Run and Catch

Chapter 14

Two years and 9.5 months later . . .

These lyrics were amazing . . . and so familiar. It was the rock and roll version of a comfortable old blanket.

He looked so happy.

The crowd absolutely adored all of them.

And it was all way too much.

I turned toward Lexi and Sam, who thought they had dragged me here, and told them that I had to use the bathroom. They were too busy jamming and screaming to do anything but nod so I pushed off through the masses of crazy fan girls.

This had not been one of my most well thought out decisions - to buy tickets to attend a LiveSOS concert.

Frickin' SOS... sauce crap, I thought to myself. They'd become a fad. People thought they were another boy band. And I was beyond happy for them. I wanted to make fun of them endlessly, but I was happy for them.

The happiness made me sick to my stomach. I had no right to be happy for them. The happiness was soured in my stomach as it mixed with the memories of sadness and the regret.

The November after that summer I'd left...they'd been discovered and released their first single - Out of My Limit. Even numb and broken as I'd been, it had only taken a few weeks for me to break down and listen to it.

It had been so long now...so long since I'd seen him, any of them.

There was a large part of me that really believed coming along, being convinced to come along had been a big mistake. I wasn't ready to see him, see any of them in person.

But another part of me was more excited than that crowd of crazed teenage girls could ever be.

He really did it...I am so proud of him - of them, I thought. And genuinely I was so proud and excited to see them touring and giving concerts to people of their released and widely popular album!

Still, it was overwhelming and hurtful to be near him after so long. I hated myself for putting him through that, even for his own good. I hated what it felt like to have him absent from my life for two full years.

And nine months, I thought, and a few weeks. I knew it was obsessive to know nearly exactly how much time had passed since I'd seen him, since he'd sent his last letter - one year, four months, three days give or take a day or two.

It wasn't that I was consciously keeping track of these things, but I knew. Every day I marked over that next box on my calendar, I was keeping some subconscious tally.

And I had other things to keep track of for the record!

My life wasn't all doom and gloom any longer. For the most part, I had gotten my life back to a semblance of happiness.

I worked at the music shop every day, I gave lessons in lots of different instruments and I was commuting to Cornell on a full scholarship studying Global Communications and Economics. At the moment, I was treating it like pre law and was working on a Criminal Justice minor.

None of it made me feel less empty...but it kept me busy enough to almost be able to ignore it.

We'd gotten out for a late spring break after Easter just a day ago.

A few of the girls I hung out with were taking advantage of the break to travel to NYC for this concert. I'd say that it took lots of convincing from them to get me to come, but it hadn't. Even when I had a test that kept me there a day after they left, I found myself saying I would drive out to meet them.