𝐇𝐀𝐋𝐅 𝐀 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓, jeremiah fisher

fourteen. stay stay stay

jeremiah's pov

I'M GOING FUCKING insane.

I want to bang my head against the wall several times to see if that shakes me up enough to fucking man up and tell Danielle that I meant what I said the night we kissed. I want her to know that I still care about her and I think about her all the time.

What she did two summers ago hurt like hell. I act as if I'm more angry at her than sad about what happened, but in reality, I just want to forgive her. I just want things to go back to the way things used to be. I want my best friend back, my comfort person.

But she makes it so hard.

One second I think she wants the same thing and the next she pushes me away and acts indifferent. I used to be able to know what she's thinking with a single glance; now, I'm struggling to meet her eyes.

And that kiss... I don't know what got into me. I don't know why I kissed her like that and why it made my heart race because Belly's the one I have feelings for. I've never liked Danielle in that way—we've only ever been friends. And yet, that fucking kiss has been replaying through my head for days on end now. It's been over a week since the party.

I wanted to clear things up between us the day after the party, but I couldn't bring myself to say anything to her. I didn't want to tell her that it meant nothing because it didn't mean nothing. At least, not to me. It's driving me insane thinking about it. About her.

Her beautiful eyes, the way they literally light up whenever someone so much as mentions Taylor Swift. Her long, dark hair that's always tied up, but makes her look heavenly on the rare occasions she lets it down. Her red, full lips glaring at me with an intensity that's almost too much to bear. The fucking hickey I left on her neck is burned into my mind, and I feel breathless every time I think about it.

Shit, why did I kiss her?

I'm not even sure whether or not I regret it.

That's not true.

I don't regret it.

I wish I could say I didn't feel anything when I kissed her, but I can't. It would be a lie. Being with her is different than being around Belly. Around Belly, I feel as if I always have to impress her or say all the right things. I'm constantly aware of the things that come out of my mouth and of how I'm acting.

Being around Dani isn't like that.

Being around her makes me feel warm and safe. Just her presence alone can calm me in the blink of an eye. Her slightest touch makes me light-headed but in the nostalgic kind of way. As if you're in your mid-forties and listening to the band you and your friends would dance to in the car when you were teenagers. There's this comfort in her soft gaze, an intensity that can either drown you or lift you from the deep waves of self-loathing.

She's different from Belly because she is intoxicating.

And I care about her a lot more than I would like to admit.

After the day I found Danielle having a panic attack, I freaked out. She hasn't had one in a while—one that I'm aware of anyway—and I'm worried now about them coming back. I know how they were before when she was dating that pathetic excuse of a human. He treated her like dirt under his shoe, and it makes me so fucking mad.

Danielle is the purest and most precious person to exist and for someone to take her for granted and act as if they're above her doesn't sit well with me. I know she's been through a lot after Dean, and I know I don't make anything better by arguing with her. It's just that I can't stop.