I walked out of my room and heard Chris begging for something behind Kyungsoo and Suho's door. I also heard Chanyeol scream at them from his, Lay, and Xiumin's room to shut up. Out of curiosity and jealousy I leaned against the door and listened carefully.
"Please! I need to talk to Jimin it's really important and I don't have a car yet." Chris sounded like she was on the verge of tears. .
"I will not take part in hurting anyone; especially Sehun."
Why does she have to beg Suho and why didn't she just ask me.
"I asked you in private so he didn't get hurt or jealous about me going to talk to him."
"Why? So you could continue to hurt him by flirting."
Chris started to choke up and she sounded very frustrated.
"I came to a totally different country that is a totally different ethnic background than mine. Not only that, but you and all the boys are the only real friends I actually have. I don't think that guy at the tea shop counts, because he has to be nice to me. Why would I want to ruin that by going out with my closest friend and then toying with him knowing it was hurting him."
There was a pause.
"Okay, I'm sorry. I don't know why I would even think that."
"I can't believe you would- never mind. I just don't want to ruin my friendship with Sehun. I don't know how I feel about him, but I had romantic feelings for Jimin first so I don't know why I'm confused."
My heart shattered into million pieces. I didn't want to hear it anymore so I went into the living room, moved the couch over, and practiced everything I've learned. I danced and the whole time I danced I kept thinking about her and I couldn't get her out of my head. I thought about when she taught us each dance and how I reacted when she showed us the choreography for Wolf. I thought about how difficult we made it seem and how easy she made it for us. It hurt just thinking about her and I couldn't stand it anymore. I wanted her in my life, but I just couldn't have her in my life the way I wanted her.
I just wish everything went my way. I wish she was mine. I wish I could kiss her lips, and love her without making things awkward. I wanted it to be normal to love her. I wanted to breakdown the border between us I wanted to get out of the friend-zone. I wanted to show her how I felt and I couldn't; I would never be able to. I didn't just want these things, I needed them. I needed them now.
I left the house for a quick jog in my shorts and sweatshirt to burn off the anger but it didn't work. I kept thinking about her. I couldn't focus on my legs moving or my speed, I ran blindly and let my thoughts about that precious Flower carry me. It started to rain again as Suho honked and drove past me. I knew exactly where he was going and who he was going there with. Why did she have to meet Park Jimin of all people? I pushed away the thought and ran harder.
After an hour and a half of running and sulking, I came inside to check out Xiumin's new idea for his dance solo with Kai and Tao. I was upset and it must of shown on my face because Xiumin thought I was disgusted.
"Are you sure this is okay?" Xiumin was very unsure and clearly the most confused person in the room.
"It's great! The ladies will love it!" Lay said slyly.
I smiled and nodded my head in agreement, but it still wasn't enough for Xiumin. I didn't talk much on a regular basis anyway so I didn't see how he could tell that there was anything was wrong. On the outside I was trying my hardest to be regular every day Sehun. In reality my whole world was flipped upside down.
Suho entered the apartment first with shopping bags in his hands and a tub full of mint chocolate ice cream (Chris's favorite, meaning she was probably upset).
"Where were you?" I knew exactly where the were, but I wanted to know if he was going to lie to me.
"Me?" he said as if there was someone behind him I may have been talking to.
"I was with Chris buying...um," he stared down at his hands unsure. "Groceries! For Chrysanthemum. She's moving soon and didn't think she'd have time to go shopping when she moved in."
That was officially the worst lie I've ever heard. He did have a lot of groceries in his hands, but it didn't take that long to shop.
"Where's Chris then?"
As soon as those words came out of my mouth she walked in. The hoodie Lay gave her and her sweat pants were soaking wet and tightly hugging her skin. She looked miserable as she walked in and greeted us all. She walked to the laundry room to get her clean her clothes and change, and disappeared behind the door.
. . .
Chrysanthemum's were delicate and very sensitive. They were hard to grow, but when they did, they bloomed beautifully with bright and wonderful colors. Chrysanthemum was just like what she was named after. She was very sensitive and easily hurt, but when she is taken care of and treated the right way she shows her true colors and becomes expressive. She becomes happy and it shows in everything she does and nothing can tamper it. I wanted to be the one to make her happy and sprout and grow into a beautiful flower.
I waited an hour for her to walk out of the room. As soon as she closed the door behind her I dragged her into the nearest room; the bathroom. I heard Suho curse behind me and ignored his over-protectiveness. I was pissed at Suho for lying, jealous of Jimin, and desperate for her love. I guess it showed on my face because Chris looked absolutely terrified.
Words began to spew out of my mouth and I knew I was gonna regret every single one of them later.
