That Heart Of Gold | Levi X Reader

chapter fourteen

You woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of soft crying.

While you were sleeping, it started to rain. Thunder cracked every minute or so, reminiscent of a sound that you'd pushed to the back of your mind.

Your eyes snapped open, only to find your husband sitting on the edge of the bed, his back to you. His hair was disheveled and his legs were bouncing up and down erratically, his head in his hands.

You reached out to gently run your fingertips over his shoulder, letting him know you were there. His breath hitched at your touch, but he didn't look up.

Now you were concerned. "Levi? What's wrong?"

Levi shook his head. "S-S-Sorry... Just l-leave me alone," he stammered.

You got off the bed to kneel in front of him. His hands were covering his face, but you could still hear his muffled sobs. "Please, tell me what's wrong, Levi," you whispered. "Please."

He spread his fingers, revealing a bloodshot eye. "T-The nightmares... they..." A choking sound coming from his throat interrupted him. "I-Isabel and Farlan-"

Instantly, the pieces clicked, and an ache bloomed in your chest. When you first joined the Scouts, your friends had died in a storm just like this one, with Titans' footsteps resounding like thunder and rain so heavily you could barely see. The memory still haunted him.

Tears pricked the corners of your eyes. You hated seeing Levi like this. You hated seeing him in pain. He didn't deserve this at all.

"Levi." You opened your arms slightly, inviting, but not pressuring.

He collapsed against you, and you wrapped your arms around his back, shushing him. His cries were muffled by your shoulder, his arms wrapping around you tightly, as if he was afraid to let you go.

Boom!

Levi actually flinched in your arms, and your brow furrowed in concern. "Shh," you cooed, sushing him gently with your calming voice. "You're not there, Levi. You're not on a mission. You're safe. You're with me."

His expression tightened. "I know," he bit out. Though he tried to keep them quiet, you could hear his breaths becoming quick and shallow. "I know I'm not there. Logically, I know, but... I-I can't."

It was just then you noticed that he was starting to become hysterical, his cries becoming louder, his grip becoming tighter.

Then he was moving. He didn't recall making a conscious decision to do so. Overwhelmed with too many emotions to count, he kissed you desperately. He couldn't stand to live another moment with those memories haunting him. You were here. And the only thing he wanted to do was to hold you and to never let go.

Your eyes widened at the sudden contact, but you knew that Levi needed to feel you. To feel you were here.

You folded him in your arms tighter and kissed him back, parting your lips to allow him inside. He pressed closer, as if he wasn't ever going to get enough. His movements were sloppy, his desperation showing. On top of all that, you could taste the salt from his tears. But, you didn't mind. This wasn't supposed to be perfect. This was about reassuring him, in whatever way he needed.

Levi grasped at your clothes, to the point where he was close to ripping them off. He was hissing against your lips, "Please... P-Please..." as if he was begging for something that he couldn't quite wrap his head around.

You withdrew just enough so that your lips were barely brushing his. "Levi," you cooed gently. "Calm down." Your hands lifted to cup his cheeks with all the tenderness in the world, your thumbs wiping the tears from his face. You held his desperate gaze with a soft one of your own as you shushed him. If there was one thing you'd learned about Levi since you'd met him, it was that he was like a mirror. If you were calm, he was calm. "It's okay. We'll do whatever you need, okay? But first, you need to calm down."