I am running away from my childhood home. You may be wondering why? And from who?
well...
This is a story about Natalia who has missed 10 years of her life in a basement in her house. When she ran away she found herself in a library, but little do...
"Give me my blade" I stretched out my hand towards Max.
Max looked at me confused. Almost like he was trying to process if he heard me right, so I asked him again.
"Give me that fucking blade Max"
"Ehm... are you sure"
"MAX", I shouted loudly, not wanting to discuss this any further.
Max gave in and with a nod he turned on his heel and walked out of the basement heading straight to the room where we keep all the torture equipment. Stuff that I usually never use because I like to torture my prisoners in other ways. To make them suffer before they die.
These are my favorites.
Drowning them, keeping them in a cold cell until they freeze to death or I'll burn them alive. Or my personal favorite cutting their fingers one at a time. But this time I wanted him dead as fast as possible, I wasn't in a mood to handle this right now.
The only thing on my mind right now is Talia. The only thing I want to do right now is to go back home and see Talia. My Talia.
Max came back in with two 10 inch blades in his hand. He gave me the blades and I grabbed them and swung them a little around my fingers to get the feel and weight of them. The last time I used these blades I was 12. I will never forget the day I turned 12 years old when my father told me it was time. The first time to kill. I knew from a young age that one day I will be killing someone I have seen my father do so many times. But I never wanted to be like my father. But I didn't have a choice.
I looked right through him with my eyes that were filled with desire to kill. I bent down to his level on the chair and I held one blade around Jake's throat. He has worked for me for the past few months and I just got to know that he has been taking fucking information from my mafia giving them to my mafias enemies. And he stole bags full of money, about 100 fucking million dollars.
"Tell me where all the bags are right now, or I will take this blade and slit it through your throat you piece of shit", I spat out the whole sentence in his face.
"Please boss it wasn't me, please don't kill me", he said with a pleading voice.
"Stop denying it, tell me now or I swear to god I will kill you right now".
I waited a minute for him to talk. He slightly opened his mouth to say something only to close his mouth back shut.
I don't have time for this bullshit, I thought to myself.
I started to push the blade into his throat, only to be stopped by his voice. I stood up looking down at him waiting for him to say something.
"There in the woods" he said while trying to get some air into his system.
"Where in the woods, you expect me to go around and search, tell me exactly where"
He took another breath trying to calm himself down to speak again. "The bags are behind the safe rooms you have out there"
I took a step towards him and I pushed the blade in his throat, cutting deeper and deeper in. He gagged for air and blood was seeping out of his mouth and throat. I hesitated for the first time in my life. But got back to pushing the blade further in. I controlled my mind and focused and with a swing of my arm I cut through his throat. His head bent down and his throat was still bleeding out. The life out of him vanished like a heartbeat. I tossed the blade to the floor taking a step back. I felt my chest hurt. Like someone was stepping on my lungs seeping the life out of them. I tried to take a deep breath to control myself.
What was fucking happening to me?
I looked around me and everything was going black and white I couldn't see straight. My heart was pounding like never before. I started walking out of the basement, my whole body swinging like a swing trying to balance on my own two feet.
I walked past security that was standing outside the door of the basement. I headed straight to the long corridors that led to my office. With an unbalanced body I still got to my office and I opened the door and closed it behind me with my foot. I started walking to my office chair but lost control and fell down on my knees.
With a loud ouch that escaped my lips before I could think, I sat down on the floor gasping for air.
I knew exactly what was happening to me now. Just the thought of it made me sick to my stomach. I didn't think they would come back again. The panic attacks I have been having my whole life. The constant fear of having them all the time hit me in the back like a sharp knife.
Why now after 3 years of not having them?
I took off my tie with sweat dripping from my face and all kinds of parts of my body. I took a deep breath just like my mother taught me to take when I was mad or frustrated. And even when I was having a panic attack.
My whole life my mom has been by my side. Every time I had been woken up in the middle of the night from my panic attacks, seeping for air with a pounding heart . She was beside me. Even when she was angry at me. And even when I treated her like shit as a teenager. She was always beside me like an angel. Looking after me like a little kid scared to get hurt.
She was my protector, and she will always be my protector. Even if she's gone.
Missing my mother at this moment and at the same time having a panic attack hurts even more than a dagger digging into my heart. The feeling of loneliness and betrayal hit me back like a spoon full of mud.
I missed her long hugs after every panic attack. The hugs that would last so long that my whole body would feel numb after. She held me so tight to her chest calming me down. Telling me it was okay. That it would be over soon. Just her voice made me feel safe and protected from all my thoughts and problems.
I would do anything and give up everything I have to go back in time to save her and protect her, just the way she saved me and protected me until her last breath on this earth.
I will never forgive myself for not being able to save her. Never.
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So guys... this chapter was really hard to write. It made me so sad and I felt sorry for Enzo.
And of course at the same time I was writing this chapter I was listening to sad music. It made me even more emotional.
I really hope you are liking my story so far. And sorry for the long wait.
Let me know if I have some grammar mistakes. I intend to do a lot of those. <3
