Lucifer

41. Just Confused

I guess I should be blamed for this one. The first time I wasn't thinking straight. This time I'm the one who seduced him.

Should I be ashamed of myself? I don't know how to feel about this. I should've never seduced him. What is wrong with me? I should've thought about how I would feel afterwards.

This man makes me so horny even just thinking about him.

I think he truly cares about me. Seeing for myself the things he's doing for me is making my feelings for him even stronger. I don't know if it's going to be easy to get rid of the feelings I have for him.

I silently walk over to where my clothes are. I take them up putting them on. Despite of the fact that we enjoyed what just happened, what will he think of me?

Should I really be thinking about this right now?

I'm also still fretful because I don't know his HIV status. I need to ask him for it. I'm not accusing him of anything, but I need this uncomfortable feeling to fade. He said he's clean and I need to know that for sure.

I put my clothes on. I haven't looked at him once since we finished. I hear the jingling of his belt and soon after the sound of his zipper.

After putting on my clothes, I take my phone from the desk checking the time. It's a little pass working hours, which means everyone should be going home now.

There are a few persons who checks in with him before they leave. He needs to get out of here before that happens.

Damn it!

There's a knock on the main door. Just as I thought about it. I'm so lucky. But they know not to ever enter his office without permission, so everything should be alright.

I really hope so.

I look at him. I get a little nervous, because it seems like he's been looking at me long before I looked at him. The moment I set eyes on him he's already looking at me. I don't get it, this minute I'm the bravest person around him and the next minute I'm as shy as a virgin.

I laugh to myself thinking of that last word. It's still feels weird that I'm not a virgin anymore, and that he took it.

Does he know that he looks very sexy when he puts his hand in his pockets? That's what he's doing now. It seems like it's just a habit.

A sexy habit.

Does he feel strange that he took my virginity? Had he ever taken another woman's virginity before?

No Christina stop!

Just stop it!

That's not your business because if that question has a YES on it jealousy is going to weigh down on you.

Yes I should stop thinking about this.

The person knocks again.

"Mr Morningstar. Are you in?" I faintly hear someone say.

He walks off just when I'm about ask if he's not going to go out there and answer the person. I really don't want anyone to see us like this.

He walks pass me without saying word. I look at him unlocking the door. He walks out and still didn't look at me.

Why do I feel like this? Why do I feel so disappointed? Shouldn't he have said something to me?

I try to ignore this uncomfortable feeling and start getting my things together. I'm going to need him to take me to my brother. We have a lot to discuss.

I'm really starting to hate the idea of not having my own car. I know that I am an independent lady, but I feel so... dependent. I should have my own business instead of working for Lucifer. I'm well capable of owning a business.