Mental Disorder Series 3: Sinful Touch

Epilogue

Epilogue

I should've died.

Death is my only way of escaping from this abyss I'm living. I was hugging both of my knees as I sat down on a dirty mattress that my mother provided me. My room is in the attic of the house full of dust, spider webs, and bugs.

I have another wound on my legs because my mother whipped me with a belt and she was hitting me with a metal part. I just let her hurt me until my body became numb. I don't fathom why my mother was so angry with me.

She should've been happy that I am her first son. It was very cold and the curtains were swaying from the cold breeze. I've heard that there was a storm in our city that is why I could hear the thunderstorm roaring in the sky.

My hands were shuddering in the cold. My teeth gritted each other and my lips were almost dry. My father didn't go home because he was handling the business. He rarely goes home.

I am happy if my father is here because my mother will take me out from this attic and I am gonna sleep in the guestroom for how many days. If my father is gone, it is back to reality. The housemaids even hurt me and make fun of me because my mother told them to do it.

Did I do something bad to Mom? Why does she hate me so much?

The door creaked open widely. My mother has a flashlight on her light as she pointed the light on my bed. I have been hugging myself because I was cold. I couldn't even shut my eyes and sleep because of the mosquitoes.

"Why are you still awake?" Mom asked.

"I-It's cold, Mom," I replied, stuttering. Napalunok ako habang tinitingnan siya. "C-Can I sleep in the guestroom for a while?"

"Who are you to request something from me?"

Mas lalo siya lumapit sa akin. Kita ko ang galit sa kaniyang mata habang tinututok niya sa akin ang flashlights. Napayuko na lang ako. Bawal nga pala ako magrequest sa kaniya. Kasi hindi naman ako espesyal sa tahanan na ito.

"Tell me, who are you to demand something?" Mom reiterated. "You may be a first born of Hamilton but I don't even give a fuck about you! How dare you, child!"

I could feel the hot tears rolling down from my cheeks. She was right, she doesn't care about me. My mother doesn't even care about me. She loathes me so much that I know she is praying for me to die. I didn't utter any words back for her because I would still respect her as my mother.

I gulped. "I'm so sorry, Mom."

"I will never accept you as my son, Cadence. You are nothing to me. You are dead to me!"

"S-Sorry, Mom..."

"I wish you would just die! I hate you to death!"

My eyes pooled. "Y-You don't mean it, Mom."

"I fucking mean everything I said! You are just a pest in a family. I couldn't even take a glance at you. Look at you! You are so dirty!"

"I know you love me, Mom."

She shook her head in disapproval. "I will never love you. Always remember that, Cadence. You are dead to me."

Hinatak niya 'yung siko ko hudyat na papatulugin niya na ako sa guestroom. I smiled inwardly. Siguro nahihiya lang si Mom na ipakita ang pagmamahal sa akin. Kahit papaano ay naawa pa rin siya sa lagay ko. Napadpad na kami sa magandang disenyo ng bahay.

"Go to the guest room. Your father will go home any minute. Take a shower," Mom commanded. "What are you staring at? Go to the guest room!"

Tinulak niya ako papasok sa loob. Napanguso ako at may isang kasambahay na pinapasok si Mom para tulungan ako maligo sa banyo. I thought she had an ounce of humanity to me. Mapait ako ngumiti nang malaman ang rason bakit niya ako papatulugin ni Mom sa guest room, it is because my father will go home.