clementine // joshler

37

josh's point of view

i don't know why i agreed to help with the dance committee.

sitting in the meeting, everyone is suggesting all these creative ideas. i got nothing.

i feel bad that i can't contribute more to this part, but i'll be of much more help when it comes to setting everything up.

when i get home, it's already five. it's probably too early for dinner, but i'm starving, so i opt to go ahead and start cooking anyway.

when the food is almost done, i take out my phone and decide to text tyler. i haven't seen him outside of school in the past few days and i... miss him. i can't even bring myself to make up an excuse.

josh: hey, do you wanna come over for dinner? no worries if you already have plans.

tyler: i'd love to! be over in a sec :)

josh: door is unlocked for you, you can just come in

i put my phone down and finish up the food. he walks in a just a minute or two later, closing the door behind him.

"i always feel weird just walking into people's houses," he says, smiling a little. he adds, "thanks for inviting me over."

"don't thank me. come make yourself a plate," i say, holding one out to him.

we both make our plates at the same time, which means we're standing pretty close to each other. being in close proximity with him always makes me feel slightly nervous. i'm always worried i'll mess something up, take something too far.

i grab us both bottles of water and we sit at the table.

"so, how have you been?" he asks.

"alright. i signed up for the dance committee. are you planning on going..?"

he hesitates before answering, which makes my stomach turn.

"um, i don't know. sydney mentioned that guy i had talked to for a little bit. she said he was thinking about asking me," he says.

oh.

does this mean i've read everything completely wrong? did i do something? what am i supposed to do with this information?

"well, i mean, that's... is that a good thing?" i ask, hoping the disappointment and confusion aren't too evident in my tone.

"i dunno really. we don't want the same things, and i feel like none of the kids in my grade... get me, you know? i'm already a step ahead of them in life. but, both of my friends have dates and i want to go too, just not alone." he shrugs a little, not looking up from his food.

"you could go with him just as friends. or, um, whatever would make you happy. it's not my place to tell you what to do or anything. i know it kinda sucks to be a third wheel though. i spend a lot of time with hayley and taylor so i'm used to it at this point," i ramble a little, feeling incredibly awkward now.

i'm not really sure what i'm supposed to think or say here, but i know it would kill me to see him at the dance with someone else, whether i have the right to feel that way or not. i'll be there as a chaperone. i'll be forced to watch him laugh and flirt and dance with this person.

i see his face change, a look i can't distinguish painting his features. i must've said something wrong though, because whatever the expression is, i know he's some form of upset.

"yeah. maybe i will," he mumbles, taking another bite of his food.

we eat in a more tense silence than usual and when we're finished, i walk him to the door.