Double Standards

70

Riley

James and I both went home last night to shower and eat a proper meal, we also made sure that we wore something nice for when we take Tommy and Poppy to see their grandad
We've been at the hospital for a few hours now just waiting for the midwives to say they're okay to come off the oxygen just felt like forever

Jonah informed us that Dad has been eating, it's only small amounts but anything is better then nothing and Jonah said he's really excited to see the twins so fingers crossed Dad continues to fight
I embrace James into a much needed cuddle to try and silence my thoughts which it seems to help a little bit and going home last night definitely helped as well , we both were able to clear our heads and actually get some much needed sleep; something we wasn't getting before

"I think I'm ready to show everyone now" James says
"Yeah I was just thinking the same to be honest" I reply
"We're both so in sync" James chuckles "We'll post at the same time okay?" James continues
"Of course my love" I reply as we search through photos that we've taken of them and it doesn't take us long to find one we both absolutely adore

Just as we post them Savannah comes in with a warm smile as always with a long blonde hair slicked back into a high ponytail looking effortlessly pretty
"Hey guys, I've just come in to take Tommy and Poppy off their oxygen then I'll wheel them down so you're able to visit Patrick" Savannah explains causing us both to grab our belongings as Savannah removes the tapes from each of their cheeks and gently removes the tubes up their noses

We got very lucky with Savannah being our midwife, I've never met anyone so kind and caring in my entire life and it's very clear that she absolutely loves her job, you always hear about those horror stories or how some midwives aren't actually that nice but thankfully we got blessed with someone who does
Someone who'll actually keep the reputation of good midwives actually are about and they aren't hard to find

It didn't take long to get to Dads room since it was like a second nature to come here now and as we all walked in Dad was sat upright in his bed dressed in a blue button up shirt while the rest of his body is covered by the quilts and blankets from the hospital
Dad for once looked well and truly happy, something we haven't seen in some time and it was honestly lovely to see

"Oh you guys have made the perfect babies" Dad gushes as he looks at the both as he holds one in each arm
"They're honestly so perfect" Dad continues
"They honestly are aren't they" James replied with a smile
"I'm so proud of you both" Dad says looking in between us both
"Thank you Dad, they're off their oxygen for 2 hours everyday now so as long as everything goes well then we're able to take them off fully and take them home with us" I explain

"It'll fly by and in no time they'll be running circles around you both just like you did when you was little" Dad says his eyes hinting that he was having flashbacks of when I was this young but his expression soon changed into a sad one meaning he's probably thinking about Mum and Emily as well
"Did you want a picture with them?" I ask trying to break his thoughts

"No no we'll take one another day when I'm out of here" Dad replies
"Alright I'm sure we can make that happen" I say with a smile
Maybe Dad is going to fight now?
Perhaps he's realised he can have a life with them before the inevitable does actually happen?
Either way I was thankful that Dads tune had changed when it came to that, he was still young way too young to go just yet

—

We've been back in the twins room for a few hours now just watching them as they sleep, I mean what else do you do with a newborn? It's too early to give them a quick wash as well since they've still got their umbilical cord so other then that all we can do is watch them sleep
They're still not taking a bottle as such more likely little syringes every now and then as their stomachs are so tiny but even that's increasing as each day comes

Fingers crossed we can be a proper family at home soon, I know that we're a long way from that but I couldn't help and think ahead to when that'll happen
James being that hands on Dad like I've always pictured he would be; teaching them things they didn't even need to know at this age but that wouldn't stop him. The more I thought about it the bigger the smile got on my face causing James to look at me weirdly

"What are you think about?" James asks
"Just you" I reply "Well about us being a family at home and how you'll be with them both, I honestly can't wait for that" I continue causing James to smile as he thinks about it too
Looking at the time and seeing it reads it's almost 8pm we grab our things and start to head out hand in hand, our thoughts of what we'll be like as parents are spoken out loud as we make our way through the hospital and as we reach the entrance we can hear the sound of Jonah shouting our names

We turn around to see a very panicked Jonah running through the hospital trying to reach us
"I'm so sorry guys" Jonah says out of breath
"What are you sorry about?" James asks
"I'm so sorry" Jonah replies before tears start to form in his eyes

"It's your Dad Riley.. I'm so sorry.." Jonah says
"What's happened?" I ask my heart beginning to beat faster and faster
"He's gone.." Jonah explains causing my heart to sink

Just as I was starting to get happy my world comes tumbling back down.. why could he hold on a bit longer? Did he really have to go now? Why did he..