Bad Habits

Beyond the ocean

As dinner was being served up, Alex cooed Miles who was getting uncomfortable over the food. Alex knew the man struggled. Alex wanted his turtle prince to remember "Don't be afraid. Take a deep breath and count 1...2...3" Miles was trembling as Jay tried to serve up the beautiful pasta. "Miles do you want a smaller serving?" Jay asked seeing his anxiety and Miles nodded before getting up to go to his bedroom to put some decent clothes on. "Alex. Thank you for coming over tonight. He looked so unhappy and unwell and I saw in his medicine back the note "LAST CHANCE" and I panicked as I can't help him that much." Jay whispered. I blushed lightly and shook my head and checked to see if Miles was watching this scene before whispering back, "I've made some shitty mistakes but I'm ready for him. I love him." Jay nodded and we sat down and Miles came and joined us.

Over tea we spoke of future plans and TV shows we were watching, Miles was watching My Family and he'd recently seen the episode Abi marries Roger and he apparently cried. Miles wasn't eating a lot but it was to be expected. "Maybe we should be an Abi and Roger, Alex...a couple who don't understand social norms." He whispered. I froze and went red. Really red. Fire red. "What? You mean it?" Alex gasped, Miles smiled weakly and nodded. "Jay? What do you say?" Miles asked him and Jay and I winked at eachother and he nodded. "Don't mess me up Turner or so hell will cast on your door." He snarled darkly. Alex choked on a piece of pasta. "Miles, it's medication time after tea..." Jay reminded him and Miles nodded but he was still struggling to eat. I worried Miles felt overwhelmed so I mouthed to Jay I was leaving so he nodded and I went to leave then Miles caught me. "No. Jay goes not my boyfriend." He sighed. Jay understood and we thanked him for dinner and he left.

Miles had a weak smile and was scared I was going to force feed him. "Alexander, I'm sorry...it'll take me awhile to eat a meal again." Miles confessed. I shook my head and he hugged me, he was thankful I was here and he gripped my hand and I started to cry. Guilt was overtaking me. "Mi...I'm sorry it's all my fault." I wept and he froze up and looked at me. I was fragile, breaking round the edges. "Alex please, don't cry I'm here, I'm alive and so are you." He hushed me but I shook my head and tightened my grip on him. He whimpered in pain but I couldn't let him go, not now; not when he looked like a ghost. Then Miles let out a wheeze and his eyes rolled back. I screamed his name but he was gone.

I cursed under my breath shaking him. I didn't know what to do other than take him to bed. I let him cradle my arms as I took him to his room. The room was warm and a big cupboard existed. I smiled at the sight of this very Miles room. The red velvet duvet covered his bed. I lay him down and watched him scared. What if I have killed him? What if he is seriously hurt? I went over to the table with the food on and got his plate, cutting the pasta in half. I also put on a record; The Adverts - Crossing the Red Sea. The youthful sound of punk teenage angst softly played as I sighed wondering how to make him feel better. Then I saw a notebook on his bedside table. It was black but it looked like one ideas or days would be written about. Cautiously I picked it up.

*FLASHBACK TO 2011*
Miles had just finished a show and he saw Alex at the side "My pretty turtle!" Alex yelled at the sweaty mod. Miles laughed and blushed. "You naughty monkey!" He yelled back. Alex scoffed and chased after him. Alex had spent 10 minutes chasing him when suddenly he vanished in a sea. A sea so deep and dense it was like a rainforest. Alex froze worried Miles did this deliberately, he was after all a party goer. But the truth was much more darker. Miles was in a backroom taking heroin.

Miles shot up his 3rd dose of the night and sat back in a daze. He felt on cloud nine and didn't want to come down. The world and time slowed down. He calmly lay down on the floor, his eyes drooping and his mouth agape in joy. He didn't know he had overdosed. He didn't know he was close to the reapers door until he felt someone cry.

Alex asked a few party members if Miles was there but many hadn't seen him. Alex got the feeling Miles set this party up so he went into his dressing room where Alex found a notebook, it was black and a page was folded as if it was holing a page. Alex opened it on that page. "Backroom 2, after the show, Johnny Marr." Alex mouthed a curse, he was confused but ran there anyways. That's when he saw Miles on the floor in a heroin trance. He screamed his name. He cried. It was another 2 hours and then Miles woke up, worried his friend knew the truth. Luckily he never did.

This notebook was very similar to the one I saw that night. I opened it up and read the second page: days clean from drugs: 36. My eyes widened and I gulped. He took drugs? I began reading further. It was full of letters. One stuck out to me. It was directed to his mum.

Mother,
I am so sorry I can't be as strong as you. I miss you so much, I wish we could have the bond we had when I was younger. I wish to make a new album and dedicate it to you as everyday I'm clean it's for you. One thing you should know is I'm bisexual. I like girls and boys. I'm not high, I'm scared. Everytime I shot up heroin or took lsd or cocaine I was hiding from my true self. I didn't want to be different. I was scared everyone would attack me.

I love you. Please never forget that! Next week I will be in contact with my dad, to tell him who I am. I wish he and I had this bond. But we're so close I don't want to taint it.

Miles x

My heart thumped a loud KABOOM as my breaths got shaky. I saw Miles was now awake. He was blinking and breathing rapidly. "Miles its not what it looks like." I blurted out and he looked away. "Miles please don't kick me out!" I whined, he surely was going to mention this one day. He sighed heavily and sighed before muttering, "I guess now you know." Before eating some food. He still wasn't okay but he added a reassurance, "I was going to tell you but I guess you don't need telling you just need questions answering." I nodded and he asked me to sit next to him. This was the time we began to open up, like a butterfly.