Chapter Ten
I awoke very suddenly for the carriage wheels were jolting underneath me along the gravelly road. I shifted up a little in my seat and felt my hair and face. My hair was matted and knotted and my face felt crusty and dry from tears. I imagined that if Frederick were to see me like this, he would shun himself from me and never look into my eyes again.
I turned to look outside and was not surprised to see the same beautiful moors with the flowers swaying in the cold, English breeze. I remembered the days Jane and I ran through these moors, searching for little woodland creatures and berries. Oh how much I missed those lovely, calm days. As I was busy gazing out the window, the carriage gently began to pull into court and a slight wave of nervous nausea came over me. I was not in the best condition to be observed by the King and I feared that my state of health would fright my sister so. I did not want to even imagine the pitiful looks people would most likely give me every time I walked by. I did not want people feeling sorry for me. It would only make this terrible feeling of loss worse. I just wanted to crawl into a warm down bed and sleep away the misery.
Moments later, the carriage halted and the man who helped me earlier opened the door for me and offered me his hand. I looked at him suprisedly, as I thought I couldn't quite possibly have the strength yet to stand. Nevertheless, I gathered my cloak together, wrapping it around me tightly and proceeded to step out of the carriage with as much dignity as I could muster. As soon as my feet felt the ground, my knees gave way and I was glad that the man beside me was there for support. I found myself correct that I was still very weak. Again, I was treated like a child- much to my embarrassment, and was lifted into the arms of the kindly gentleman who had carried me. I covered my face in my hands, trying to hide myself from the world.
I was expecting to be carried through the secret door at the back of the manor so as not to cause a stir but much to my surprise, I was taken to the front of the manor and into the grand hall where Jane and the king would be sat in their thrones. The gentleman carrying me nodded to the guards at the hall doors and the great wooden gateway was opened to reveal the beautiful grand hall, golden in the sunlight that was shining through the windows. A red carpet lead from where I was being held, procceding up to the royal thrones. The king was sat in his throne beside Jane, observing me with a curious eye. He looked at Jane alarmed, questioning her with his eyes as to why a stranger was being carried towards them. I did not think he recognised me. I was brought forward and suddenly as if he was a blind man able to see again, his face dropped in surprise. I could see many emotions bubbling up inside him- anger and curiosity most of all. I could of said the same for Jane as her face was of pure beauty but the emotion in her eyes was as readable as a book.
It wasn't until the King addressed the gentleman holding me that I realised I was in the arms of a legal-man, or as you would say, a man of the law.
"Mr Reeds, please explain what all of this is" the king almost whispered, anger rising up in him. "Why is my dearest friend Elizabeth wrapped up in a cloak, pale as death and in your arms? Why?"
Carefully, Mr Reeds set me down steadying me against his chest.
"I'll explain shall I?" he replied with cool resentment. " Well, firstly your majesty, I am sorry to say this but you would have known about this if you would have kept her in your court for longer with her husband. She is only young and yet your majesty, you thrust on her a life of confinement. She is not to have freedom of life with her husband but to live inside the walls of a manor."
The king rose angrily from his throne. Jane sat back, her hands going white as she clenched the sides of the throne, staring at me.
"How do you know such information Reeds?" the king asked abruptly.
"I have my ways your majesty" Mr Reeds whispered. "But, I hate to say, this young woman has suffered a miscarriage. A still born baby." At this, Jane gasped and even from far away, I noticed a tear trickle down her cheek. The king shook with horror. The Mr Reeds looked disgusted himself. "So now, you leave me no choice but to return her to court your majesty, no matter how others might speak or whisper. She is to stay with you so she can recover, but also until the right age, understandably." The king nodded, closing his eyes in thought. He gestured for Reeds to proceed. "One more thing, she is too young to marry and must be separated from her husband also. Seperated for at least three or even four years. I am sorry to stress the truth your majesty but law is law here. Do you not agree?"
The king looked so very stunned- "But Reeds!" he exclaimed. "Of course she's allowed to marry! It's a law!"
