In A Year (BL)

familiarity

Cornelius Galileo.

D-145

Who in the world would love such an old school name? Cornelius Galileo? I could spent my day ranting about how my parents end up naming me after a person from the Bible and an astrologist. But I don't hate it, at least not to that extent.

Familiar faces were smiling at me as I walk the hallway, wearing the uniform my father just bought from the school. I've been here for four years. Maybe deciding to come back wasn't the best the idea but this is what I wanted.

I heaved a sigh. It's been a year since I came here. It was pretty rough when I left and everything was just so messy to start with. I left after my moving up ceremony without leaving any words like I just disappear, gone to no one knows where.

"Cornelius?" Her auburn hair was her most prominent feature and that eye smile everyone just love.

I was stunned to react but she hugged me tightly. Oh God knows how much I miss her but I feel bad. "Raven." That was the first word that came out from me and I am tearing up. "I miss you." Who wouldn't miss such an angel?

She caressed my back."I miss you more, Leo." I hugged her tightly. She has been a good friend to me, my one call away chika bestie.

The drama didn't take long. Mr. Palma came in and the class officially started. I was introduced as a transferee from New Ford School. Standing in the middle brings much nostalgia but deep down, my mind was searching for someone. Someone closest to my heart, someone dear to me.

I smiled as I saw him. The familiar feeling I feel, the familiar skipping of my heart, the butterflies. He's there! Sitting meters away from me with his black hair pushed back, his eyeglass shining as the sun hits it, wearing the familiar black hoodie and blank expression. It's him.

"Do you have anything to add?" I was snapped back from my little daydream.

I look again at him. "This is the last year that we'll be seeing each other. Let's enjoy this and be the best moment we could all look back." All of them smiled except for him.

I was distracted after our philosophy instructor rearranged our assigned seats. He was just one chair away from me. I can't help but to look at him. God, those pointy nose, curvy lips, a sculpture sculpted by the best sculptor. Man, I could stare at him the whole day and still be in awe but I can't do that. Im a creep.

The day ended and I was on my way to clear out my things on the locker when someone asked me. "What do you want?" It's him. I don't know if he's mad or something.

"Nothing?" I smiled awkwardly. The atmosphere is awfully awkward. But the awkwardness is familiar to the sense that it didn't feel uncomfortable.

"Then stop staring." I was stunned, again. Yeah, he probably thinks I am a weirdo. And I am, truthfully.

He walked away and I was just staring at his back. Lot of things have changed. "Sebastian." I called but he never looked back. I went back arranging the things in my locker when a photo dropped from my old notebooks.

I stared at it and read the words written in the back. "Always with you —Ross." Some of the ink faded and was clearly written by a kid. The familiar handwriting, the familiar smile in the photo, everything is familiar when it comes to you Sebastian Ross Berman. You are familiar to me but I don't know who you are anymore.

Before umuwi ng bahay ay dumaan muna ako sa church para magtirik ng kandila. Pang-isang daan apatnapu't limang araw ko na itong ginagawa. Nakakatawa lang na halos hindi ako umaapak sa simbahan noon. Maybe people don't change out of nowhere, situations change them.

The house was gloomy the moment I stepped in. Dad's eyes were worried and my brother, Amadeus, looks tired.

"How was your day?" Dad tried to smile but that didn't hide the sadness on his face. I smiled. "It's great, actually! Everything is awesomely normal." I can't keep on worrying him.

Amadeus stood up. "Kuya Leo, you should just rest. Going back and pretending that everything's normal and okay doesn't change the fact that your—" He stopped on his words. Nawala ang ngiting kanina pa nakapaskil sa mukha ko.

Whenever you choose to live in your fantasy, reality will always knock you off to make you come to your senses. And Amadeus was just hurt, I understand him. Kahit ano namang tago natin sa katotohanan, hindi pa rin niyon nababago ang sitwasyon.

And I am just scared. Of the future. Of what would happen to me. I just wanted to live.

Lumapit ako kay Amadeus and hugged him because that's what he deserve. Dad joined too. And my rebellious tears flowed. "I love you both." 

That night, we spend our time on the rooftop with Dad on his ugly pajamas and his wine. Amadeus brought us foods and blankets. Dad was telling stories about how he and mom met, his vacation plans which includes Boracay, Cebu and Baguio, to spend a lot of time with us.

"So Leo, tell me. Are you still in touch with the friend you brought here?" Dad asked.

"Si Sebastian ba, Dad?" Amadeus interrupted and look at me with those teasing look.

"Yes. The only friend you brought in the house." Dad raised his brows, teasing.

"Bat ganyan kayo makatingin? Parang di niyo naman kilala si Sebs!" I sound defensive, yes.

"Luh! Sebs daw oh!" Panunukso pa uli ni Amadeus na agad ko namang kinurot sa tagiliran.

"Serious question, anak. Okay pa ba kayo ni Sebastian?" It took me time to answer Dad's question and they already got the idea. They know me too well.

"Well, it's up to you kung gusto mo bang hindi kayo nagpapansinan at kalimutan ang pagkakaibigan niyo noon." Dad patted my shoulders.

"We grow. Maybe our friendship wasn't made to last. We just both needed someone at those moments." I heaved a sigh.

"What are your plans, Leo?"

Dad's question was still on my head. What are my plans. What am I gonna do. I rummaged to my journals which I use to write during my days on that building and found that blank journal I intended not to write kasi sobrang ganda ng cover.

After almost an hour of scribbling and writing, I stared at the written words and a familiar kind of pain pinches me.

Plans for this year:

1. Drive around town with Dad and Amadeus and visit Mom.
2. Reconcile with Sebastian.
3. Get overdressed for a fastfood restaurant.
4. Go beach camping with friends.
5. Watch city lights at night and watch the sunrise.
6. Go on a church date.
7. Ride a train.
8.
9.
10.

Seven isn't a bad number after all. I just left some space for Baka kai may maisip pa akong plans along the way.

I arranged all the things I keep in the box. Those were random things I use to enjoy during my stay in that building. The headphones, mp3, cassette tapes, stickers, polaroids and some sd card were there. I went across a polaroid. It was my 17th birthday, people in white uniforms planned on throwing a little party for me, of course Dad was there and also Amadeus. I keep staring at it. I was really in a bad shape. And that was day were everything collapsed, my world, my hope was gone.

Another familiar pain stung me and it hurts more than I could tolerate.

I just want to feel familiarity and not to know what is really going on. In that way, it wouldn't be hard for me to let go.