Hawai'i Talks Story [Countryhumans and Statehumans Oneshots]

The Polynesian Family

"So, are we setting up the picnic first, or are we going to do something else?" Tuvalu asked, as she sighed. "Come on, people."

"Alright, take a vote." Hawaii said, clapping her hands. "We can settle it democratically for once."

"Says the American. Miss Finiki has finally joined the dark side." Tonga joked.

"Oh, shut the hell up. You can't think of a better insult than Phoenix?" Hawaii said, rolling her eyes. "I am disappointed in all of you."

"Siʻoku tuonga'ane ʻofeina, ʻokú ke ʻiloʻi ʻokú ke ʻofa ʻiate au." (My beloved cousin, you know you love me.) Tonga said, and Samoa pushed her shoulder. Which led to a pushing battle, and then sparring right then and there.

"Why the hell are you two like this?" Hawaii sighed, slapping Samoa lightly on the head. "I haven't been a country in over a hundred years, and still, I am more mature than both of you."

"You are not mature. You're just old, Wai." Tuvalu said, giggling

"Hey, and you are just a baby." Hawaii said. "You and your siblings."

"I am not!" Tuvalu said, her face going red. "I was born in 1975! That was a long time ago! And Tokelau was born in 1916!"

"1916? Sweetheart, I was born in 1795." Hawaii answered, dramatically sweeping her hand over her forehead. "I have seen the rise and fall of many nations, of Empires! I am in the presence of literal babes! I know not the day, only the month and year in which I was born!"

"I don't remember the year when I was born." Māori chimed in, and Hawaii smiled, patting his back.

"Don't worry, no one's challenging your title to Polynesia's Grandpa." Hawaii said, laughing. "Aue, my family is so sensitive."

"Wai, how about you be Polynesia's Aunt?" Tonga laughed,

"Hell no. I would rather not have all of you as my niblings. Hellspawns, all of you." Hawaii snorted. "It's not my fault you are all literal children compared to me."

"But first off, you are old as dirt. Second, you have kids older than some of us." Tuvalu said, and Hawaii grumbled in response. "Third, it's better then Grandma."

"Sure, anything to keep you all from calling me Grandma again." Hawaii sighed. "I guess I am Aunty Wai now."

"Wait, how is everyone related again?" Aotearoa said, confused.

"Biologically, with adoptions, or emotionally?" American Samoa chimed in.

"So you see, mostly everyone is cousins. Ancient Tahiti is everyone's mom, Māori is everyone's grandpa, and Wai has just been nominated as everyone's Aunt."

"But... wasn't Ancient Tahiti..."

"Yes, and that's why it's funny." Hawaii laughed, as she pulled a mat out of her bag that she had brought. "Come on, Roa. You have to have a little bit of an imagination with us. Now, help me lay out this hali'i for us to sit on. Since democracy was refused, I am now a benevolent dictator."

Aotearoa laughed softly, and helped to lay out the blanket, and everyone set up the picnic on the grass, the surf crashing softly in the background.

"So... you settled into the Polynesians much quicker than I did." Aotearoa said, quietly looking down. "I guess that's because... you belong here. Unlike me."

"Roa, come on, you do belong here. Remember when I met you? You were one step away from beating my naive ass into reality." Hawaii laughed. "That's Polynesian Spirit."

Aotearoa sighed. "I don't know... I was..."

"Aotearoa, we love you here. Look at all of us." French Polynesia grinned, before gesturing to Samoa. "We got this idiot who once decided she was a monkey and tried to climb a coconut tree with no safety equipment."