Sunflower

21

Beverly

Hands.

Hands are everywhere, touching everywhere. 

"Shhh, you're okay," The man says. "You're so beautiful." He says to himself, hands traveling farther down. 

Down

down

down.

"Stop shaking, it's hard for me to touch you when you shake like that," He latches his mouth onto my neck and I start crying.

I need to get out of here.

"Beverly, wake up," He says, his voice sounding different. "Bev, you gotta wake up, okay?"

His hand travels farther down, to the inside of my thighs.

"No, no no no no please-"

"Shut up, okay? Just let me do this," 

I shoot up, waking up in a sweat. I let it sink in for a second, but when I look at Finn's warm, brown concerned eyes, the tears overflow. 

Finn reaches for me immediately, I stop him with a reached out hand, and a shake of my head. "I'm sorry," I sob, being heartbroken that I can't stand being touched by him.

"Don't be sorry," He says immediately. He leans back in his chair softly, while I keep crying. 

I cry because I miss when Finn would hug me or kiss me, but now I can't stand when he does it. It makes me feel gross and sticky. 

That's the only way I can describe it. 

It's not Finn himself that makes me feel this way, it's the physical part of it. 

I'm bawling, and Finn can't do anything but watch. 

Finn looks down, and I see a tear fall down from his face. His face looks so sad and heartbroken, and it just makes me cry harder. 

If you just let him hold your hand, he wouldn't be sad.

So I offer him my hand, physically fighting myself to not hide it before he takes it. 

He looks at it, seeing how much it's shaking, and his lip quivers, more tears falling. "Beverly, I'll only take your hand if you want me to. If not, put it down," He says, his voice straining. 

I pause, trying to figure out what to do. 

If I put it down, then he'll know that I don't want to, I'm just doing it to make him feel better. But if I don't, then I'll be so uncomfortable instead of feeling comfort. And he'll know anyway. 

So I reluctantly put my hand back down. 

He inhales, trying not to let his disappointment show on his face. 

And the worst part is, is that I don't really feel...bad.

"You should go back to sleep," He whispers. I instantly shake my head, eyes widening in fear. "Okay, okay you don't have to," He comforts.