I have always wanted to love and be loved
I keep thinking about the what could be
How wonderful it is to be valued and appreciated
How magical the feeling is when you can share your happiness to your favorite person.
But whenever someone is there to give their love,
whenever someone is giving their time and effort,
whenever someone is trying to make me feel valued,
I step back.
Worried that they're just playing, making bets with their friends.
Worried that they might just destroy me after knowing my weaknesses.
Worried that they don't really like me the way I thought they did.
All the traumas I have experienced before kept on creeping at the back of my head
These trust issues are going nowhere.
I hate the fact that I still self-sabotage.
Still healing never mending.
Maybe I don't deserve the love I've always wanted in this lifetime.
