Mae Shelby

01

1919

It's been four months since my elder brothers got back from the war and they've changed.

Ada and Aunt Pol said they'd be different but I didn't realise just how different they would be.

Arthur says the voices in his head are overwhelming. And John has so many kids (only four but still). He's changed. Not the same.

Tommy is closed off, doesn't talk much. He doesn't ask for hugs but I know he needs them. They all have nightmares, sometimes they wake up screaming and Ada would run to their rooms. She'd tell Finn and me to stay in bed whilst she handled it.

I felt bad for them.

I was currently eating toast in the kitchen. I ate silently as I tapped my fingers against the table. I looked around the room and a cold air flew through and I shivered.

"Ten minutes." Finn said from beside me, eating the same thing as me. We were both now ten years old.

"Alright," I finished then got up to say bye to Polly. "Meet you back here in ten." He nodded.

Once I reached the betting den, I sped over to her. She sat on a chair, counting money.

"See you later, Polly." I hugged her from behind. My arms snook around her shoulders and clasped together at the base of her neck. My fingers then tapped a rhythm on her collar bone.

"Don't be home late, Mae." She gently removed my hands from around her neck and patted them thoughtfully. Poll spared me a glance as well.

I sighed. I knew what she meant. After school, before the war ended, I'd stay out for a little while. Even though I was hopelessly nine, I was quite mischievous when I wanted to be. And now, still. I can't help it though, it's as if some impulse comes over me and I automatically give in.

"Yeah." I skipped back to Finn.

-

We made it to school on time but I didn't want to be punctual. I preferred being a little tardy and imperfect. I didn't want to be like the chavy girls in school. Or the nerdy ones for that matter but I'll admit, I am a bit smart.

Smarter than Finn.

Finn is dumb, so is John, but they're both my best friends.

The bell rung and me and my brother ran to hide in the bathrooms. No one ever came into these specific ones because they were really dirty and hidden in a corner of the school.

He brought out the cigarette we stole, as well as some matches. A burst of adrenaline spiraled through me seeing the cigarette.

"You know Poll will have our heads when she finds out about this." He said weary of our next actions.

I shrugged, "If she finds out, plus who cares? You only live once and everyone does it." I took it from his hand, fitting it between my lips like Tommy does and snatched the matches too.

I brought the lit match to the other end of the cigarette, lighting it. I swiftly shook the flame out after.

I leaned back against the wall, taking a long drag and exhaling. I looked over towards my twin, his face showing a look of jealousy. I could tell he wanted to try.

"Give it here," he plucked it from my fingers, copying what I did seconds before.

I smirked at his expression, his mood brightening instantly. "Relaxing, right?" I nudged him. The feeling it gave me eased my racing thoughts.

He looked at me, "Oh yes." I giggled slightly. He wasn't lying, it was very calming. The nicotine entering your lungs, encasing your nerves and making your problems disappear without a second thought; it gave peace of mind.