A baseball player wakes up in a cold and unfamiliar room
Clem: Hey, you. You're finally awake. You were trying to cross the border, right? Walked right into that New Frontier ambush, same as us.
???: uh.. Us?
Kenny: yeah dipshit, US! What, you blind? I've got one fucking eye and I can see better than you! OPEN YOUR EEEEEYES!
???: What the heck is going on?
Kenny: YOU THE FUCK TELL ME!!
Clem: Kenny, Calm down. Blood pressure, remember?
Kenny: Okay, Clementine. I'm just mad they took Alvie and locked us in this slaughterhouse.
???: SLAUGHTERHOUSE?
Kenny: Oh, not only are you blind but you're also fucking deaf. Do I need to repeat myself AFUCKINGGAIN? Ye's wer in a god dam'n slaughterhouse!
???: Okay.
Clem: We need to leave!
Kenny: not before making sure they didn't lock Alvie in here somewhere!
Clem: New frontier is a baby cannibal society, Kenny. They wouldn't just let a fresh baby get eaten by walkers.
???: these guys are baby cannibals!?? Is that a goddamn thing!!?? I just wanna go home!
Kenny: Whats your name?
Javier: It's Javier
Kenny: Too long. Gimme a shorter name
Javier: you can call me Javi if you like
Kenny: Javi it is
Clem: Nice to meet you, Javi.
Javi: really?
Clem: no.
Guard: SHUT THE FUCK UP IN THERE! WE'RE TRYING TO EAT BABIES!
Javi: You eat babies!
Guard: yeah they're fucking delicious. And no don't even ask, I'm not gonna share with you. Just shut up so we can eat our babies in peace
Clem: Is the one you're eating right now named AJ?
Guard: Does it look like I know the names of the babies we eat? We just eat the babies, I don't like knowing their names. Almost makes it hard to eat them. Inhumane somehow
Kenny: IS THE BABY BLACK?
Guard: woah, jeez. Hell no. We're not racists, we only eat white babies.
Clem: where do you keep your BOC (babies of colour)?
Guard: Oh up in the BOC (babies of colour) room. Though no one cares for or feeds them so they might end up eating each other. Which would be pretty funny since this whole group runs on eating babies.
Kenny: you've been really helpful
Guard: oh no problem at all man.
Kenny: say, that's a fancy pistol
Guard: oh thanks man. David gave it to me after my first baby eating
Javi: huh?
Kenny: May I inspect it?
Guard: sure just don't grease it up or anything ha ha ha. Joking, you don't have any baby grease on your fingers since you guys don't eat babies yet. And you've been locked in the slaughterhouse so you wouldn't have been part of the nightly baby feastiviti-
Kenny shoots the guy in the face
Javi: woah woah woah! What the actual heck man?! You just shot him!
Kenny: he eats babies
Javi: only white babies!
Kenny: Oh, so white babies are the only oppressed ones AGAIN. You know, all this shit makes me really think us caucasian folks should start a movement. White li-
Clem: Kenny.
Kenny: yeah clementine?
Clem: You told me to tell you when you're being racist.
Kenny: How am I being racist? IT'S ABOUT WHAT'S FAIR!
Clem: let's just go find AJ
YOU ARE READING
THE WALKING NEW FRONTIER: A SERIOUS KENNY ON SERIOUS SLAUGHTERHOUSE
FanfictionThe prequel to the hit emmy award nominated story THE WALKING KENNY, it shows Clementine's adventures in The New Frontier if Kenny never died. Some other things are changed as well. Be warned: its extremely emotional.
