"If I could love someone again, I swear to do my best this time." Saad ni Nikolai. He really tried his best, sana he will find someone who actually accepts him for who he is. Even if he isn't as expressive as the other guys.
Ilang minuto ang lumipas nang magkausap kami ni Nikolai at sa wakas, dumating na rin si Lucas sa cafe. "Looks like you're both getting along. Had to get my card at home, order na tayo?" Aya ni Lucas nang May ngiti habang nilalabas ang kanyang wallet.
"I can pay for myself. You should treat Nikolai instead." Banggit ko sa kanya habang inaabot ang pera ko. "Cafe Americano and you know my favorite, strawberry waffles." Utos ko kay Lucas.
"I can't possible take some cash from you come on. Keep it." I just glared at him. It's his choice naman. I'll get back to him soon anyways. "Oh. May I know what you and Nikolai talked about pala? If that's okay for me to know of course." Paalam nya bago sya umalis at umorder nang pagkain para sa aming tatlo.
"We talked about his first girlfriend...Aaand a few random things about life. You know, the usual." Paliwanag ko sa kanya at ngumiti, sabay tingin kay Nikolai. Our eyes met and it felt weird to be honest. What's this feeling? I can't seem to understand. "Ehem...So...are you going to order na or what? Gutom na ako!" Reklamo ko para hindi naman awkward masyado ang paligid after namin magkatitigan nang sandali.
"Oorder na nga, miss. You don't have to be so impatient about it." Biro ni Lucas bago sya umalis sa harap namin at pumunta sa counter
Napalingon naman agad ako muli kay Nikolai na nakatingin pa rin sa akin. "May dumi ba sa mukha ko?" Tanong ko sa kanya, kabado kasi baka mayroon na, Hindi nya lang masabi ka agad. "Are you...natutulala ka ba?"
"Oh uhm...I can't help but notice how pretty you are." Bolero. Agad ko naman syang inirapan dahil sa sinabi nya. People call me pretty pero ang gusto ko gwapo ang tingin nila sa akin. "I know you like girls but...I just can't help but compliment you. I respect your preferences, Xerena. Oh and I'm really sorry about yesterday. I know you suddenly got mad because of how I acted. I'm really like that and I know my mistakes. Hindi ko lang talaga marerealize until binanggit yon sa akin ni Lucas."
"I accept your apology. Just be more picky with your words. Padalos dalos ka kasi, it's kinda annoying at some point." At least honest ako sa nararamdaman ko with his actions. But there is something I can't seem to explain. Something my heart fails to understand everytime. Something about him tells me that...I need to help him understand. Pero pano ko magagawa yun kung ako mismo hindi maintindihan ang sarili ko. Emotions are very confusing, I want to understand it but I can't. "Eicelle...Maybe she just wasn't the right fit for you."
"I know that already. No need to say it again...I mean the next can always be better, and I can be the same for the next person." Pangako nya siguro yan sa sarili nya. He was nice, he sounded so sincere about what he is saying. "Don't look at me like that, or I'll melt." Asar nya pa sabay bigay nang isang nakakaasar na ngiti sa mukha nya. Nakakaasar mismo ang mukha nya.
I just brushed it off. Not like it should be something I need to be so concerned about.
I continued to wait on our seat while letting Nikolai talk a lot until I finally saw Lucas approaching us with our food and drinks. "You're finally back. Your brother is so annoying."
"But you seem to get along with him well." Lucas teased and laughed at the both of us. He knows me better than anyone else. "So...the three of us can hang out again next time on a different place. Not just Starbucks because it's starting to get boring. Ilang beses na tayo tumatambay dito, right, Xerena?" Nikolai's expression seem to change at that. What's his deal? I questioned myself but I tried to ignore it.
"Yeah. We hang out here often, after class. Ay, did I mention na ba? May bagong bukas na cafe sa labas nang school, maybe we should go check it out. Wanna come with us Nikolai?" Pagaaya ko sa kanya, after all, I didn't want him to feel out of place.
"No. I'm good." Sagot nya habang tinikman nya ang kanyang iced coffee.
I took out my laptop so I can focus on my assignment as well, typing the essay I was making, a short research actually. They can edit it naman mamaya when I send it there. It's about Van Gogh, well that was our chosen topic, his history, the meaning of his art and all that shit. Our research must be art related kasi. "So stressful..." pagrereklamo ko habang ginagawa ang aking research.
"What are you searching for?" Nikolai asked nang tumabi sya sa akin upang tingnan ang assignment na ginagawa ko ngayon. "Oh, Van Gogh? Isn't he a painter? You can use one of his paintings, an underrated one like At Eternity's Gate, it's a good sample." Wow. I never expected him to be interested in art. He started explaining a few things to me and that feeling made my heart slowly race for unknown reasons. "Did you follow?"
"Yes of course, Uhm...I did. Don't worry. No need to explain it twice." Pangiti kong sagot sa kanya when he suddenly tucked my hair behind my ears and wiped the corners of my lips. "May dumi ba-"
"Your lipstick smudged a little. When you drank your coffee I guess." Paliwanag nya sakin.
"Woah there, Nikolai. You're being smooth." Sambit ni Lucas.
"I can't just let a smudge ruin her entire looks." Puna ni Nikolai. May point din naman sya. Bakit masisira ang aking poging pagmumukha dahil sa isang lipstick smudge lang? Teka.
"Did you do it on purpose? I don't wear lipsticks at wala pa akong nakakahalikan na babae!" Reklamo ko at pagdadabog, Hindi parin ganoon ka lakas dahil alam kong nasa public place pa rin kami. Hindi naman ako ganoon ka walang hiya para sumigaw nang sobrang lakas na maririnig na kaagad nang iba. "Stupid Nikolai."
"You're cute when you're mad." Bulong ni Nikolai sa akin, along with that sweetest and stupidest smile that I've ever seen my entire life! I can't deny it, he was cute too I'll give him that pero I still prefer a relationship with the same sex than the opposite one. I'd do better as a boyfriend than a girlfriend.
I just know it.
"Pag kayo talaga nagkadevelopan dahil sa harutan nyo ewan ko na lang. Lalo ka na Xerena." Biro ni Lucas sa akin bago nya ubusin ang cheesecake na inorder nya para sa kaniyang sarili. Natawa na lang ako sa sinabi ni Lucas. There's no way in hell I'd fall for a guy...I still need to keep my emotions in check as a precaution. Mahirap maging straight, paalala ko sa aking sarili.
The day went on as usual, just the three of us having casual talks until the afternoon. Talking about books and of course, the thing the three of us like in common. Girls. "My type is someone talkative. Tahimik ako sa relationships but I want to be able to talk to someone or listen to their stories about their day or actually, about anything." Banggit ko sa kanila nang May ngiti, imagining a relationship with that future someone. Ah, to be in love.
"My type is someone like Eicelle. But...Not easily influenced by her friend's words." Banggit naman ni Nikolai na may halong ngiti na para bang inaalala nya ang kanyang relays on with Eicelle. "Eicelle was my...standard." Buong nya sa sarili nya. Maybe she was the perfect girl for him, if only she kept their problems only in their relationship with no one else involved.
