By Chance In Oxford

10. Athena

"I'm so glad I ran into you. Call it by chance in Oxford!" Wow! He really just said that didn't he? I was ready to fall out of my chair and go into some sort of light. He was just perfect, everything about him was perfect, no one understands, this boy made me feel like 5,000 volts of electricity had just run through me. When I spoke with him it felt ok, like I didn't have to be ashamed of my past, like he would accept me either way, no one has ever provided me with such a sense of amenity. Like I was bleeding all over the floor, leaving trails everywhere I went, and he was the first aid I needed to run into at the perfect time. It was by chance alright! "Enough about me, what's your story? What about your childhood?", it was only right, he had just dug deep into something so fragile, so hidden, like an antique I had covered up with dust for so many years. "Well, I guess it's only right that I share with you right? Grew up with a pretty shit marriage always sitting before me, my dad treated me right but he always blamed my mother for everything, like everything was her problem, her fault, her mistake. I never really knew as they, more specifically my mom was so good at hiding it from me and making me think that everything was perfect. My mom was severely depressed. My dad would always tell her to be happy, to lighten up, to cheer up because she "had no reason to be sad" he was cruel to her in that way. She tried everything except what she had to do, which was see a doctor. At one point she was continuously giving me things and talking to me about the very distant future like that necklace. The one you're wearing, that was her necklace, a wedding gift to her from my dad. She sat me down one day and told me to give it to a woman I think I will love for the rest of my life, to give it to a woman that reminds you of what real love looks like. I was under 10 and was so confused as to why she was talking about marriage and dating with me at such a young age and why she was giving away this necklace to me. She committed suicide not too long after and man was I crushed. My chest dropped towards my feet and for many years I was numb to everything. My dad quickly moved on, got remarried, and pushed me to just get over it but I couldn't. All my life I have waited for a woman to come along that reminded me of all the good things my mom steered me towards and told me to find in a woman. Everyone else in life was just in it for my money but you, you felt different to me, you are different. For years I had blamed myself for her death. I stopped playing sports, I acted out in school, lost friends, family, I just shut everything out because I felt I did not under any circumstances deserve any good in life because even at my young age I was blind to my mother being so depressed and I figured I was too distracted by all the good in life that I missed it. So as punishment I let go of everything I loved to teach myself a lesson. I practically felt like I killed her myself, like her own son could not even answer her calls for help. Later on though I realized that it wasn't my fault and that my mom was incredible at hiding things and making my childhood at least the part she was around for memorable and beautiful, everything was perfect with her, and loving, and kind. She was my everything.", he slowed for a moment and I felt one with him. Like he was feeling the exact same way I felt when I opened up about what he asked about me. Like he had bottled it up for so many years trying to play the tough guy so people did not think of you any differently. "Take a deep breath, you're ok.", I commanded and he did as I said. "After he found out about my mom, my dad left me when I was around 6. I was raised by one of our many house maids, she became my lifeline. Today I would probably be in prison or dead somewhere because I hated the world for so long. I still keep Ophelia around to this day and I call her everyday and love her and consider her as my second mom. I haven't spoken to my dad in years and he is actually one of my biggest business rivals or competitors. I despise him for many reasons, quite genuinely though I have tried to forget he exists. When I hit high school, Ophelia had encouraged me to try hard to become successful and to change my way of thinking and do good for myself instead of acting out and causing danger to myself and others. Surprisingly, I listened and started engaging in online business, starting with stocks, simple stuff at maybe 16 years old. I got looped in with a yacht company, and at 18 I decided I needed to start my own yacht company. I had millions saved from my parents and from all the business I had done as a kid so I started it up. Skipped college because everything was going so well for me and basically created one giant yacht mafia, just minus most of the killing.", he sounded so passionate as he preached his moment of revelation to change. I interjected, "That sounds like an amazing life. A turn around for you that I think you much deserved. No one knows losing love like a parent better than we do and I can tell you that you deserve a happy ending." "Thank you Athena, truly from the bottom of my heart, most people see me as the cold hearted I am but no one takes a minute to ever say something like that. The whole point of my company is basically buying and selling yachts to put it simply but there are a lot of other complicated, dangerous, powerful, schemes that go into it but unfortunately we only have the night and I would have to explain something that takes a week in only a few short hours. After the business took off I bought myself one of the most beautiful yachts, the whole point of yachts was that my mother had always wanted one and though we could afford it my dad was so busy with his crazy gang work that he never took notice that my mom loved the ocean. I'm from Italy, hence the no accent thing, both my parents grew up there and my mom was raised on a boat sailing the world. She loved it and when she married my dad she lost it. We created a yacht that was everything my mom ever wanted and we named it "Evangeline is watching". Cliche I know but I wanted it to symbolize that she is with me, and she never left my side, and that every time I hit that water she is watching and looking out on the horizon with me. For years I had just wanted to be alone, like I wasn't good enough for the world. I was callous and filled with greed, but it was meeting people like yourself that although I hate to admit it, made me want to come out of the dark shell I created for myself. Like I don't need the protection anymore.", he had just given me parts of himself that he hadn't shown to anyone. I felt special for that. "First of all, I love the name, it's creative and beautiful and I wish I would've done something like that for my mom. You don't ever have to feel like it's your fault, I did the same thing though, and it hurts. Your mom loved you and she wanted to go out in peace and wanted you to remember her as a beautiful, angelic, kind, warm, caring, compassionate person that I know she was. She wanted to leave with you knowing you had a mother that loved you to pieces, and everything she did before leaving, the necklace, the love, the advice. That is all one big message telling you that she is in fact watching, telling you that she cares and that she is not leaving because of you or anything you have ever done, she is leaving because she can't stay anymore and that is not your fault especially not as a child.", I needed him to know. I could not sit there and allow someone to blame themselves for something that is not caused by their hands at all just the way that I did when my mother died. I felt useless, like everything was my problem because I was a kid. I would be the devil himself if I sat and let someone else sit in the uncomfort of believing they caused harm to someone who clearly had no choice but to feel the way she did. No one chooses to be suicidal, no one chooses to feel that way, we all want happiness, no one wakes up one day and desires to be depressed or suicidal, it isn't his fault, and it's not his mothers either, she could not control a single thing she experienced, that was the burden put upon her, and I hated his dad for ever thinking she was doing it for attention or making the situation bigger than it was. "I enjoyed this deeply, I have never met someone who seemed like a totally emotionless jerk on the outside who turned out to be such a deep, passionate, loving, kind, hurt person ever. I think it's beautiful that you are willing to step out of the shell and come to terms with your wounds. I consider us closer than strangers and I'm here for you at any single moment when times get too tough, you let it go, you cry, you scream, you let it go. I also promise not to tell anyone, wouldn't want to ruin the big bad wolf reputation.", I winked and watched as he let out the biggest, most adorable laugh which completely signaled that the dark topic of conversation needed to end and we needed to go on with the night happily. "Big bad wolf, huh? Is that what you see me as Ms. Carter? I guess I'm doing something right if it got you sitting at this table.", he was such a flirt it annoyed me, like the high school jocks from movies that flirted with all the girls on the cheer team but I couldn't complain much I quite liked it.