Fucked up| Dreamnapnotfound

After

We sit in the car, Nick seems to be thinking, letting things mull over while I dress myself.

"I don't know" he says.

"Hm?" I look up at him.

"I don't know if I want to do it again. I mean I liked it but not enough to want to do it"

"That's your decision, I'm simply here to serve you, master" I bow down to him and he pushes my head.

He goes silent again then looks at me, wiping some blood from his lip,"was I good?" He blushes from embarrassment and I smile.

"Yeah, you actually were. Especially for your first and possibly only time, and you only threw up once"

He blushes even darker and I laugh,"I'm just being a prick, it was out the window so it's not our problem anymore"

My mind wanders to moments before, I thought it would be more awkward but he was loud.

Even though he's saying it was a bit weird, he was louder then anyone I've ever slept with.

"I don't get why you have to be fully nude though"

"You don't have to be, it's preference really, I just naturally do that"

"Oh"

"Why? Is something wrong?"

"I don't know- I just felt a little self conscious all the time"

"What? Why?"

"You know... because I'm like...-

Fat"

My heart drops as he looks up at me.

"You aren't though? You're literally gorgeous and I would kill to look like you. I wish you could see yourself how I see you"

"I don't know if I want to" he chuckles.

"I got bullied for being feminine in Britain, it's normal there to be all male and football and banging girls in the school bathrooms,

I know I'm with Clay but I'm really not into super jacked guys with oiled muscles and size 18 feet. I like him because he cares and I feel safe around him. Like I do with you, I feel safe around you"

We kiss and he grabs my shirt, pulling me downwards and closer to him.

"Jeez- you want round two or something?"

He smacks my face playfully and kisses me again.

"But I have one question"

"Shoot"

"Why did you tell me you were clean if you weren't?"
———
/NICK/
Clay is in my room when I get home, sitting on my bed and petting the neighbours cat.

"Oh my god Nick you scared me! Why didn't you pick up the phone or answer any of my messages?"

"What messages? My phone didn't ring or get any notifications"

"I thought something had happened"

"Something did happen and I don't know how to feel about it"

"What? Are you hurt?"

"No... it's a long story though" I don't know if I should tell him anymore.

"I have all day" he pushes me and I sit down next to him, his hand coming down to rest on my thigh.

"I lost my virginity" his mouth falls open.

"I thought you were- aren't you asexual?"

"I just kinda wanted to know what it was like... and George-"

"George?!"

I nod and blush.

"Did he hurt you? Or do anything that made you uncomfortable during it?"

"No... what do you mean?"

"You know he's a masochist? He doesn't fucking hold back, were you top or bottom?"

"Yeah I know- and bottom"

"Jesus; did he rearrange your guts?"

"No- he was careful and he listened to me"

Clay smiles at that and bites his nail,"trust George to fucking kill me and love you"

"Why? What's the worst he's done"

"Uhm- once he wanted me to burn him with a cigarette, and he drank hot candle wax. He's really kinky honestly, some times he asks me to do things that I just won't, like scary shit"

"Well shit"

"This motherfucker tried to get me rip out his nipple piercings, I didn't but the fact he was willing to do that- I had to stop after that, have a breather you know?"

"He was nothing like that with me"
———

Dinner is mostly silence while we all tuck in, Clay joined us and Andy won't stop staring us. Clays hand is on my thigh again, I think it's habit of him now. It does sting a little, what with the cuts almost healed but not quite yet.

I don't really eat much so I spend most of my time picking at my food and looking a Clays hands.

I move my fork into my left hand and hold Clays hand with my right.

My parents haven't said anything about me disappearing but I'm guessing that's because clay is here and the second he leaves they'll blow up on me.

My dad excuses himself from the table and walks off to do some work so Andy excuses himself too, watching Clay and I eat.

"Where did you go?" My mother asks, putting down her cutlery. She looks happy but her tone isn't.

"I don't know... drove around the whole time"

"Who was with you" she narrows her eyes.

"You don't have to know that" I don't want her to hate George.

"Tell me"

"No"

I drop my cutlery and take my hand away from Clays, standing up and signalling Clay to come too.

He nods a thank you and follows me upstairs.

"I really don't want her to think George is a bad guy"

He doesn't say anything.

"Because George is amazing and he makes me happy and as far as I'm concerned he makes you happy"

"Do you want to date George?"

I remember.

"Shit Clay I forgot. I- we had a chat and George said that he's made it pretty clear he wants to date both of us and I want that too and we just wanted you to confirm- do you think we could work? Are you okay with that? Is this too much?"

I'm stressing and Clay knows.

"I think we should talk about it in person, with George. But yeah. I think we could"

We kiss.
———