whatever you wanted | arizona robbins & amelia shepherd (grey's anatomy)

tell me why this has to end? (pt. I)

Author's note: inserted a few some partly AU-ish flashback scenes from 7x3. would recommend a rewatch if you've forgotten. :) hope you'll enjoy.

"Last night wasn't the first, did you forget? Arizona had stayed over a few times before." Maggie blatantly replied, almost expecting as if Amelia knew, when she barely had any idea exactly what she meant. If she was referring to last night, it would have made more sense - but a few times before was the one that had been said, and one that lingered in her. A detail that sat uncomfortably on her chest, making it too difficult to think about anything else.

She didn't exactly know how to respond to that, and when she thought Maggie would take that as a sign to give her the full context, her eyebrows shot up as she shrugged - entirely changing the subject as she squared her shoulders. "Anyways, did you get that email from Chief Bailey about a meeting with a consultant she hired to help Richard with the residency program?"

Amelia hardly slept the night before and Arizona was partly responsible for that.

In her head, she kept thinking it was solely because of Maggie. Because Maggie said things that were foreign to her, and she knew her. Maggie was never one to make a mistake.

Even if Amelia hardly remembered anything about what she shared. Even if she found it hard to believe the detail she let out about Arizona, and how she had stayed a couple of nights over then.

She was not one to forget, hadn't she? Not if it was all she ever wanted from Arizona.

Then again, Amelia thought about Arizona, and how she had barely gotten anything out of her because they had never been friends, to begin with. They were merely just two ships passing by, and the closest encounter - was with Herman, and Amelia couldn't even fail to count when Derek died because she remembered that moment briefly when Arizona went out of her way to be with her, only for Amelia to push her away. So even if Maggie had never been wrong in her whole life, even if Maggie's memory was sharper than hers - Amelia still came to the conclusion that she still found it all hard to believe.

That didn't stop Amelia from wondering all night though.

And even as they made their way to the hospital the following day, it was all pretty much what she was thinking about. From the ride to the hospital, to the attendings' lounge - only one thing had remained consistent, and it was Amelia's thoughts about Arizona and Maggie's constant blabbering about the consultant Bailey hired that they were about to meet in a few minutes.

Amelia couldn't care less if she were being honest.

She wished she could skip the meeting if she could, then again what was her excuse? It was not like she was choosing to skip just so she could talk to Arizona.

Amelia dared to bet that the night before was their very last encounter. If she were being frank, she also didn't know how else she could face Arizona after she called her out when she never really had the right, to begin with. Not to mention, how else could she start a conversation with the person who literally friendzoned her? There was no workaround, there was no excuse - they were over.

At least that was her assumption when Meredith and Maggie went ahead, and she was the only one left changing into her scrubs at the attendings' lounge. How she was so occupied with her own thoughts that she wasn't aware that Arizona had already arrived from behind, and had her gaze transfixed at her bare back while she got dressed almost half the entire time as Amelia fixed her belongings. That when Amelia was done, and already had her hair tied up - she turned around and briefly met eyes with Arizona who hurriedly just left without another word.

If that was all they'd ever be in the next few weeks - Amelia didn't know how else she'd survive. But she made the call.

This was something she had to live with.