❝YOU'VE GOT TALENT❞
-@keikaminari - date: 01/17/2022
FANSIGN
╭┈─────── ೄྀ࿐ ˊˎ-
-ˏˋ こんにちはˊˎ-
in which a troubled girl is caring for her sick brother, who loves with some random K-Pop boy group. will his obsession with these idols forever change th...
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NEVER DID I THINK THE TIME WOULD COME...
where I have to look down at my younger brothers corpse at the morgue...
I don't recall much after I identified Geun's body. I left the room. Lea tried to comfort me. I told her I wanted to go back home. She took me to my dorm. And I sat in dark silence.
I didn't cry the entire time I was at the hospital, until I was alone in my apartment. Only then did I let myself scream and sob, nearly choking on my tears until I couldn't breathe anymore.
I'm sure I could be heard in the hallway. But I didn't care.
How did this happen? He was fine just two weeks ago. He was playing soccer and eating meat and running through the fields. How...How did he suddenly pass with no warning?
I think I cry for 3 hours straight, from 6 p.m. when I got home, until 9. There were times where I would cry so loud that I hurt my own ears. Times where I made no sound as I cried. Times where I just laid curled up on the floor quietly. And times where I punched the pillows on the couch or kicked the wall or threw pictures of Geun around.
I'm angry at him. How could he do this? He knew he was dying, he must've known. Why didn't he tell me ahead of time? What was he thinking?? How long was he suffering for?? If only...If only I knew...
My apartment is now a mess. I've thrown every book off my shelf, every picture frame onto the ground, yet something still stands out to me. The moonlight shining through my balcony window acts as a spotlight to it, it sitting pretty on the ground by the couch.
"..." I'm breathing heavy. My eyes are swollen and my face is most definitely red with fury. If now isn't the right time to open it,
then I don't know when is.
I drop to my knees and quickly grab the black envelope Geun gave me as a birthday gift. I rip it open and pull out a folded piece of lined paper, and the entire front page is filled with his handwriting. I already want to cry more, and I haven't even began reading.
I crawl to the couch, as my legs are weak and my arms are still sore. I wipe my eyes and push my hair off my damp forehead, taking deep breaths. Geun...I hope what you've written in this letter, will make me forgive you. Because right now, I despise you for leaving me with no final words.
Dear y/n, my beloved sister.
If you're reading this letter, it is most likely because I lost my final battle. Otherwise, STOP READING RIGHT NOW, Y/N! This isn't the right time!!!
...Did you stop reading? Have I died yet? Yes? Okay! You may proceed reading!!
I already know you're probably furious with me. You're assuming that I knew when I was going to pass away, correct? Well, you're right. I'm writing this all the way back in January, just a week after ENHYPEN invited you to work for them.
Last week, the nurses said I didn't have much longer to live. They said April or May would be my last month. They can't do anything to prevent it.
I hid this from you for a number of reasons. If I told you that I'd be leaving your side soon, you wouldn't leave mine until my final day. I didn't want to shackle you to my hospital bed, worrying day in and day out. Watching me suffer as I gasp for oxygen. Watching me cry when an IV was stuck in my arm. Watching me get my blood drawn. I didn't want you to see what the worst side of me would look like.
I want you to live your life care free, thinking I'm recovering well. If you stay here with me, because you want to spend my final moments together, then you would miss out on a number of opportunities. I don't want that.
I want you to do something for yourself.
You've done nothing but take care of me. You've endured so much, alone. I know you think I'm too young to help you, but I wished you leaned on me more. I wanted to lift the burden off your shoulders. Me being sick, makes me feel like I only made it heavier.
You've done a great job. Raising me on your own. Feeding me. Giving me a roof over my head. Paying any fee for me to get the best treatment. Now, you won't need to worry about me.
Please forgive me. I know we share everything with each other, but this is the one secret I have to keep from you.
I'll always admire you. You are my biggest idol. I love you so much. I hope you'll stay strong without me. Please stay optimistic. I'll be your guardian angel from above! Don't mourn me for too long. If you do, Ill come and haunt you and force you to be happy!
Live your life well.
You are my everything. I'll love you forever.
Sincerely,
Geun.
I stare at the letter, watching my tear drops fall onto it and stain the paper. I hear my door unlock, voices and footsteps flooding into my apartment.
"Is she okay!?" Julie yells, Jungwon and Jay running inside and meeting me at the couch.
They sigh of relief. "She's here!"
Julie sighs loudly. "Oh my god! I heard her go quiet and I thought something bad happened!"
I'm still looking down at the letter, when I see someone's feet in front of me. They bend down to me and place their hand on my leg. "...Y/n..."
It's Jake.
I don't say anything. I don't even move. I hear a few sniffles, probably a few of them crying from mourning Geun as well.
I feel someone place their hand on my shoulder from behind the couch. It's small, so it's probably Julie or Nari.
Heeseung and Sunghoon begin to clean the mess I made, placing books and pictures back on the shelves and counters.
They all just sit quietly with me for a moment, when Sunoo is suddenly crying near the entrance of my apartment.
They all face him. "Sunoo?" Sunghoon muttered.
"Y/n...I'm...I'm so sorry..." He whispers. I don't even move my head to look at him, and I don't react to what he's saying either.
"Sorry for what?" Jake asks, standing up.
"...I...I should've told you...I should've...But he begged me not to...He only ask that I look after you and not let you make any decisions you'd regret in the future!..."
My heart drops. My head suddenly creaks to the side, and I glare at Sunoo with furious eyes. "...What...are you...talking about?..."
He continues to whimper, wiping his eyes guiltily. "He said that you often think with your head rather than your heart, so he asked me to take his place and guide you...But he wouldn't let me tell you!"
"...What?" I hiss.
"Wait, Sunoo, are you saying..." Jungwon trails off.
"Did you...know Geun was going to pass away?" Nari mumbles.
It only takes a tiny nod of Sunoo's head for me to jump up from the couch and launch myself at him. Everyone starts to scream and yell, Niki holding me back by the waist and Julie grabbing one of my arms. Sunghoon and Jay block Sunoo, but they can't deflect my words with their barrier.
"YOU KNEW!!?? AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME!!??? WHY WOULDN'T YOU!??? I COULD'VE SAVED HIM!!???" I scream, spitting with anger.
"I'm sorry!!!" He whines, pushing past Jay to get closer to me.
I peel myself out of Niki's grasp, still yelling. "YOU KNEW! AND DIDN'T TELL ME!? MY OWN BROTHER WAS GOING TO DIE AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME!!???"
"He didn't want me to! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!!" He cries. I'm about to hit him out of rage, when he grabs my wrist and forces me to calm down. At some point I can't feel my knees anymore, so I slowly fall to the ground. Sunoo falls with me, and he's still sobbing. The others relax and watch from a far as my fit dies down.
"He...He told me to tell you to read the P.S...I assume you know what that means..." He mutters, slowly letting go of my wrists.
I choke. I look up at him, then to the letter I left on the couch. Jake follows my eyes, and quickly hands me the paper. I grab it, my eyes skimming the front page. I flip it over, and suddenly see a P.S. message left for me in the bottom left corner.
P.S.
I will tell one person about my presumed death date. Do not hate them. It's because I had to ask them for a favor.
I feel that that person will be best suited to keep you stable, in the same way I could help you. I will ask them not to tell you. Please, don't hate them. They couldn't do anything.
I only stare at it, before I slowly start to bawl my eyes out into the paper. I feel Sunoo hold me in his arms, and all I can do is melt into him.
Geun...
I wont ever forgive you for this.
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