The Montelier Bride

Chapter 13: Don't Forget Who You Are

"BLARRGH! Blechh!" Ah, ito na naman. Heto na naman tayo.

I gritted my teeth, hoping it would serve as a gate to keep anything from leaking... from spilling. I clasped my hands onto the white sink, wishing my endurance was enough to suppress my physical pain. For a few times, I'd raise my head to the high ceiling, praying it would just stop and end. Please.

Pero hindi. Ang bibig kong kay dalang kong buksan, bumulwak ang sankaterbang dugo mula rito. Nakapandaraya ang pakiramdam sa tuwing napapatingin ako sa salamin at makikita ang sarili kong maluha-luha at may bahid ng dugo sa leeg at mga pisngi. 'Pagkat sa karamihan, maaaring idaan sa mura ang sakit, samantalang ang isang hiyaw mula sa 'kin ay makakapanakit pa nang higit.

"Quinzel, the Queen of the Hunt is one of the three-part Underground's Queen Quests. Many will ask for your assistance to make them win, to achieve the glory it offers, and to earn the prize that will make men kneel."

Suddenly, the same breathy sinister voice that reminded me of the pending danger in Caesar's life rose again from the deepest pits of my past, and I knew shutting my eyes off won't be enough to silence it. How could it be? It's already been engraved in me. Scarred, even.

I remembered how confused I once was, not knowing why I should bother myself with making men kneel when I was already happy by willingly surrendering myself to the feet of the man who gave me a name. A human name. Me, who's never really lived as a human before. Me, whose entirety was made of others' blood and bones.

Animo'y batid niya ang tumatakbo sa isipan ko, hinablot niya ang baba ko't iniangat ito. "You look uninterested, my favorite. Does the thought of winning not enticing enough?" he asked, an amused smile already curled in his face.

"You know very well the only prize I want," I timidly replied, staring at that very prize.

Inilapat niya ang hintuturong daliri niya sa mga labi kong nagmamakaawang malapatan ng kanya. "And you know very well what you have to do to get it, don't you, sweetheart?"

I pursed my lips against his finger, not batting an eye. My satisfaction lies with him, and so is my love. Thus, I was at his mercy. "And what if I also succeed on 'that' quest you've been preparing me for years?"

"You mean ending the Montelier line?" my master chuckled. "Now that's a mission worth the grandest of prizes."

"Do you not believe I can accomplish it?" 

"On the contrary, I know you can. It's just that... I wonder if you will." 

My shoulders have fallen. Even after serving him for years, even after forming the Silver Initiation from scratch for him, even when I gladly went through his unending tests of my love and loyalty to him, doubt remains in his chest. I wonder what he truly fears: the plan's failure or my greed for him.