𝖍𝖊𝖆𝖑𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖞𝖔𝖚𝖗 𝖍𝖊𝖆𝖗𝖙

Being careful

Tw: talk of sh, mention of ed, negative self talk.

Steve pulled up to our house and I had just woken up and Eddie wasn't with us. I assumed Steve took him home.

Steve helped me out the van and we both went inside. We both got into my room and Steve sat me down sitting across him on the bed. "Y/n, I need to know if u have a stash of blades or anything like that anywhere", he didn't really expect me to answer him since he knows how stubborn I am sometimes. "No", I replied sharply while looking down. "Well, that's obviously a lie because I found these in your room", he said as he placed a box in front of me with blades inside.

I tried to grab them but he snatched them away. "Now I am graduating soon and you are still going to be in high school so Eddie is going to look after you and make sure you don't hurt yourself, and I've locked all the drawers with sharp objects in so you don't hurt yourself here", he stated.

"It's best you get some sleep, goodnight y/n", Steve said as he walked out my bedroom and shut the door behind him. I changed into pyjamas, turned off the light and drifted off to sleep.

I awakened from the light peeping through my blinds. I got up and put on the most normal looking outfit I could find. I brushed my teeth and went downstairs to eat breakfast. I was eating breakfast and was thinking about how my eating disorder had calmed down, but recently I have been feeling insecure since I put on weight because I was quite underweight from having a bad eating disorder.

I finished my food and went outside. I sat down in Steve's car and he started driving us both to school. The whole car drive Steve was singing along to music on the radio while I was thinking about if I should even eat anymore. What if I get fat, what if Steve thinks I'm ugly and fat, what if I don't fit into my clothes anymore, what if-, My thoughts were cut off from noticing we had arrived at school.

Me and Steve got out the car and started to head towards the school gates and I noticed Eddie was waiting for me. "Hi y/n! I need to keep and eye on you today, is that okay with you?", he asked politely. "Well, I'm sure Steve said you need to keep an eye on me anyway", I blurted out a fake giggle.

Today me and Eddie had pretty much all of our classes together today. The bell rang and me and Eddie headed to our first class together. We entered the classroom and managed to find a seat next to each other. "So today class! We will be-", my thoughts cut off from me hearing the teacher. And they were not good thoughts.

Eddie probably thinks I'm a crazy person, what if I eat to much today, what if Eddie thinks I'm overweight, what if I can't cut myself at all, what if Steve hates me, what if everyone thinks I'm an ugly pig. More of these thoughts kept invading my mind like a parasite that won't stop growling.

I needed to cut so badly. I was digging my nails into my arm, trying to get any pain to for a release from these awful thoughts. But it didn't work. These thoughts were growing and growing and I needed to cut, I needed to feel pain and watch blood run down my arm.

Eddie noticed me panicking. "Y/n, are you alright?", he asked with a worried look on his face. I didn't respond and just kept my eyes forward.

It felt like hours until the bell finally rang. I was gathering my stuff with shaky hands when one of the basketball team jocks grabbed my shoulder and spun me around. "Hay, you're the one who was in hospital, right?", he said in a teasing voice with a big stupid grin plastered on his face. "I bet they tried to kill themselves", another jock said behind the one who was speaking to me.

I pushed them aside and ran out of the classroom with my bag over my shoulder. I tried to get to my next class as quickly as possible by speed waking down the halls as Eddie followed behind, trying not to let anyone bother me again. I entered the classroom and sat down right at the back corner and Eddie took a seat next to me before anyone els could.

The next few hours felt like weeks and then the bell finally rang. Lunch time.

I didn't want to be seen by billy or those jocks so I ran inside the toilets and locked myself in a stall and just cried my eyes out. I wanted this to be over, I just wanted to be left alone and be happy for once, I wish I had a better life. I continued crying until someone came in. "Y/n are you okay?", Eddie asked with a sympathetic voice.

"NO IM NOT EDDIE! I JUST WANT THIS TO BE OVER. I WANT TO BE HAPPY BUT NO ONE LETS ME LIVE A NORMAL LIFE AND BILLY WONT STOP UNTIL HE FINDS ME. AND WHEN HE FINDS ME HE WILL ROCK MY SHIT SO NO, I AM NOT OKAY!", I shouted at the top of my lungs through the stall. "Y/n...if you like we can skip school and go to my trailer if you want", Eddie suggested for me. "Yes please, I need to get out of here", I pleaded.

I unlocked the stall door and stepped out and Eddie looked at me with worry and sympathy. He got some tissues and wiped my face and cleared up all the tears and tear stains. He walked me out the bathroom while holding my hand, which made me blush. And we managed to get into the car park without being seen since everyone was in classrooms.