Pieces of My Heart

Chapter 10

How Sam managed to convince me to come with him to the Wednesday night Bible study, I will never know. Dad had to work late, and Margie stayed at home, not feeling well again. As for me, I wanted to get out of the house, but the more I think about it, maybe staying at home would have been a good idea. My throat and head hurts, probably the best thing I could do is go home, hope it's just allergies and go to sleep, hoping for a better day tomorrow.

My arms are crossed over my chest and I glare at Sam. "Are you seriously going to make me go in there?"

His eyebrows go up so high they disappear behind his dark hair hanging over his forehead. "All I did was, invite you to come. You're the one who said yes."

Goose bumps rise on my arms and my stomach is jumping around as if I'm running. "I really don't want to be here." I shift my weight and take a deep breath.

"Why'd you say you would, then?" Sam puts his keys in his pocket and rest against the car, apparently preparing to wait until I am ready to go in.

My fingers hurt from wringing them together. "I don't know." But I do, and Sam titles his head to the side and says, "Yeah."

"I just like getting out of the house, okay?" I just prefer non-social events. Preferably somewhere I could either curl up with a book or go running—not somewhere I had to sit with a group of strangers and participate in activities. It was either go to Bible study or spend the evening with just Margie. As much as I don't care that much for church stuff, Bible study won.

Sam starts walking towards the church. "If we don't get in there soon, my mom will come looking for us."

When I realize Sam is actually going to go in the church and leave me outside I hurry to catch up to him. "They won't expect me to talk or anything, right?" I rub my sweaty palms on my jeans. He shrugs instead of answering, which makes my stomach drop to my feet. "What? What will they expect me to do?"

We stop in the hallway and I start to pace. Three steps forward, turn around and three steps back again.

"Don't worry about it, they'll just want you to introduce yourself and maybe give a few random facts about yourself." He waves his hand as if it no big deal, but he knows me better than that. "You're getting yourself all stressed about nothing."

Thankfully, the hallway is empty, but it doesn't lessen the nervousness I feel about having to enter a room with people in it I don't know.

"I should've brought note cards on it with what to say," I grumble under my breath and shoot Sam a glare.

It isn't actually his fault that this evening is going way worse than I imagined it going, but still. He couldn't casually throw that in? How hard would it have been to say, 'Want to come to Bible study with me tonight? By the way, you might have to have a biography of your life written in perfect chronological order.' I easily would've said, 'no thanks' picked up a book and found somewhere else to go.

"You can't be scared of everything all the time, Rindy." He huffs out a sigh and returns the glare. "You have to get out and live a little. You have to leave your note cards behind sometimes."

"I just don't like people." I cross my arms, but loosen my glare.

He rubs his forehead. "We all have things we don't like. We can't let that control us." He walks down the hall and turns.

Do I want to be scared the rest of my life? Just because I have to go in and say a few things about myself, doesn't mean I have to talk to anyone else.

Squaring my shoulders I follow him down the hall.

Compared to school there really isn't that many people. The difference is, at school I can blend in. No one notices if I am being ignored, there I can blend into the wall. With a small group it is obvious I'm there.

I'm not sure what would be worse--purposefully being ignored, or being acknowledged.

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After shutting his screeching door, Sam buckles his seat belt. "So, what did you think?"

"The people were nice." They talked to me, but they weren't completely overwhelming. I had to introduce myself, but they didn't make me say much else at all.

We drive in our usually silence.

"Do you have a car?"

Darkness shields my face, but I glance out of the window anyways. "No."

"Do you have your license?"

"Yes... I don't really drive that often though." I shrug. "Maybe Dad will give me a car for my birthday." It'll be awhile before I could afford one on my own when I have no job...

"Your parents won't let you drive one of their cars?" He hits the turn signal.

"Come on, you've seen the relationship I have with Dad and Margie. I try to avoid asking them for favors. Besides, there really isn't any place I want to go really... just away from them and I can get there by running."

Sam chuckles quietly. "You live together, Rindy, you can't avoid them forever."

How dare he chuckle! He may not have the perfect family I first pegged him with, it doesn't give him the right to laugh at my home life. "I can try." My arms cross again.

"You know how before Bible study you were scared to go in and you were hanging out by the door way? That's what you are doing in your life at home-- watching through the window, scared to actually participate." He turns a corner. "I just wonder, are you actually scared of the people, or of them hurting you...."

Tears prick my eyes and I try to keep my breathing even. "You're so rude, Sam Hamilton. You have me sit down and you tell me everything about my life as if you're some genius on broken families. We're friends but it doesn't mean you can come in and tear down everything in my life. My life with my family is my business, and none of yours."

He pulls into my driveway without saying a word. As I start to open the door he puts a hand on my arm to stop me. "I'm sorry, you're right." He releases a shaky sigh. "I shouldn't say some of the things that I say. You're hurting and.... It isn't fun being in a broken family."

I'm not sure what the proper response should be, so I don't say anything.

"I'll try to think before I speak next time." He releases my arm and puts his car into gear. I don't look back at Sam until I'm on the porch, and by then all I can see are his taillights disappearing.

Sam shouldn't have said thosethings, really. But maybe the reason they bother me so much is because they'retrue.