The Pseudocide of the Moon - Complete

Olivia

Shortly after our engagement I started up going to see Matthew again. I felt like the stress of the wedding and my back in forth debate on whether I should invite my family or not really made it hard to function. It's been six months since he's proposed and we had lots to do still.

Matt has been incredibly helpful and I updated him on everything that had happened the past few months. To say he was shocked was an understatement. When I told him I faked my death to get away from a guy he was speechless. And when I followed up with the fact that I was now engaged to said person he almost choked on his on spit. 

But he led me through my feelings graciously and helped me open up on the real feelings I was holding on to.

I realized that I was pushing him away because I was scared that he would leave me one day and so I left first. While I thought that I was scared of the press and his fans, and that did hold some truth, I really was just scared of loosing him.

He asked if I had opened up to Chris on what happened to my brother. I had not... And I wasn't sure if I was ready. I don't know if I ever will be. And he agreed, but Matt said that if I wanted to be able to fully trust Chris, if I wanted to not have emotional barriers between us I had to open up with him about this.

Matt explained that while we didn't have to share all of our childhood trauma with our partner, if it was something that would inhibit our emotional connection, there wasn't a choice. The loss of my brother was something I held on to for a long time and I needed to be able to share this with him so he could understand when I was hurting. And he was right. 

So I decided that I needed to muster up the courage to open up. Even if that hurt. Because eventually one day it wouldn't hurt as bad. And one day if I break down crying from the memory of him, I'll have Chris by my side to hold my hand.

"Hey so should we go with the paisley or the silk tie?"

I look at Ronnie and give her an "are you kidding me?" look.

"Alright silk, cuz you want everything matching," she shakes her hands in a mocking tone.

"I want everything to flow."

"You want everything to flow but you went with green for the wedding instead of red, which that doesn't make sense."

"The ring is singular and deserves to stand out. Plus you already know I want Tuscany wedding vibes."

"You're lucky I love the olive green silk dresses for the bridesmaids."

I roll my eyes, "Please you already knew I was going to choose those colors regardless of the color of my ring."

"I know, I know. Okay so I was thinking for the bachelorette party we can go to Florida!"

"We're not going to Florida, that's tacky."

"It is not tacky! Are you kidding me! The Latin night clubs, the food, the beach, it's perfect!"

"I told you we're gonna have a spa day and then we'll order bubbly. Besides I already booked a suite at a hotel downtown."

"What? You did? What hotel?"

"Ronnie don't worry about it. I've got it covered."

"But I'm the maid of honor! I'm the one that should be planning that!"

"Okay you can plan the games, or gifts we do. You know I like to know what's going on."

"Fine, but we're gonna get drunk..."

"Sure whatever you say."

The front door opens and Dodger runs off the couch and to the door.

"Is daddy home Dodger?"