Whatever It Takes

Chapter 40 - I Scare You

You and Barnes sit there in complete silence for what feels like hours. As you finish wrapping his arm with the makeshift bandages, his hand gently pulls at yours. "What happened?" He asks, his voice gentle as he examines your bandages, now slightly ragged at places; you realise you hadn't changed them since Sam had wrapped your hand the day before.

A sense of nervousness envelops you, making you tempted to pull your hand away from him, as he slowly unwraps the bandage, but you couldn't help but be transported back to the Red Room, or whatever it actually was. After training, the Winter Soldier would always help tend to any wound he had inflicted upon you. You had never been allowed to do the same for him, as HYDRA would always pull him away from you as soon as he was done. Just like back then, his touch is gentle, compared to his strong muscular, and quite dominating physique. "It's nothing." You shrug off.

As he sees your torn and ripped knuckles, his eyes look up at you. "It doesn't look like nothing." Grabbing the bottle of vodka, he soaks one of the last remaining pieces of towel, before tenderly cleaning off the dried blood from your knuckles. You feel the sting, but like with Sam, you don't wince. You had always been terrified to do it back then, in case you set the Soldier off. But this time it was different. "Who were you fighting?"

"A wall," You chuckle slightly, gritting your teeth as the pain slowly stops, turning back into a nip. Your heart swells as he lets out a little smile too, something you had never seen him do before. You can't help but admire it; such a beautiful feature on his face.

"And what did the wall do to you?" He lets out a small laugh, looking up at you as he tends to your hand. As you remember the incident in the shower, you sit up straight in the chair, not sure if you want to tell him the truth, or make something up. His eyebrows cross with concern; it's not a scary or dominating look, but reminds you instantly of the Winter Soldier. It was the look that was always strewn over his face. "Sasha?"

"I was hallucinating," You decide to go with truth. "I heard..." You pause, trying to find the right words to use without upsetting or angering him. You drop your head as you realise there are none that can. "I heard you. Screaming." His eyes darken as he looks at you, but not with anger, with fear. "The way you used to sound when they..."

"Stop." He whispers, dropping his head too. "I know what they did."

"I'm sorry," You place a hand over his; he flinches slightly, not accustomed to gentle touch, before slowly opening his palm and taking your hand into his, giving it a small squeeze. Again both of you sit in silence for a while; neither one sure what to say. There was so much history between you, and despite the way both of you felt about the other, none of your memories were particularly fond.

While his head is dipped, you can't help but look over at him, watching his face as his memories compound him. As you look down, eyes moving over his body, your attention is drawn to the little bit of skin peeking out at the collar of his shirt; it looks discoloured, almost bruised. Reaching out to pull his collar down for a closer look, he instantly finches, sitting up straight and throwing you a wary look. "I just want to help sold.." You stop yourself, cursing at the near slip up. "Barnes." You correct yourself. "It looks painful."

He takes a moment to think, before nodding and leaning back, letting go of your hand to take off his shirt. Sitting back with bated breath, you can sense the fear in him as you lean forward and examine his left arm. Right at the shoulder, where the metal arm meets his body, is a series of scars. Some clearly have been there for a long time, others extremely fresh and painful looking. As you stand up to get a closer look, walking around him to see a similar pattern at his back, he holds in a breath, as if waiting on something bad happening. "It looks infected," You sigh. "Vodka and towels aren't going to help this." You grab up your bag and make to leave, but within a flash he's standing in front of you stopping you.