ms fernby's cottage

33 5 1

by Glassriverbutterfly

by Glassriverbutterfly

Peggors

Title

I love the title. But I think it would look better as Miss Fernby's Cottage rather than Ms. Fernby's Cottage.

Cover

I am going to be honest I don't like the cover at all. I think a cover with a cottage and a sinister feel would work way better for this story. Also give a hint as to what the story is about.

Summary

The last part of the summary works. But I feel like the first half would flow smoother with something like

The world is a scary place. Every corner is filled with pain. To an adult, that's life, but to a child it is confusing and horrifying. When children feel like there is nowhere to escape the terrors of the world, there is Miss Fernby's cottage. A real-life fairyland owned by a princess, where the cookies and rice taste so nice.

The Last Thing She Heard

First off, there is no punctuation, and that is very off-putting. I'd title that part excerpt as well. Then have a banner as a line breaker so that you can list trigger warnings and author notes.

Chapter One

The punctuation and grammar are much better in this chapter. The flow is smoother as well. I am interested in the story. It has a lot of promise.

Chapter Two

I feel like the dialogue in places needs work to feel more natural. You switch between past and present tense sometimes, which is something you should watch out for.

Chapter Three

This chapter feels more like a filler chapter and falls a bit flat for me. I think it needs more work.

Thoughts on story overall

I think this story has a lot of potential. Especially in the horror genre, it needs work at the moment though. The characters need to be fleshed out more. Add a little more eerie feel in the earlier chapters.

I look forward to reading the completed edited version in the future to see where you go with it.