When We Crossed Paths

Chapter Eight: What Are You Looking For?

A week had went by since the confession/breakdown with Shizuka. I still felt a little awkward about it. It was weird that someone knew I was gay. Wasn't sure whether that was a good feeling or not. There was a bit of conflicting feelings in my head about it. It was a huge relief and I felt a massive weight had been lifted, but, at the same time, it was also scary that someone knew my secret. One false move and I could be outed.

Of course, I didn't want to think that way. I was sure I could trust Shizuka. She was too sweet to do anything so nasty. I hoped.

Still didn't fix my predicament, however. The only consolation was that I had someone to talk to about it. We would text frequently. Shizuka was a good ear. She completely understood how I felt (personal experience I suppose). I of course didn't want to lean on her too much. It wouldn't be fair constantly dumping my depressing feelings on her. It would be a heavy burden and it was my own cross to bear.

No one else's.

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"See you tomorrow, guys!" I shouted at my teammates as I was leaving the gym hall. The sun was already at the horizon level, the sky was a beautiful shade of orange and the day was slowly becoming night. It had been another exhausting training session, but I still loved it. I had gotten into a really good rapport with my team, so, there was no doubt that we'd work great together. Our aim was the summer championships. Extremely difficult. All the best teams would be there.

As I walked towards the front gate, I could see a silhouette standing there patiently. I already knew who it was.

It was sad. If he was my boyfriend, then this would've been romantic. My boyfriend waiting for me by the gate before walking home together. How I longed that to be.

"Hey Yamashita!" Nishimura greeted with a smile. "Good session?"

I nodded in confirmation.

"You OK?" He asked.

"Yeah, of course. Let's go!" I quirked.

"Yamashita-kuuuuuuun!" yelled a voice in the distance.

"Who's calling you!?" Nishimura chuckled.

Now, I definitely didn't need any hints as to who that was. As I turned round, I could see Shizuka lightly run towards us. Normally I'd be quite happy to see her, however, she was intruding on my time with Nishimura, and I take every second with him quite seriously.

"Hey, Shizuka." I said in a slightly droned tone.

"How was practice?" She asked.

"It was good. How was art club?" I replied. Short and snappy responses was my plan.

"Boring! Couldn't get away fast enough!" She joked. Her expression suddenly went serious as she began immediately inspecting the figure standing next to me. "So... You're the famous Nishimura?"

"I'm famous?" Nishimura replied with a sly smile.

"Oh yeah! Yamashita has told me all about you." She responded as she investigated the tall specimen standing before her.

She knew exactly what she was doing. She was baiting me. Trying to get me to react. It was probably one of the most difficult moments for me. Not the most difficult. Top 3 though!

"Well, I hope it was good things that he said about me!" Nishimura replied, winking at me.

I had to use all my energy not to turn a bright shade of red.

"Oh don't worry. It was all good!" Shizuka said with a cheeky smirk. "Well, I'll leave you guys to it. Enjoy your walk. It was nice to meet you, Nishimura. Text me later, Yamashita-kun!"

And like a whirlwind, she sped off. Leaving nothing but damage in her wake.

"So...how do you know her?" Nishimura quickly asked.

"We're in homeroom and a couple of classes together and we also went to the same middle school." I answered.

"Is there...something there between you two?" He asked snoopingly.

"NO!" I exclaimed. "No no no!"

"Really?" Nishimura responded a little shocked. "She's so pretty and seems a lot of fun."

"She is...but, not what I'm looking for. We're just friends." I replied, hoping to draw a line.

"Oh...OK..." Nishimura replied.

We then started our walk home. It was a little silent. Perhaps a little awkward. I knew she meant no harm, but I still felt a little hurt. She is very pretty and... I don't know. I guess I was fearful that he would end up having a crush on her. I mean... Why not? He's handsome, she's pretty, both straight. They would make a cute couple. But... I wanted us to be the cute couple.

"Yamashita?" He asked interrupting my train of thought.

"Yeah?" I replied.

"If you don't mind me asking...what are you looking for? In that area?" He asked looking right at me. I was really nervous. Frightened even. I knew this kind of conversation would've came up eventually but, it still didn't mean I was prepared for it. What was I to say?

"You! You are who I'm looking for! I've been in love with you for the past three years, probably even longer than that. I was too scared to tell you because I didn't know how you'd react and..."

REWIND!

Who was I kidding? There was no way I was gonna say that!

As what seemed to be my defence mechanism, I stuttered and bluffed my way through it:

"I...uhm...I'm not...I'm not really sure. I've just never thought about it"

"Really?" He asked surprised.

"Why?" I asked.

"No reason. I was just a little curious. I mean...you're a good looking guy and you can certainly get whoever you want." He replied looking straight ahead.

It actually took me a moment to hone in on his specific wording:

"you're a good looking guy...get whoever you want..."

My stomach started to fill with butterflies. He had never complimented me like that before. I found it quite difficult not to smile. I stopped walking causing a little bit of a distance to emerge before he realised. He turned to look at me:

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"You...think I'm good looking?"

"Well..." He blustered, looking away to hide his red face. "...yeah. I mean...you are a good looking guy. You could certainly get the girls...if...if that's what you wanted of course. That Shizuka is very pretty and you'd certainly make a cute couple..."

If he had stopped a couple of sentences earlier, I would probably have been stupid enough to think more than what was said. Him calling me good looking would've probably been enough to keep me hooked in or to even have hope. I was slightly saddened but I knew instantly that it was for the best. No point in thinking more than what it was. It would save pain later. However...I couldn't help but feel that perhaps...in some alternate universe...he was jealous...

"You coming?" He interrupted.

"Yeah! Coming..."