random shit because im bored

vent-ish post

Uh don't read this I just like writing to get everything out of my system
Also I am feeling a bit better but still really shitty so I may need like a day or two take care of yourselves
Also sorry

So today it was book 'o ween meaning we dress up as a book charcter and today I felt pretty good with my female body so I went with my U.A blazer even though it was tight.

Everything was amazing I felt super secure even after having a mental breakdown and cutting my hair the night before. It was so good. Until we went out side.

We were just playing with each other,running around, crushing up smarties and "smoking" them (pfft- that sounds weird-) it was all good but then my "friend" started crying bc she was super clingy with her bf (noah .f aka my ex bff) and he was talking to other people.

And I know it may be selfish but I was kinda annoyed at her. It may sound wrong but let me explain. First off he was in range. She could have got up and went to him, but she chose to sit and cry (which seemed fake) and pull attention to her self and make ME go get noah.

She always asks me to get noah and it's so annoying (sorry if I sound rude if so stop reading) like other people are there and I'm your friend to so why aren't you even paying attention to be besides when you want noah or he isn't there. Back to the point noah came and I was still there bc I'm a good "friend".

She calms down and we start goofing around and I start to hang out with noah being so.ewhat friends again and I was acually happy it was great but when I would like shove noah as a joke she would shove me and HISS at me and it started to acualy hurt like she was shoving me hard I almost fell in the grass.

So out class decided to go on a walk and I'm having a good time talking to one of my old friends and time goes on and all the class arrives at the chain ( blocking people from the track so they don't go in) and harmony sits down and starts crying (in with her head on her knees and only her friends pay attention) so I'm concerned I may be rude-ish but I still care so I ask what's wrong and one of me and harmony says it's my fault and all of our other friends just agree saying I pulled noah from her when they were talking.

First off he's my friend too. Second I was the one who PUT THE TOGETHER like come on. So I just go and I start to get less happy bc why would they just put the blame on me I did nothing.

Also before I had to guide noah around bc he was in a inflatable costume and it was hard to move

Back to where I was we and eating cand and things like that when this one girl (hair girl) starts saying something like "stop doing thta yiu are going to get ME in trouble" are before people were talking behide my back to where I could hear and giving me weird looms so I kinda started to disotioate while I thought and while doing that I started to get kinda depressed and felt horrible so I just stopped what I was doing.

Then it was just me Andy,harmony,and noah. Harmony was talking about something but I felt like it was a lie bc her facts did not match up and it was kinda just weird. But they were giving her attention and noah was hugging her and they were talking and I started to feel even more bad. Like if she put her head down everyone would ask if she is ok and if she said she was fine they would stay there and "help" her.

Yet here I am. Legit loo4j41king depressed af. Looking worse than her. And they comfort her. That made me cry like why not me. Noah used to do such weird things that lovers would do yet it was really comforting to have such a close friend. Yet then harmony came along and he completely changed and so did everyone else and it felt horrible.

And we go out side so I just sit out while hiding in my hood while crying and noah comes over and ask weird things and then he askes like "and you have like a depressive episode?" Or something like that and I put a thumbs up bc I wanted comfort Yet ge just says ok and leaves. That made me cry more.

Now that I got some of that let me get back to why I was also annoyed. She has him in her reach. She can see him everyday.  Touch him at school. Talk to him. Yet here I am more thta a 1000 miles away and if I don't have my co.puter uts game over. It the thing I'm on doesn't work it's done. Yet here she is crying for him not being a foot next to her. That just made me annoyed.

And I also can't even talk to my lover.
The thing I talk to her on is broken so I can't talk to her. I haven't talked to her all week. and you have talked to him. Every.fuking.day. it makes me cry knowing that I can't even get one hug in a month yet you get them every day and you still make me get your bf just so you can have him.
If you want him so bad then get him your fuking self and suck it up.

Sorry if I sound rude bit if you read this the don't say anything I can't write how I feel correctly so it seems kinda rude

Also don't vote oflr comment please-

I don't want to k ow you saw this

Also I feel way better like I though so thank you wattpad for letting me write

Wow that was a lit and that wasn't even the whe day-

Sorry