My diary

Chapter 1.7

Sunday, march 4th 2021

19.00

My brother apologized in the morning and I still haven't accepted it, so he invited Naoufal to talk to him. It was bloody embarrassing because I came out of my room at 1pm annoyed and Naoufal stood awkwardly next to my brother smiling my way. I asked what he was doing here and my brother asked if we could talk.

I thought they didn't like each other?

I nodded and sat down in the kitchen with my brother in front of me and Naoufal next to him. He told me that Naoufal will be like a bodyguard to me because I don't need guidance but protection. As if? The last thing I need right now is a guardian, I'm surprised it's not Rachid. Back to the point about me getting even angrier at my brother and telling him I was about to forgive him (which I didn't) and he ruined it for himself.

Not before embarrassing Samira in front of Rachid

In addition, I told him to trust me more and he replied with a classic damn excuse, "I really, really trust you. I just don't trust them', so what? Because he doesn't trust anyone, I should walk around with a bodyguard like I'm fucking Taylor Swift (I wish) Marouane, could you kill this man?

I wish I could, but I am a very respected man in this community.

After all, why does he trust Naoufal? I'm so damn annoyed right now, can't he act normal for once? Once!? He then got mad at me and said he had a better idea. Something about his friend Berkay who was much better than Naoufal. In my opinion none of his friends are nice let alone a boy I don't know.

I don't think you love any human being.

I mean how does he come up with these ideas. Is he just walking around the house thinking to himself 'how can I make her life worse?' Because he's really annoying me right now. Naoufal started arguing with him that it was starting to look like some kind of bad idea. Kind of? Does this man know what that means? It means he won't be the only one escorting me to the "community center." It means we're literally going to have a damn camera with us all day long.

Well no, let's not overreact, in general he is still your brother.

And this bitch is gonna betray everything to my brother. "Have you lost your mind?!" I yelled in his face. 'Take it easy? You don't even know him. He'll be right here," he says calmly. 'Zakaria! I'm not walking around like a puppet with one of your friends' I said losing my temper. 'Oh, but walking around with Naoufal is quite normal, isn't it?' ' he says raising one of his eyebrows.

Like you have a choice?

'What? I'm fucking obligated to walk with him, but isn't it too much if my own brother tries to control me? Zakaria, what's the matter with you lately? Why are you acting so weird?' I ask, but this time my patience has already run out. I mean, I've tried my best to control myself, but he always finds a way to get on my nerves. "I know how you feel, but lately things have gotten out of hand. You have to be responsible and I know you feel like you have to be independent, but if something happens,

I will feel responsible for it even if it's out of my control. Things getting on the news and people keep talking about it. I mean I know you're old enough to handle specific things, but you will never be old enough to defend yourself against rapists, burglars, perverts etcetera. So please will you listen to me and just have Berkay by your side. I mean how bad could it be, you won't even notice him' he says taking a few breaks after every sentence.

He kind of has a point there.

I reacted as any teenager would, and personally I would give them the right to do so. I was just saying 'well thanks for your concern big brother, but I really don't give a damn if I noticed Berkay or not. I'd rather spend 24 hours in a room with Rachid than spend the rest of my life with one of your friends. The life you're trying to take from me!'

I wouldn't say that out loud if I were you, you never know. It could be the day Samira decides to spy on you.

"I'm not taking anything away from you! Do you want to know the truth? do you want that? Well, our parents are damn worried. They are so concerned; I had to put up with a speech where they talk about how afraid they are that you will harm yourself, do you see how bad that sounds?' he says, walking around the table like a dog. "Okay, let's not try to talk about such deep things now, especially with me around. Not that I think it's a problem, because I would help you if you tried to think about self-harm,

He shouldn't have said that, he shouldn't have said that, he shouldn't have said that...

but because I'm sure you don't want me around when you talk about such sensitive subjects. So let's think about her feelings, you can't just decide what is and isn't best for her. She has to decide that for herself' Naoufal adds to the subject. I'm definitely going to kill Zakaria once I figure out a way to make it look like suicide. The last thing I would do is hurt myself, I would most likely hurt everyone but myself.

Let's not do that either.

When we hear knocking I walk to the kitchen to make a bowl of cereal. The door opens and some kind of cute boy enters. I mean, he's got the dimples, but I know it's time for Zakaria to embarrass the hell out of me. Zakaria smiles my way and says 'this is Berkay. Berkay, this is Muberra, the girl I told you about." Like I said, murder. I've seen a lot of documentaries and I can definitely get away with murder.

Again, let's not do that.

Especially since it's my own brother, no one would suspect me. They would think I am depressed little Muberra, who is even more depressed by the sudden death of her older brother Zakaria. When something like death approaches your family, in a civilized family they would never suspect a member. Even if it was your father's cousin ;)

Let's stop talking about murder now, shall we.

-

Dear Muberra,

I know it sounds like I'm siding with your brother, but he has some points there. Your family is worried and your brother just wants the best for you. I mean, I know you might want to have freedom and live in peace, but he wouldn't let you go through all that if it wasn't for yourself. So try it out, and if it gets out of hand, I'll be there to put it in its place. by that I mean putting Zakaria, Rachid and Samira in their place.