POPSTAR (BEING REVAMPED)

Chapter 25

"You haven't answered any of his calls since then?" Caroline asks, I'm grateful she's risking her good reputation and what my mother thinks of her to show up at my house in the middle of my grounding, but I also need her the most in my life right now.

I shake my head and let her watch as I sit next to her, my face still in my hands and now the more questions she throws at me, I find myself lifting up my legs, and laying my arms and head onto my uplifted knees.

"I'm a pedophile," I tell her and she snorts before I give her a quick glare and bury my head back into my arms.

"No you're not, he's sixteen, so what? It's not a big deal, College girls do date, high school boys, sometimes, it happens," she explains and I sniffle.

"I really like Jayden I even let him--oh god, he's too young for me, and I'm not the one to be dating guys three years younger than me, you know that that's just--I mean what does he even have figured out by now?"

"Maria," Caroline says, her tone fused with strength as her soft arms lift me to look at her.

"Have you ever felt this way before?" She asks and I shake my head, not wanting to put my head up to look at her.

"Does he make you feel the way you deserve to feel?" she asks and I nod again.

"So then what's the problem?" she asks softly, her tone like honey, making me feel for just a split second like there's nothing wrong but there is, there's too much wrong.

"I can't date someone underage, someone, not even legal yet. I mean he can't even have a sip of alcohol for another few years while I'm already able to get pass out drunk,"

"Not Legally," Caroline presses, and I glare at her before burying my head back into my hands.

"You know what I mean," I murmur angrily.

"Look, if you don't want to date him, you don't have to, and that's fine. It's your choice, Maria." Caroline says finally but it's still not what I want to hear. I don't know what I want to hear.

I know that it should be that simple, but it just isn't.

"Thanks, Caroline," I tell her sarcastically and we both laugh but I still don't feel like I know what I'm going to do.

"Can your sleepover?" I ask and she looks at me with confusion in her eyes, "Arent' you supposed to be like, you know . . . grounded?" she asks and I smile, "she won't bother coming in here, plus it's locked. That's a part of the punishment," I explain, and Caroline nods before we turn off the lights and jump into bed.

I hug my heart pillow, hoping I'll somehow get over Jayden, after all, there wasn't much seriousness between us, so what if we kissed, slept together and he took me on stage? it shouldn't be a big deal, but I know m heart is telling me otherwise. it's telling me that I'm allowed to sneak off with guys three years younger.

There's way too much for me to learn, and I might start now.

I rest my head on the pillow and when I hear my mother come home in through the door, I'm thankful I don't die of a heart attack. My mother knowing about Carolien being here would of course make her ground me for another month and I wouldn't be able to see Caroline for the longest time.

My mind instantly wanders to whether or not Caroline left anything in the kitchen or living room that my mother would notice but after checking all of the boxes, I know we were as good as thieves when seeking her into my room.

I hear keys falling onto the kitchen counter and my mother slowly making her way to her favorite spot in the whole house; the TV.

I close my eyes and allow fresh air from the slightly cracked window to flow into my lungs, everything feels so chaotic and I don't even know how I got here. It's my own fault, Jayden just seemed so tall, so grown up and so much more mature than me that I even assumed he was a year or two older and now . . . he's sixteen turning seventeen while I practically just turned twenty.

I groan and turn to the other side, Caroline is already asleep while I'm debating my whole life in my head.

I grab a few magazines from under my bed that I've stashed up over the years of my mother trying to sneak them in so that we can both gossip about something instead of just her telling me facts about celebrity hookups, but I've never really picked them up until now.

I pick up a small stack and flip through the pages with the moonlight from a sliver in the curtains. I'm surprised caroline even fell asleep because this is more light than my bedside lamp can give me.

All of the recent magazines are covered in the same photo; Jayden's hand resting on a wall beside my head while he leans in, my hair blocking my face, making my features darker and more unrecognizable as Jayden's lips come out slightly pink in the photo and his other hand rests on my slim waist. The photo is captured unblurry but yet it's too dark to see me, thankfully I'm hidden by Jayden's hand, my hair, and the darkness. 

I can't help but bite my lips as I stare at the photo, running my fingers over it. I had no idea Jayden was so young but now that I look at the photo I can't see it even after hearing it from him. I can't see how he's so young.

I flip through the pages and gulp when I let the magazine slide from my hand, I see the date on the most recent one, showing that this is a magazine from yesterday; the day I got grounded, the day I went to Jayden's concert in the first place. My fingers slowly move toward it as my eyes stare at the cover of a photo I've never seen before.

The photo covers the whole magazine with a few small titles everywhere in between that I don't care about, all I can see is the main title; 'Jayden's new fling?'

The cover is full of blue lights, and a stage that Jayden and I are both standing on, while I'm sitting in a chair on the stage and he's serenading me, flowers in my hands and Jayden's microphone in his while his lips look so perfect. His performing outfit makes him look like a god. With fans all around us, their faces and bodies looking like black shadows while everyone's hand sticks out of the crowd with a flashlight on their phone on, aiming it at us.

I open the page to where I notice the cover again, this time it's much smaller and this time, there's a whole text written beneath that I can't stop myself from reading. This is going to be a long night. 

I glance once more at Caroline, making sure she's absolutely asleep before I finally rake my eyes over the text, scanning every single word, 

'Jayden's new fling thought to be Maria Gonzalez as discovered on social media has been around Jayden since his pre-birthday bash in L.A. Last weekend. The mystery brunette has finally been revealed and we're here for it,' 

I roll my eyes before continuing, my eyes and mind hungry for more, this is about me, this is someone writing about me, it's something I need to know; something I should have known and approved even before it was published but the limelight is not at all what I imagined and I know that if I keep being around Jayden, it's only going to get much worse than an unapproved paragraph about us.

'All we know about miss Gonzalez is what she'll tell us on social media, which frankly isn't enough, considering she's still a big mystery. We all know Jayden's few exes have been very open on social media, but this is something fans aren't used to. And while Jayden hasn't been in many relationships, this one feels different, even to us. Fans think this might be his next very serious relationship, but that's how Jayden's fans always are. Let's see what happens.'

I can't help but allow a smile to cross my face, I know I still have feelings for Jayden, they won't just go away like this and for no reason, I know that. I know I'll like him for a very very long time, there's something in me telling me that. But despite the feelings, I force my mind to make a decision, and the first step to reaching a decision is to learn more which is why, uncontrollably, my fingers switch to the next page about Jayden and his family life, the way his mother had him young and the way his father left before he was born, but despite everything that's being written about Jayde, I know that this isn't the full story. Just like I'm not the mystery girl everyone thinks I am.

I press my fingers over an image of Jayden and heave a deep quiet sigh, I know I have a lot to learn but I know I'm willing to learn it.