♥ I Never Thought I'd Love You ♥

~Chapter 8: There's Nothing Left to Live For

~Chapter 8: There’s Nothing Left to Live For

            I heard Niall sigh. Just when I thought I found another person who couldn’t put up with me, he quietly asked, “What happened?”

            I winced, the pain in my wrists spreading. “N-nothing.”

            “You’re a terrible liar. The evidence is right there.” Niall stood up. “Wait here. Don’t you move from that spot at ALL.”

            I watched as Niall ran back into the giant house. I looked at my wrists, watching the blood drip down. Why does this stranger care for me so much? I thought. Most people would just walk away… Why him? The flashback of the scene where my mother got shot repeated in my mind. I gripped the sides of my head, trying to push it away. “Please…,” I moaned. “Stop… No more… Enough… Please…”

            “Cordelia!” I looked up. Niall had returned with bandages. He took a look at my wrists and shook his head. He kneeled down in front of me, cleaned the cuts, and took my forearm and wrapped the bandages around it tenderly. They were immediately stained red but were then covered up by another layer. The bleeding seemed to stop after a bit. “There.” Niall stood up.

           I looked away from him. “Thank you.” I stood up and got ready to go back inside. I walked straight past him, but he held onto my arm, barely missing my cuts. I stopped walking.

            “I’m sorry, but we’re not finished yet.” Niall pulled me back into his sight. He took my arm softly and raised it up to his lips. Surprisingly, he pressed his lips to my cuts and kissed them one by one. I was in shock the whole time he was doing it. When he finished, Niall looked at me. His eyes seemed to tremble as he whispered, “Please, don’t do it anymore, Cordelia.”

~~~~

            I sat in my room, alone, thinking about what had just happened. I looked at my arm. I wanted to rip the bandages off and cut some more, but instead, I stroked them softly. My fingers trembled and shook as I closed them into fists. Hot tears streamed down my face as I thought of Niall’s expression when he asked me to stop. I didn’t know why I cried. I felt like it would’ve been the same expression my mother would have, if she was still alive and found out I was cutting. “I’m sorry, Mum,” I said, sobbing. “I’m so sorry. I miss you so much. When you left me alone, everything was lost. I don’t know what to do. And now I’m hurting myself because of it.” I sniffed. “I can’t love anyone because I’m scared I’ll just get hurt more, but it’s so lonely. No one’s here to teach me, no one’s here for me. I never know when or how to make my choices,” I sobbed softly. “I’m so sorry…”

            And, just like that, for the first time in 13 years, someone had made me feel guilty about something.

~~~~

            I locked myself in the room Adriana gave me and cried for hours until I heard knocking on my door. I wiped my tears away slowly and opened the door. I saw Adriana and the boys standing there. “You’ve been gone for so long, we HAD to see what was happening to you,” Adriana replied softly. “Niall wanted to.”

            I hid my arms behind me and stayed silent. “I’m sorry,” I said quietly, close to a whisper. I glanced at Niall, who was watching me intently. I looked away, not knowing what to say.

           “Cordelia, I think you should… tell us what happened.” I pretended not to know what she was talking about. “It’s okay, Cordelia. You’re not the only one… remember?”

            A tear worked its way down my face. I closed my eyes and sighed. It was time to face my past.

~~~~

            My story started from the very beginning. About how I had never met my father. About Dylan. About how he abused me. About how he neglected me. About how my mother was shot. About how I was bullied. About how I was different. About how nobody understood me. “I don’t think anyone will ever understand. Even if you’ve been depressed before or even if your heart’s been broken before, everyone’s pain is different.” I felt so small and alone in the room. “When my mother was shot, it felt like my world fell to pieces. I don’t even know why I made it through until now. There’s nothing left to live for.” I stood up. “At least for me.”

            Everyone was staring at me, shocked by my dark childhood. Even Adriana’s story was barely anything compared to mine. “I… I’m so sorry, Cordelia…,” I heard Adriana reply.

            “It’s fine, Adriana,” I replied coldly. “Once you’ve been hurt, you know what it is to hate.” I put my arms around myself, feeling cold all of a sudden. “And that’s why, I promised myself I’d never love anyone ever again. That’s why I shut everyone out. For the sake of getting hurt anymore. Because I’m done.” I took one last look at everyone and left the room.