i will take good care of you.

i'll be brave.

annushka wanted to be welcomed to motherhood with open arms but was ultimately spit on upon the birth of her child, andrew. her child was so beautiful to her, she couldn't understand why she was told to give him up. if she couldn't take care of him, then who would? she couldn't let him on his own, he was only four years old.

if anything, the rumors spread about them were more horrifying than the illness he had. andrew was too young to know exactly what they were saying about him, and too young to understand every venomous word spewed, yet he always was in ear's reach to hear them. no child should be hearing such vile things, and all annushka could do was make sure that no one hurt her child.

everyone always asked her why she is keeping such a disgrace of a child. why should a mother ever hear such words? a mother's love is kind, it is genuine and it is pure. if no one had your back, a mother always would. and annushka loved her dear son with every fiber in her being.

watching andrew grow to be his own person was such a lovely experience. even if he couldn't enjoy the sun like the other kids would and play with them, he still found ways around. although, annushka always wanted him to have friends to play with. she felt that one day andrew would grow too tired of her and not want to be around her, as older children tend to do.

she sometimes thought about how life would had been for andrew had he not been born with albinism. it was a very selfish thought, but everyone has those thoughts from time to time. no amount of dwelling on the possibility of a different reality could make it happen.

but it still made her ponder. andrew wouldn't have to fight to live, he wouldn't avoid the sun and run through it bravely, the villagers would leave their family alone, she could go to church with her son and not be scrutinized, he would get to grow up with the other kids in his town, he wouldn't be told he was a freak of nature, he would go to a public school, he would have nicer clothes and maybe, just maybe, even annushka would be told she would have been a good mother.

nobody ever told annushka she was a good mother; only a heretic for prolonging this monstrous child's life. disgusting words. but whatever feeling she had about this was sidelined because the words said about andrew were much worse. she could defend herself, but andrew couldn't. she would take every hit and stone meant for her son. her body may have ached for so long, but no child deserved such treatment.

no matter what hardships that came their way, it never made her love for her son diminish. andrew was a kindhearted kid at heart, even if he was often skittish and quiet. he liked to read books that were too complex for him, he liked to help out in the vegetable garden and help pick out the food, he liked to listen to his mother sing, he liked to scribble on paper with his worn down crayons, he liked to run around the house and have his mother chase him. he was, at his core, just a child.

not all their days were gloomy and terrible, though. whenever annushka had the time and whenever the villagers would be inside, she would take her son up to the big flower meadow, where no one would ever find them. they would pick the flowers, with andrew picking the prettiest only for his mother. he often picked the irises out, saying that they would make her look so pretty.

she always told him that he was such a thoughtful child, and that anyone would be happy to have him as their son. though andrew knew the reality of the situation, hearing such comforting words put his troubled mind to ease. and then they would run back home, flowers in the basket that andrew carefully held, to put into a vase on the table. she always told him that she hopes that he would grow up into a kind, wonderful person.

but annushka had another selfish thought. she wanted her baby to stay little forever; her son growing up was the hardest thing ever for her to face. she remembers when andrew was a newborn baby, when the doctor told her that he had albinism and that she should give him up, where she held him in her arms. he was so small, his eyes stayed shut because the light was too strong for his eyes. he was very whiny because of this, and annushka could tell it was irritating the doctor.