Your Morning Guru Coffee Shop AU

Chapter One: Savy & RK Visit Shrek & Donkey

The two of us, Savy & RK, are business partners and self-declared best friends.

We're both from real American big cities—Savy grew up in New York City, and RK was born in Los Angeles—but that's not where we met. We actually met in college when we were both studying to be doctors! But after medical school, we found ourselves wanting something more out of life than just working hard to get good grades and make lots of money.

So we decided to open a coffee shop together called Shrek's. It started off small, but it's been growing steadily over the years. Now it's our biggest source of income! And since we both love coffee so much (and coffee shops), this is perfect for us!

It's been quite a journey. In fact, we're both so busy with our jobs that we hardly have any time left over to spend together anymore. And Savy has been feeling like something's missing from her life. We don't get to see each other as often as we used to and she misses the intimacy of being in a relationship—especially since she doesn't have much time for dating!

She also feels like it's time to settle down and have a family. And since neither of us has any kids, we decided that we should adopt. We started looking into adoption agencies in our area and found one that seemed promising: Shrek's adoption agency! It was run by the owners of a coffee shop called Shrek's.

They had an excellent reputation, having helped hundreds of families adopt children over the years. And they were really friendly and easy to talk to, so we went ahead and made an appointment with them. When we went in for our first meeting, we learned that Shrek's was run by two men: Shrek and Donkey. They were both husky men who looked like they spent a lot of time working out at the gym.

They were both wearing tank tops, which showed off their muscular chests. Shrek was bald, but Donkey had a thick head of hair that looked like it had been styled by an expensive stylist. They were both wearing sunglasses, even though we were inside, and they each had a gold chain around their necks with big medallions hanging from them.

Shrek was the one who talked to us, but Donkey stayed in the background and listened. He was pretty quiet, which made sense because he was a donkey. Shrek said that they had been doing bodybuilding competitions for years and they knew what it took to build muscle fast. They told us that they could help us get buff in just two weeks if we followed their diet plan and worked out at least six hours per day with them at their gym.

We were skeptical, but Shrek and Donkey promised that it would work and that if we didn't see results by the end of two weeks, they would give us all our money back. They told us that they had a special program for people who wanted to get big fast but didn't have time to spend hours working out at the gym every day. They said it was called "Muscle in a Can" because it came in a can like spray paint or hair spray.

They told us that this magic spray could make our muscles grow overnight, which sounded too good to be true. We were skeptical, but we figured it was worth a try since Shrek and Donkey were so confident about their product.

They told us that the spray was made from a special formula of amino acids, vitamins, and minerals that would be absorbed by our skin and delivered directly to our muscles. They said it was safe and effective for everyone, even children.

But it was expensive, and we didn't have any money. So we decided to try and make our own version of Muscle in a Can at home. We went to the store and bought all the ingredients on the label - creatine monohydrate, BCAAs, amino acids, vitamin D3, caffeine anhydrous powder (whatever that is), etc.

Then we mixed them together in a spray bottle and sprayed it all over ourselves like the commercial said. We were so excited! It was working! Our muscles were growing bigger and stronger by the second. But then something terrible happened...

We started growing hair on our faces and backs. We looked in the mirror and saw that we had become women (Savy was already a woman but she had facial hair now)! And not just any women: we were pregnant with babies!

We had become pregnant with babies! And not just any babies: they were aliens, mutants and monsters. They were horrible creatures that would terrify anyone who saw them. We screamed in horror as our bodies expanded to accommodate these hideous children growing inside of us.

And then the babies were born. They were hideous: they had huge heads, giant eyes and mouths full of razor-sharp teeth. Their arms were long and thin but ended in brutally sharp claws and their legs were like a centipede's with many joints that allowed them to move quickly.

They were monsters! The most horrifying creatures on earth! And they were ours. We had created them and now they were here to stay.

The babies were hungry. They needed to eat. But we didn't know what they ate or how we might find them food. We tried feeding them some of our friends but that just made the babies sick. So then we tried feeding them other things, like rocks and dirt, but nothing seemed to work. All we could do was wait for someone else to come along so that we could ask for help.

The first thing we did was to take the babies out of their cage and put them into the yard. It wasn't that hard to do because they were so small and weak. We thought they would be happy outside in the sunshine, but they weren't. They just sat there on top of each other looking very sad.

There wasn't much we could do to make them feel better. We tried taking them into the house and putting them on the couch, but they didn't like that either. After watching them for a while, we decided that we had better leave them alone since they were probably too young to understand what was happening around them.

We decided to send the kids to Monster Preschool and we went back to work at the coffee shop. When we came home from work that night, the kids were still at Monster Preschool. We were very surprised because they usually come home by four o'clock. We asked them why they were still there and they said that their teacher wouldn't let them leave until they had finished making a model of a monster out of clay. We didn't understand why this was important, but we let the kids stay. When they finally came home that night, their teacher was with them. She explained that she had been watching us at work all day and noticed how unhappy we were. She said that she thought Monster Preschool could help us with our problems. We were very surprised. We never thought that Monster Preschool would be able to help us with anything other than teaching our kids how to read and write. But we decided to give it a try. Our first meeting was on Monday night, and we had a wonderful time! The teacher explained that she would be helping us get rid of all the things in our life that made us unhappy. She said that once we had done this, then life would be perfect.

The next day, the teacher called us into her office and told us that she had decided to help us get rid of our problems by throwing them in a big box and burning it. We thought this was a good idea, so we set up the box outside in our back yard. The first thing we threw into it were all the bills we owed. Then we added all the things that were making us unhappy: traffic jams, telemarketers, allergies, etc.

We had a great time throwing things into the box, until we ran out of things to throw away. It was then that we realized that there was nothing left in our life.