Remembering Ice Abueva

A

Letter Note: Meeting You

My Dearest Agatha,

You' may be wondering, 'What was this letter all about, no?'

I'm sorry for writing you this letter, but your question from the other day definitely stuck in my mind last night when I was bored. I've been mulling it over for a while now since I'm not sure how to reply to your questions without seeming silly, and I'll be completely honest. I'm not even good at using words or expressing my thoughts, and this seems like such a bad idea, but the only thing I can think of is to write you a letter to let you know how I feel about it, and I sincerely hope it does through this letter, because I'm not sure if I'll ever tell you this in person.

'Do you remember how we firstly met?' That was your question; it was as simple as you say, yet I still found it difficult to reply. You almost laughed at me, kasi sabi mo, 'Why are you having a hard time answering this? You could just say the place,' as you said, but I wouldn't still answer you, and I remember how you just smiled and nodded in understanding at that time.

But you were right. It was a simple question; I could've just said the place or when it happened, but I still couldn't. Not because I didn't want to answer you, but because at that moment when you asked me, I was in deep thought, remembering where all this started.

You said before that our first meeting was an accident and the second one was just a coincidence, which it really was not. This is probably my little confession, but you don't know how I've searched for you after the 'accident' where you accidentally bumped into me, staining my white shirt with your coffee.

It was cliche, I know, but it was how it started. Our first meeting was really tattooed on my mind to the point that I got sleepless nights just thinking of you; how could I not? You were too significant to just forget that easily, and I remember your worried face. You couldn't leave my side without getting proper treatment because you said I was hurt. You were worried about how big the burn in my hand was and kept insisting on getting the treatment, so I let you. I let you because I saw how your eyes were close to tears. You probably felt sorry for how you hurt and caused inconvenience to someone, and I felt bad watching you be worried.

Our meeting only lasted an hour or so, a little fast if I say so, but the way you caught me really took its time to bug me the entire week, hindi ko alam kung bakit, but I'm so really eager to meet you again, for what reason? I'm not sure. I only just knew that I wanted to meet you again by all means, so I did the craziest thing I could think of. I tried to look for you. Bumalik ako sa place where we first met, at the same time and on the same day of the week. I did that, and I know it may sound ridiculous, pero hindi sakin. Dahil nga gusto kita makita, makilala kaya binalikaan ko yung place kung saan tayo una nagkita, even though I know I have a low chance to see you again. I did it for a couple of months, to the point where I became friends with the barista and manager of that Café. I became their regular for the amount of time I spent my free time on there just for the low chance of meeting you, but luck wasn't with me, and I almost gave up after a month of trying. Tingin ko kasi wala ng chance, and I also asked myself for what reason I could go this far for someone whom I've only met by chance? I don't even know your name, which I end up regretting not asking when I got the chance.

You know what are the odds of meeting you? Who knew I'd find you again after I gave up? Finally, I saw you. You were laughing at your friend, and you were still just as beautiful as what it painted in my mind's eye. Then, nung nakita kita, I asked myself, What's next? I saw you, na, pagkatapos non ano na? '

Then I realized, I genuinely want to be your friend, but tinamaan ako bigla ng hiya. I was afraid that you would freak out if you happened to see me again. Ni hindi ko nga alam kung you if still remember me, and if you knew what I did before meeting you, it would frighten you out and make you hate me. Kaya, I was content only with seeing you again and never dared to ask for more, kasi yon naman talaga yung plano ko una palang, so, Daryll, thank you. Thank you because when I got brave and decided to talk to you, you were all smiley, like you were encouraging me to go on and talk, and you will listen kahit na ilang beses akong nag shutter throughout the time that I'm introducing myself. And when I found your name, that really made my day. Sa wakas, you won't be the coffee girl I used to call you, but now I finally get to know your whole name.

Perhaps you've been my crush ever since,  and yes, I was the one who fell first, not the other way around, as you keep insisting when someone asks you, 'who fell first'

I will still fall harder and deeper in love with you until I lose the breath of this life, and if life gives me the chance to love again, I will always choose to love you in all iterations of this universe, Agatha.

You are the one to whom this heart will always belong.

— Ae