She's a man, baby, A man
(The fire burns around Piper and Penelope.)
Piper: See? I knew it wasn't you.
Penelope: I didn't burn. I'm okay.
Prue: (With a man's voice) I'm not. (They turn and see Prue as a man.)
Penelope / Piper: Oh! Oh my God.
Piper: I don't believe it.
Prue: We have a new problem.
Commercial Break
(Scene: Manor. Outside Prue's bedroom.)
Piper: Prue, please come out.
Prue: Not until you reverse this spell.
Penelope: Come on. It's been over an hour already. (To Piper) Do you think she's touching herself?
Piper: The book doesn't say anything about a reversal. Maybe you're supposed to stay a man until you attract the Succubus.
Prue: Well, I'm not going anywhere.
Penelope: See?
Piper: Shh... (To Prue) You don't really have a choice. I'm thinking we need to get you to the dating service since that's where the Succubus picks her victims.
Penelope: That's actually a really good idea. She could... he can sign up like the rest of the guys.
Prue: Hey, I'm not signing up for anything.
Piper: Lives are at stake, Prue. Innocent men are going to die... we're your sisters, Prue. You don't have to be embarrassed. We're not gonna laugh. (She/He opens the door.)
Prue: How can I save anyone? Okay, I look ridiculous. I'm wearing clothes from the ex-boyfriend's pile. (Penelope starts to laugh.) I have hair in strange places and I have penis. (To Penelope) This is not funny. (She/He pushes her then slams the door close.)
Piper: What's matter with you?
Penelope: I'm sorry. I couldn't help it.
Piper: Prue, you don't have actually to date anyone. All you have to do is make yourself seen and available.
Penelope: You know, Prue, the sooner you trap the Succubus, the sooner you'll become a woman again. (She opens the door.)
Prue: It's easier said than done.
(Cut to downstairs.)
Piper: Okay, confidence. The walk, the talk, the handshake. It's all about confidence.
Penelope: Sports. Men like sports.
Piper: And sincerity... that's the key.
Penelope: But what really makes a man is the clothes he wears, the car he drives and the money he earns... according to Cosmo.
Prue: Okay, helping, you're supposed to be helping.
Penelope: Okay. Let's work on your walk.
Piper: All you have to do is visualize a man that you admire and then you emulate him. You know, the walk will follow.
Prue: A man that I admire... all right... I got that.
Piper: Okay. (She/He walks and then does a girlie turn at the end.)
Piper: The man you admire is Richard Simmons? (Piper and Penelope laugh. The doorbell rings.)
Penelope: Okay, I'll get Morris' files. Try to put together a list of attributes the Succubus is attracted to. You two get the door.
Prue: What?
Penelope: Well, think of it as a practice run for the dating service. Oh, oh... I know. Tom Hanks... everybody loves Tom Hanks. Think of him.
Prue: Tom Hanks.
Penelope: Everybody loves him. (Prue and Piper answer the door.)
Piper: Dan.
Dan: Hi, I didn't mean to interrupt but my freezer broke and I wanted to see if I could get some ice from you... guys.
Piper: Uh, oh, Dan, this is... this is... this is Manny. Manny Hanks. He's my... uh... he's my friend.
Dan: Well, it's nice to meet you. (Dan shakes Prue's hand.)
Penelope: (She screams from the kitchen) Piper, come in here, quick.
Piper: Okay, coming. I'll be right back with that ice.
Prue: (To Piper) Oh, wait, no.
Piper: (Whispering to Prue/Manny) He's a good man. (Piper goes to the kitchen.)
Dan: Have we met before? You look familiar.
Prue: Hmm.
Dan: So, have you known the sisters long?
Prue: I'm, uh, the brother they never had.
(Cut to the kitchen.)
Piper: What happened?
Penelope: Oh, I just... I had one of those hot flashes, the Succubus visions. Piper, I think I really am psychically connected to that thing. I see what she sees, feel what she feels. I felt excited.
Piper: Excited happy or excited aroused?
Penelope: Piper, she's in heat, okay. And so am I.
Piper: Well, that explains why you are burning up. Your libido must be connected to the succubus'
Penelope: Yeah, it's like I have no control over. (She gets a new flash.)
Penelope: It just happened again. I saw egg sacs. Oh my God. I think she's pregnant or ready to hatch.
Piper: You mean, there's gonna be a whole brood of them killing men?
Penelope: Unless we stop her, I think that's exactly her plan.
(Cut back to the foyer.)
Dan: So, Piper isn't seeing anyone? (Prue tries to copy Dan's moves.)
Prue: No, not really.
Dan: So Piper is seeing someone?
Manny/Prue: No, not really...God. I would just hate to see her with a guy who, oh, lets say on the third date just runs away. Don't you just hate men like that?
Dan: I don't know any men like that.
Manny/Prue: Oh... ha... How about those "niners"? (Piper and Penelope walks in)