Epilogue
I should've died.
Death is my only way of escaping from this abyss I'm living. I was hugging both of my knees as I sat down on a dirty mattress that my mother provided me. My room is in the attic of the house full of dust, spider webs, and bugs.
I have another wound on my legs because my mother whipped me with a belt and she was hitting me with a metal part. I just let her hurt me until my body became numb. I don't fathom why my mother was so angry with me.
She should've been happy that I am her first son. It was very cold and the curtains were swaying from the cold breeze. I've heard that there was a storm in our city that is why I could hear the thunderstorm roaring in the sky.
My hands were shuddering in the cold. My teeth gritted each other and my lips were almost dry. My father didn't go home because he was handling the business. He rarely goes home.
I am happy if my father is here because my mother will take me out from this attic and I am gonna sleep in the guestroom for how many days. If my father is gone, it is back to reality. The housemaids even hurt me and make fun of me because my mother told them to do it.
Did I do something bad to Mom? Why does she hate me so much?
The door creaked open widely. My mother has a flashlight on her light as she pointed the light on my bed. I have been hugging myself because I was cold. I couldn't even shut my eyes and sleep because of the mosquitoes.
"Why are you still awake?" Mom asked.
"I-It's cold, Mom," I replied, stuttering. Napalunok ako habang tinitingnan siya. "C-Can I sleep in the guestroom for a while?"
"Who are you to request something from me?"
Mas lalo siya lumapit sa akin. Kita ko ang galit sa kaniyang mata habang tinututok niya sa akin ang flashlights. Napayuko na lang ako. Bawal nga pala ako magrequest sa kaniya. Kasi hindi naman ako espesyal sa tahanan na ito.
"Tell me, who are you to demand something?" Mom reiterated. "You may be a first born of Hamilton but I don't even give a fuck about you! How dare you, child!"
I could feel the hot tears rolling down from my cheeks. She was right, she doesn't care about me. My mother doesn't even care about me. She loathes me so much that I know she is praying for me to die. I didn't utter any words back for her because I would still respect her as my mother.
I gulped. "I'm so sorry, Mom."
"I will never accept you as my son, Cadence. You are nothing to me. You are dead to me!"
"S-Sorry, Mom..."
"I wish you would just die! I hate you to death!"
My eyes pooled. "Y-You don't mean it, Mom."
"I fucking mean everything I said! You are just a pest in a family. I couldn't even take a glance at you. Look at you! You are so dirty!"
"I know you love me, Mom."
She shook her head in disapproval. "I will never love you. Always remember that, Cadence. You are dead to me."
Hinatak niya 'yung siko ko hudyat na papatulugin niya na ako sa guestroom. I smiled inwardly. Siguro nahihiya lang si Mom na ipakita ang pagmamahal sa akin. Kahit papaano ay naawa pa rin siya sa lagay ko. Napadpad na kami sa magandang disenyo ng bahay.
"Go to the guest room. Your father will go home any minute. Take a shower," Mom commanded. "What are you staring at? Go to the guest room!"
Tinulak niya ako papasok sa loob. Napanguso ako at may isang kasambahay na pinapasok si Mom para tulungan ako maligo sa banyo. I thought she had an ounce of humanity to me. Mapait ako ngumiti nang malaman ang rason bakit niya ako papatulugin ni Mom sa guest room, it is because my father will go home.
"Huwag kang tumunganga! Pumasok ka na!" the housemaid hissed. "Buti na lang wala kang kwenta kaya sa attic ka pinapatulog."
I blinked. "H-Hindi po ako walang kwenta."
"Aba! Sasagot ka pang bata ka! Kung pwede lang kita masakal nagawa ko na. Pasalamat ka pinapasahod ako ng tatay mo!"
The housemaid slapped my buttocks with force. I cried in pain when she did it over and over again. Hanggang sa tuluyan niya na ako pinaliguan. She was brushing my hair, but I could see the irritated face on her.
I heard the door open. My father was wearing corporate attire with a box on his hand. It was a new toy. Nanatili akong naka upo sa gilid ng kama. My father was the only one who wasn't capable of hurting me.
"I bought you a toy," Dad said. "Come here, boy. Let me see you closer."
"I-Is it for me?" I responded.
Dad nodded his head. "Come here. Don't be afraid of your father."
Lumabas na 'yung kasambahay na nanakit sa akin. Napalunok ako at dahan-dahan din ako naglakad palapit kay Dad. Nakangiti siya habang inaabot sa akin toy car. Kinuha ko naman 'yun at may gumuhit na ngiti sa aking labi.
"Thank you, Dad. I love it so much!"
"I knew you would love it. Give your father a hug."
I went between his arms to give him a warm hug. I was smiling while I'm clutching his dress shirt in happiness. When I opened my eyes, I saw my mother giving me a deadly glare behind my father. My smile slowly melted because of her stare.
"Darling," Mom called. "You have to get rest. There is a storm in our city so let your son sleep in his room."
"I'll be there for five minutes, Lanie. I miss my son," si Dad habang ginugulo 'yung buhok ko. Nanatili pa rin ako sa kaniyang bisig.
"But I miss my husband more..."
Dad huffed. "Alright. I'm coming."
"I'm waiting, Frederick. I'll go take a hot shower."
Tumalikod na si Mom para pumunta na sa kanilang silid. Ako naman ngayon ay medyo nalungkot kasi aalis ulit si Dad. Mas lalo ko niyakap nang mahigpit si Dad. I want him beside me all the time. Whenever I'm with my father, people around me are very kind.
"You have to take a nap, Cadence," Dad muttered.
Binuhat ako ni Dad para ihiga na ako sa higaan. Sobrang lambot at ang linis ng higaan kumpara sa totoong higaan ko sa attic. Ngumiti ako sa kaniya habang kinukumutan niya ako. Lumapit pa siya palapit sa akin para hagkan ang noo ko.
"I always miss you, Cadence. But your Dad is very busy to provide you anything you want," Dad added.
I pouted. "You don't need to work. I want to be with you everyday, Dad. Will you do that for me?"
"I'm very sorry. I can't do that but I will make sure to buy you more toys in the future. Goodnight."
"Goodnight, Dad..."
He turned off the lamp beside the nightstand table. I just watched him leave my room until he closed the door. Napanguso ako. What shall I do to make him stay in our house? Palagi akong masaya kapag kasama ko siya.
Pinikit ko na lang ang mata ko habang iniisip na magkakaroon kami ng bonding ni Dad bukas. I can't wait to play with my new toy!
A week has passed, the weather is very humid. Malungkot ko pinapanood si Dad na sasakay na sa kaniyang sasakyan para asikasuhin ang trabaho niya sa ibang bansa. Next month pa siya uuwi. Nakangiti si Mom habang hinahawakan ang kamay ko.
