By My Side - Sam/Aomaris Fanfiction

48) Blame

As the light around us slowly faded, I found myself standing in the centre of the war room, surrounded by the incubi, their partners and the rebel leaders. All of them were staring at us, wide-eyed. Diana, however, stepped forward and clapped slowly.
"Well done, you two." She said softly. Ronnie suddenly glared at her.
"Wait, you knew where they were?" He exclaimed.
"She told us they were gone. She didn't say she didn't know where." Mika chimed in. Iridessa frowned as Twila sighed in relief.
"Listen, that's rude..." Iridessa muttered.
"At least they're safe now!" Twila said. James stepped towards Sam, peering at him curiously. My incubus didn't look any different since his eyes had returned to normal, but I was willing to bet his aura was different now. However, he seemed to shake it off and repeated Twila's words. The other incubi made varying comments about how we were safe and Sam smiled, grateful for the love of his brothers.
"Yeah. Were alright now."

Diana broke in, sounding tired and a tiny bit impatient.
"Well, I hate to break up this little reunion, but we have a battle to fight tomorrow. We should rest." I nodded, squeezing Sam's hand as we began to follow everyone else out of the room.
"Sam. A moment please." Looking confused, Sam nodded and we stopped but Diana turned to me.
"Alone." I stared at her, about to vehemently object but Sam just chuckled at my expression and gave me a gentle shove towards the door.
"I'll be fine, doofus." I groaned and glared at Diana as if daring her to try something, then left the room, knowing I didn't really have a choice.

I stepped outside and hid around the corner. I wasn't just going to let them be alone together. I was glad Sam couldn't hear my thoughts like Damien could.
"So, you got me alone. What do you want?" Sam sounded both irritated at Diana's request but also rather intrigued as to why she requested it at all.
"Tomorrow is the day we head out to fight him. We've been fighting for twenty-five years and it will finally end."
"You're stalling," Sam stated. "What is it?" I heard Diana sigh and peeked inside the room to see her turn away from Sam, looking down.
"Do you know how many lives have been lost in this war?" She asked. My brows furrowed, as did Sam's.
"Hundreds. Thousands." Sam uttered, glaring at the back of Diana's head.
"Nine and a half million lives." Diana snapped.

I froze. That many?! How many demons were in the Abyssal Plains?!
"I had to send off and watch almost nine and a half million soldiers marching to their deaths. This world lost that many lives and had to take their blood and ashes into its soil as the battles we fought ended. The Demon Lord, however, ravaged and slaughtered thousands of innocent lives in between, sending more people to their deaths simply because they were in his way."
"Why are you telling me this?" Sam asked her cautiously. My heart started beating harder as my fear for Sam increased. Rabbit's words from earlier played in my mind as I watched Diana carefully. Whether Diana was being severely affected by stress or not, there was no way this conversation would end well for Sam. A sudden mental image of the Demon Lord strangling Sam in the air flashed before my eyes and I unwillingly pictured Diana doing the exact same thing.

"All of those lives could have been spared," Diana said flatly. "All of those soldiers could have lived, could have been leading normal lives. Instead, it was ripped away from them. And it's all because of you, your brothers, and that human." Sam froze, as did I. The more I thought about it, however, the more I realised she was right. The incubi had refused to return to the demon world, even knowing the consequences of staying. Sam chose to stay by my side and leave the Abyssal Plains behind. Because he fell in love with me. My mind suddenly brought back memories of a girl I hadn't thought about for years.

Emily...
She died because she got too close to me. I'd tried my hardest to stay away from Sam, banishing my feelings into the pit of my stomach, but he'd pulled my love out from the dark recesses of my fractured heart and given me his own. For five years, I'd believed that Sam and I were going to be okay. That nobody would be hurt because we were together. I was wrong. Our love had cost the lives of nine and a half million demons and it would cost more. People who had their own families, friends, lovers... People who wouldn't have wanted to be ripped away from their loved ones but I had forced them to be anyway. Astronomical guilt pushed down on me suddenly, as if someone had rested ten-tonne weights on my shoulders. It wasn't like I didn't know, either.
"If war breaks out in the Abyssal Plains, just know that it is your fault..."
I felt sick. I had murdered nine and a half million people. Along with the thousand that were killed just to trap me here.