Step Aside Shakespeare

I

They hath found us in barrels side by side,

broken chains rusting in the ocean breeze.

Their wicked eyes and tar grins didst stretch wide,

taunting Fate liketh infectious disease.

O lacking luck! Thee hath found shark bait, lads!

The waters cry out in painful sorrow,

flooding our lungs as we art split in halves.

Thy life hath lost as I glimpse tomorrow.

A thousand needles pricketh me with teen

as mine own mangled corse reformed grotesque.

We'll seeth which of us is obscene after

I've torn thee to shreds on yond writing desk.

Heave to, men! Grabeth the damned oars! Hie, flee!

O'er the side! Row before she catches thee!