in the face of an unfamiliar touch, my body reared back harshly in response, pushing off the figure and reaching towards Lola. I felt her presence close to me, the tendrils of her magic invisible to all but me, climbing up from my fingertips, up my wrist and arm and shoulder, travelling down my scarred sternum to encircle the reactor. I hadn't even realised I had been staring at her until I heard someone clear their throat - Rhodey.
"Tones. You're here... you're here, how long have you been here?" His voice was thick with emotions, but his face was filled with relief. I couldn't look at him much longer, though standing taller than ever, proud regardless of his situation, I couldn't help but be reminded of the consequences of my stubbornness. Legs bound, a man restrained from his previous life and it was all my fault.
Glancing back I see that it was probably Pepper who had embraced me - a Pepper who looked much older than the one who had waited for me after Afghanistan, wiser too. She had always been strong, but now she looked secure, as though she finally knew who she was and who she was going to be, although none of that confidence helped in covering up her hurt and agony - and knowing I had pushed her away caused guilt to tug at my heart, but Lola's ever-present touch reminded me of all the moments she told me I can't blame myself for not being ready. And it's times like this I'm grateful for those words. With a hesitant smile to both Pepper and Rhodey, an individual apology to each of them for how I've wronged them, I sighed before another awkward smile stretched across my face. I've faked enough smiles that now it only feels natural.
"In New York? A day. Back in the doomed country?" The silence stretched for a beat, then two, another and another. Then with a sharp exhale, "...a year."
Although the Rogues hadn't been part of our plan, seeing their blanched faces surely made up for the obstacle, but nothing could have prepared me for the chaos which then ensued. Barking orders from the right, concerned questions from the left, death threats from the Rogues' dearest. More and more and more. Louder and louder and louder.
...silence.
Except I could still see their lips moving, their angry and raw expressions, their anguished cries and hesitant stumbles to reach out for me. No, no, no. I leapt back, I kept moving and dodging and shifting until I found her. I tried to hide my fear, but I could feel the blood drain from my face, my eyes dry and sore, my breaths harsh and ragged and my arms at the ready to summon a suit and escape. Again, and, oh, did that sound appealing.
It was there, in that moment dreaming about home, my home, our home, I felt something tug at me, grasp my soul and pull me back to reality. It was only then I realised everyone had finally stopped, motionless and timid, then glancing to the figure that stood before me I saw the white tendrils, the same wisps of magic, untainted by the horrors haunting its summoner, the only form of the unknown that I found myself fascinated by, safe with. She twisted her face towards me, her fingers clenching around my own, and seeing our hands entwined together I regained the strength I had almost lost. I shut my eyes, reminding myself of all the reasons why I was here in the first place. Why I had left behind all the things I loved and felt safe with, left behind the one place in the world where I could be Anthony and not Tony, Thanos. And he was coming for everything I have ever cared about, and being the selfish man I am... he's going to have to go through me first.
