Stitches

If it's not broken, don't fix it

Time has passed, my wounds haven't healed. Finally moving out, leaving everything back starting a new life. It will be hard, but I believe in my mother and I. I know we can do it. I won't act like a silly bitch. It is still engraved into my memory. Whatever I do, it still remains in there. Small figments of trauma. I remember it all, I won't forget anything, I just have to live with it. There is nothing I can do other than fight, fight for a better life. A life that doesn't hurt me. I'm glad my mother agreed to move. We don't know where, all we do know is that the house has already been sold to someone. Good luck to them living in that house, they need it so so much.

I could feel my pulse raising as I jogged faster. Ever since the incident, I have jogged 5 miles every day. It helps me and it acts like my mental therapy. Pure air enters my lungs, whilst the dirty air leaves my lungs. It is my own makeshift therapy. I was on my 2nd mile, the wind had picked up somewhat. My hair flew in the breeze as I had forgotten my beanie. I was hoping that no one was looking or staring at me. I don't like anyone peeking on me, never again. I shivered with my thoughts. My devastating and sad thoughts, which are a result of my father. I took in a deep breath. It's okay, I thought to myself. He can't hurt you. You made sure of that.

My legs felt like rocks, especially my calves. My body doesn't have a lot of muscles, however it doesn't have fat either. I wish I had more arm muscles though, just so my punch could have been harder. I put me left hand around my right wrist. My wrist looked normal, you couldn't see anything bisare. No one knew that the scars were mentally engraved into me. No one needed to know. A clusterfuck of emotions suddenly came back. I removed my hand, focusing on my run, and my run only. I took two more deep breaths. A strong gust of wind pushed me forward. Nature was on my side clearly. I fixed my glasses, not paying attention to the road. One second was enough.

I jogged half speed straight into a poor pedestrian. The pedestrian was tough, which meant that I ricocheted off of them. I landed with a thud on the grass-patch next to the road. It didn't hurt, it was a minor bump. The pedestrian in front of me gasped. I was used to gasping, especially when I talked about myself. I fixed my glasses yet again, looking up trying to see the pedestrian I hit. I felt sorry because it was my fault. I could tell that the pedestrian was a man. Good physique, a jacket, sunglasses, no hair on his head. He reached out his hand. My entire world collapsed.

Flashbacks appeared in my brain. Seeing his hand in front of me reminded me of things I didn't want to see. Just make it stop. The man mumbled something, however I could only see my someone else in his shadow. It's okay, breathe, breathe calmly. I breathed in two shallow breaths, feelings both scared, angry and confused. Just make it stop. The man tilted his head, looking strangely at me. He was more confused than me. His entire body approached me, almost checking me out. My entire body was frozen, my mind wasn't. I wanted to scream, and that is exactly what I did. I cried wolf.

"Get away from me!". My scream sent him back, empowering me to get up. I shot up, breathing heavily, unable to keep some tears in. I was stuck, stuttering almost to the man. I was lost.
"I- I- s-sorry-". I turned my head away before looking away. I couldn't anymore. I didn't want it anymore. I ran, ran as fast as I can. I am not a coward. I am just a pussy. That is what I am, a pussy. He was right. I closed my eyes, running straight home. I have had enough of this world. I want my mom and my mom only. My nose was running, my eyes were tearing up. I was more that lost.

I couldn't breathe. I had ran too fast. I looked around me, seeing noone and nothing. I was alone, alone in a cruel and devastating world. Ahead of me was a tree, hidden away in plain sight. I barely managed to walk over to the tree. I looked around me once more, seeing nothing. I sat down, grabbing tightly around the lonely tree. I cried. I cried like I had never cried before. No one could hear me, I thought. I was truly alone. I crumbled up into a ball, brushing my nose against my warm hoodie. My blue hoodie was now full of eyeshadow. The same eyeshadow my mother had helped me put on this morning. I heard the bushes rattling. I jumped, thinking someone was around me. After realising it was the wind, more tears flooded my eyes.