"Since you left I had been madly in love with you and I think I still am. I tried so hard to be your friend and it wasn't working. I treated you like my girlfriend and you played it off as nothing which made me try harder. It wasn't until I saw the way you looked into my eyes that I thought I actually had a chance. I tried so hard even knowing that you and Jimin were seeing each other. I tried so hard to push it away that I forced my self to think it wasn't really that serious.
"This morning I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but I overheard you begging Suho for a ride to see Jimin. You wanted to see him so bad and you talked about your 'romantic' feelings for him and how you had them for him first. You also said I was your 'closest friend' and you didn't want to 'ruin our relationship'. I thought about it and I don't either, but that doesn't mean I don't still love you the same way as before."
Chris just looked at me even more morosely than before. Even though she was upset, stupid me couldn't resist her lips, and stupid me wanted to feel her lips against mine. Stupid me leaned in and kissed her. She was stiff the whole time and then I felt awkward. We stood there until she answered.
"Sehun you didn't hear everything I said." she looked down at her toes and began to blush. "I said 'I don't know how I feel about him, but I had romantic feelings for Jimin first so I don't know why I'm confused, about who I love more.' I started to feel for you Sehun when I realize my home wasn't America or Korea, just the people I care most about. That was when you picked me up. Then you started treating me so special all of a sudden and we got closer as friends but it became a relationship closer than friends. It was slightly romantic and I loved it a lot.
"The only problem was that I was really falling hard for Jimin, but I was also feeling strongly for you. Jimin would show me his love through his words and constant concern for me. Sehun, your love was shown through actions. I love you both clearly, but I can't do both at the same time for much longer. I want to get to get to know Jimin better before he leaves on tour, and that will decide whether I stay with him and wait for him to come back or move on."
"So does that mean we leave this bathroom as nothing more than friends?" I said very sheepishly.
Flower giggled and nodded. "Yes, until I can fully make up my mind."
I reached for the doorknob and was stopped by a small hand on my elbow.
"Sehun, one more thing."
"I'm all ears."
Looked at me and smiled. "I found an apartment, I felt really bad for hogging your apartment for so long. I don't know when I'm moving out but as soon as I possibly can. It's a big place so you and the boys can come over anytime."
I wasn't upset, but I knew I was going tot miss her when she left. "Sounds great!" I lied.
We both left the bathroom with less tension receiving strange looks from Lay, Tao, Suho, and Xiumin.
"What were you guys doing in the bathroom alone for so long?" Tao's expression was a mixture of being disgusted, scared, and curious.
I burst out laughing which brought smiles to everyone's face due to my previous gloomy state.
"Nothing," I said. "We were just having a private adult conversation.'
Tao didn't look like he bought it, but I didn't care. I was surprisingly happy we were just friends. At least I knew how she felt and that even if I don't have a chance with her, she'll always feel the same way I fell about her.
When all the boys decided to crawl out of their rooms and off the couch we gathered for dinner. Chris joined us later after making up secret choreography for Shinee. We ate and laughed as Chris smiled timidly between Chen and Baekhyun. To be more politically correct we all ate besides Chris who just pushed her food around. Chen and Baekhyun noticed and began to try and shove noodles in her mouth but they ended up all over her face.
It got really quiet when when Chen stuck one up her nostril. She gave him the meanest look and was about to say something, but instead she laughed uncontrollably. We all laughed with her and she cleaned up her face and began to eat and get into the conversation with us. The Flower bloomed and had finally shown her beautiful bright and vibrant colors.
After dinner everyone got ready for bed including Chris who took her spot on the couch. I walked up to her to say goodnight and saw her already deep in sleep. She looked very uncomfortable, but I let her sleep there. I respected her and her relationship with Jimin. If making her happy met avoiding any romantic relationship, I'd do it especially for my delicate Flower.
. . .
The next morning I woke up to a lot of chaos and noise. Kai was out of bed and the door was wide open. I got up and walked into the kitchen to find all the boys out and about. Everyone was talking and saying everything that came to their mind. There was so much noise that I couldn't pick up any words from any conversation. I walked up to Kyungsoo who was the only quiet one in the room. He was walking in a circle scratching his head an clearly thinking hard. I had to tap him and yell in his ear three times to get his attention.
"Why is everyone freaking out?"
He looked at me and shook his head.
"Chris is gone. Suho called the auto dealer. He said she walked there and left the opposite way from home. SM Entertainment is closed and no one who works there has seen her. Where would she go?"
Kyungsoo said all of this staring at the floor in his thinking voice. Though he may have been talking to himself, he answered my question and I knew exactly where she was. Not exactly but I had a very educated guess that Jimin had the address.