Mr Reeds shook his head, "not any more your majesty, if you allow me to be so bold. But I will not allow it any longer. I am abolishing this law, whether you give me permission or not".
I knew that because Mr Reeds was one of the king's closest friends, that it was fine to say what he was saying. Mr Reeds always managed to skirt his way around the king and now he had every reason to abolish the law of young matrimony.
The king paced slightly, turning towards the window. After a few moments, he turned to us and nodded slowly. "It is to be done" he agreed. "The kingdom think I am selfish enough as it is. Let me do something right".
Mr Reeds nodded in reply, a satisfied look on his face. His majesty walked silently to his throne and glanced down at Jane who was still staring at me, her eyes wide with worry. Weakly, I turned to Mr Reeds, pivoting in his arms.
"You mean, that I am not to continue my marriage?" I whispered to him, my voice croaky and dismal. "Do you really wish to separate me from the one true love I have... to inflict pain on me? Do you really wish to fill me up with so much grief that I may beg to retire to my grave?" I glared into Mr Reeds' eyes defiantly. He was silent, he would not meet my gaze. I looked back at the king and he was solemn, sitting silently with Jane's hand wrapped around his and glancing out of the window. For a moment, the anger building inside me helped me to gather strength and so, I pushed him away.
"Well if I cannot have no love, I wish you no love either" I declared, with fury in my eyes. "I do not care what law is and how you state what I should do in life". I turned to the King, "I do not care for law your majesty. So now I wish to die. I wish to die and never rise, to always lay in a grave with the peace of death and the knowledge that no law can push me or pull me", then to make my final point, I screamed, "I wish to DIE!" . Mr Reeds advanced towards me to take me away. Still standing, I refused with my eyes, viciously glaring into his. He backed away slowly. The king and Jane were horrified, it was clear. The point remained however that they were still listening to me.
"I will leave then" I stated, throwing my arms up in despair. "Do what you will and I will let the King do the right thing for England. God save the king! God save my unborn baby!" I whimpered. My knees gave way yet again and I dropped to the ground in the middle of the hall. I sobbed until I felt as if I was swimming in tears, wave over wave of grief filling up my body. Loss of my child, loss of my husband, loss of my independence. So why should it not be completed as loss of life? I could hear Mr Reeds walking away and when his footsteps had faded , I felt a gush of air and the hurry of Jane's footsteps approaching me. She knelt down beside me and took me in her arms. She felt my forehead and read my face intently.
'Is it true sister? Is it a child no more?" she whispered in anguish. I nodded solemnly and silent tears dripped down my face onto the floor. She gasped in shock and hugged me to her tightly. The king also approached my side and took my hand in his. Pulling me carefully to my weak feet, he held both my arms in his.
"You shall stay now" he said quietly, his voice cracking slightly. "I will call upon your husband to come here but you must stay. My dear, law IS law, we must abide it since I am king and I follow my own laws-" I interrupted him." But you didn't make that law! You let Mr Reeds dictate you..." I realised my place and shut my mouth with such force, I bit my tongue.
"I am sorry my child but...Mr Reeds is correct." the king replied without anger, but with simple sadness at my devastation. "You may bid your husband farewell when he arrives but after, you may not make contact till your age is right."
I bent my head in shame and taking Jane's hand, I willed her to pull me back to my feet and lead me back to my old chambers. Jane looked back over her shoulder with despair at the king and nodded to him silently, confirming that she could care for me from here. The king sat back in his throne and focused his gaze outside of the large windows once again, deep in thought.
When I arrived in my chambers, Jane called upon her very own ladies-in-waiting and made them change me into my day dress. They did so without a word or a whisper but I knew there would be talk later that evening about the blood and sweat in my nightdress and the emptiness in my eyes . Jane led me to my window and sat me down in a chair that had been placed there. She collected my hair into a soft bun with small tendrils hanging down at the sides of my face. Afterwards, she kissed my head and left the room. I stared and stared out of the window, recollecting all the memories of my childhood and in meeting Frederick. That is a fine hawk you have there Frederick....Our love was meant to be Elizabeth, remember that.
